or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Preteens and Teens › I don't know what to do.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

I don't know what to do. - Page 2

post #21 of 76
Thread Starter 
post #22 of 76
Thread Starter 
post #23 of 76
i would have done the same. your attitude about sex ed is what gets girls pregnant.
post #24 of 76
Originally Posted by 2tired2clean
She still plays with dolls, she still plays with barbies. There is no concern with her having sex at the age of 10.
I just want to point out that playing with Barbies has nothing to do with whether someone's going to have sex.
I had a friend who I played Barbies with. The year before, she got pregnant and had an abortion. She was 11 at the time of her abortion.

I had another friend who I played Barbies with. The same day that she and I played Barbies, she snuck out of the house to meet up with a 26 year old guy to give him handjobs in exchange for driving his car.
post #25 of 76
I haven't read all the posts yet but let me just tell you, Stephanie S########### and Sandra C#####, those were the names of the two girls who had to leave the class in the 5th grade when we watched the puberty film. I am 36 years old this summer and I still remember the look of embarrassment on their faces when the nurse called their names and told them they would go to another classroom, and we all knew it was because their moms wouldn't let them stay with the group. I still remember their full names, and I moved across the country in 1984, so what does that tell you about how embarrassing it would have been for your little girl to have to stand up and volunteer herself for ridicule and shame?

It's not your daughter's fault. The nurse handled it very badly. She should not have set your daughter up like that. She was left with the choice of disobeying you, when you weren't there, or embarrassing herself in front of her whole class, whom she will have to see for 7 hours a day through June.
post #26 of 76
Thread Starter 
post #27 of 76
Thread Starter 
post #28 of 76
What gets girls pregnant is their parents not taking the responsibility of teaching them the truth about how their bodies work.
...and wanting to keep them in the dark about male bodies work.

Something to consider.
post #29 of 76
Originally Posted by 2tired2clean
If you read all the responses you would see where I said my daughter was not embarrassed to stand up and say she couldn't watch it. She was ignored.
Okay, I see that now. Hope your dealing with the school on this issue. It is completely wrong of them to forcibly make her watch a film she very clearly said she did not have permission to view.

I may not agree with your stance to separately teach her, but I do think the what the school did is a problem. Did they physically restrain her when she tried to leave or something?
post #30 of 76
I just want to say 10 years old is a lot older now than when we were kids. We discovered our 10 year old son viewing online porn. He stumbled on it quite by accident and viewed numerous sites before we found it on the history. Kids are able to access sooooo many things now that they weren't able to years ago. As far as not having "the talk," I can guarantee she is hearing plenty of misinformation at school. There were kids in my son's first grade class talking about sex (some accurate, some not). She will be exposed and hear plenty of things in the school environment that you will have no control over.
post #31 of 76
I haven't had a chance to read all of the responses, but I wanted to comment on one thing your wrote. You mentioned how your daughter was still playing with barbies at ten, so was I and guess what... my Barbies were having sex. Well, the best sex two dolls one with built on underwear and the other one without genitalia could have. Your daughter was obviously curious and clearly didn't feel comfortable talking to you.

Also, I can't for the life of me understand why you wouldn't want your daughter to know about puberty changes in boys. I want my children to have AS MUCH INFORMATION as possible on sexuality and bodies... so they don't make stupid, uninformed decisions. May I ask, how do you want your daughter to learn about boys sexuality?
post #32 of 76
If you were going to deal with this, it would have been dealt with by now. 10 years old is FAR TOO OLD to not know how puberty works for both genders of the species. By refusing to divulge the information, and trying to not allow her to get it from a reputable and less biased source, you were doing your child a grave disservice.

I'm glad the nurse handled it badly. Your daughter deserves to have the truth.
post #33 of 76
I understand that you wanted to tell her about it herself, and that you are concerned about any misinformation that the school might give her. I think you should contact the school and explain that you had not wanted her to watch the video, and ask if you can watch it yourself. If they are reasonable, they will let you watch it. If it contains any misinformation, like all girls getting their period at age 12 and having a 28 day cycle, then you will be able to explain to your daughter that every person is different. I didn't get my period until I was 14 and my cycle was 32 days, so I would not want my daughter to be taught the common myth that every girl gets her period at age 13. Find out what information they gave her, because it might not be the same information that the school system gave you when you were little.

I also understand that you had discussed it with her and thought she wasn't going to watch it, so I understand your feelings about her watching it after all. She may have understood your reasons, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she agrees with your conclusion; and you need to understand that, as a parent, all you can do is advise her, but the final decision about which books she's going to read, etc, is hers. It is okay to tell her that you are upset that she watched it, but then you need to accept that what information she ultimately exposes herself to is her decision, not yours. She sounds like a very intelligent person, and she probably understands that just because something is taught in school doesn't mean it is written in stone, and is capable of evaluating the information for herself, with the understanding that errors are possible; and she can compare it with information that *you* give her. In short, respect your daughter's ability to learn from her own research, using multiple sources of her choice, including both you and the school. Talk to her without judging her. Make sure she understands what your real concerns are about the video, and that it wasn't your intention to just keep her in the dark. Try to work through your own feelings, and try to understand what *her* feelings are about the matter. Remember, this is about *her* and *her* body.

I understand your feelings in that you don't think she needs to know about male development yet. When I was in elementary school, they divided us into two groups, boys and girls, and they showed the boys the male info and the girls the female info. The male info can't really be harmful to her though, can it?

Edited to add: I had not seen your post about how she did, indeed, try to avoid watching it. I also had not seen EnviroBecca's post, and I would just like to say that I agree with it.
post #34 of 76
Moving this to preteens
post #35 of 76
Originally Posted by 2tired2clean
B/c she is not male. Why does she need to know that at 10 years old?

I knew that girls grew breasts and had periods as well as what was involved in a period (egg maturing and being expelled) as well as hair growth for both girls and boys when I was 10.

It was an education. It didn't matter that I was a boy, I was educated what happens to girls too. Not to the same extent the girls were, we had our classes broken up by gender.

But if you are worried about that leading to sex, I didn't have sex till I was almost 18.

Sex is a different education than Puberty. Can go hand in hand but do not need to, and what would it hurt for a boy to know how a girl grows and a girl to know how a boy grows?

I am not critisizing, if it seems to come off that way, I apologize. I just do not see the thought process behind only teaching girls about girls and boys about boys.

They are all people, my thought is to teach them about people.


Also wanna throw in here that I absolutely do not agree with how the school handled the situation. YOu have every right to be mad. My questions were more along the lines of 'why don't you want to teach her yourself, do you plan on going over that when she is 13?'

13 may be to late. The mental growth between 10-13 is rapid, and insane. I've seen 12 year olds pregnant, Talking about boys and girls may be a way to avoid it..... that and videos of childbirth, but that last one is just me and shouldn't be taken as serious advice.
post #36 of 76
I would be upset at the school nurse and at my daughter if she had seen this film. SHE IS TEN!!! She does NOT need to see a graphic video of a penis and the proper care and cleaning thereof unless her PARENT decides it is ok.

The nurse should have taken permission slips from EVERY student and made sure to check them all, then have asked your dd to leave the classroom.

I am sorry that this personal family issue was shared in a way that you weren't ready for your daughter to experience.

As for the lying and disobedience? What woul dyou normally do? My oldest is not quite 7, but we handle things very differently around our house than many Mothering mamas do.

Hugs mama.
post #37 of 76
Have you seen the video that your daughter saw today?

If not, may I suggest that no matter what else you do, you call the school, and ask to view the video for yourself. If they will not let you view the video at the school, ask if you can borrow the tape to view at home, have a copy of the tape, or be provided with the title.

Unless I missed it somewhere, it sounds as though you are worried about your DD seeing material on the tape, based on a tape YOU saw as a child. The material you deem inappropriate may not even have been included in the video your DD saw. And if it was, you can take things from there. You will also know EXACTLY what misinformation was included in the tape.

And I do, FWIW, believe that the school overstepped its bounds.
post #38 of 76
Thread Starter 
post #39 of 76
Originally Posted by 2tired2clean
It isn't a matter of me not wanting to or being unwilling to. I do not feel she needs to be taught how a boy goes through puberty, I can not see any reason why she needs that information. And I absolutely agree that She need to learn about her body, which I had been planning on teaching her and had already discussed this with her. And explained to her why I did not want her watchign the video. I rememeber what they taught us about this when I was in school and the information was completely off base. She already knows more then most girls in her class, it is not a matter of keeping her ignorant. We have been all through things like how a babu is born etc. Telling her and teaching her about her body was something I was planning something for and she understood this. She understood our reasons for not want her to watch the video and she ignored it. I want her learnign the correct information not a general grasp about how every girl is the same and gets their period when they are 12 and it comes every 28 days. I want her to learn the truth. But it isn't even about th evideo, it is about her making a choice to do the worng thing.
I don't know about your school, but ours was taught by a nurse and a woman...it was more than just the video, it was being able to ask questions with her peers present and them all learning together!

I know I had the talk with dd about a year prior to the video (which dd watched this year).

As for her objecting to watch the movie, that is odd...when she didn't turn the slip in to begin with...just my .02...that's all folks!
post #40 of 76
Originally Posted by greymama
You mentioned how your daughter was still playing with barbies at ten, so was I and guess what... my Barbies were having sex. Well, the best sex two dolls one with built on underwear and the other one without genitalia could have.


Ya brought back some cobwebby memories!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Preteens and Teens
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Preteens and Teens › I don't know what to do.