Am I too laid back? - Page 2

[blessed]

Gosh, I was almost dismissive when the OP gave examples of head first sliding and bathtub entry and exit. My dd's been doing those things for months, and it never would have even occurred to me not to let her. I'm surprised to see that some mama's actually object to these things.

When dd was learning to get in and out of the tub - at age 18 months, maybe? - I'd help her and, most importantly, I'd caution her "be careful, honey!" She knows exactly what that means, and in fact when she's doing something precarious on her own, she'll mutter 'careful, careful' under her breath to herself while she's working.

She won't let me help her now even if I tried: "My do it! My do it, mama!" which is her favorite phrase.

Hmm...maybe I AM a reckless mama.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I hear it from other parents all the time. "She's going to get hurt", "Don't let her do that", "Do you know that she is ..." Drives me bonkers. I have developed my standard response, "Yes, I know what she is doing. Much more importantly, SHE knows what she is doing."

I think we get this more than others because my 3 YO is barely 25 pounds and 3 feet tall, so people think she is much younger, and because she's a girl. And a very coordinated, adventerous girl at that. So yeah, that's my DD at the top of the very high play structure and she got there by climbing up the ladder all by herself.

You know what your child can do and what both of your tolerance for risks are. Strangers do not. Strangers who try to prevent your child from doing something should be told, politely, that you are the parent. Sometimes I've used the line "Please, I don't want her to think she should obey strangers. You are obviously a caring person, but the next person to call her might not be."

The only exception to these guidelines is the hostess of a playdate or the owner of the home we are in. Then, they have the right to say "In our house, the rule is, whatever." I will also take most reasonable requests from business owners, though I will not allow the greeter at Costco to tell me how my child should be sitting in the cart.

[ma_Donna]

ABand3, DS has 2 pairs of 'puddle boots' so ther's usally a dry pair to be had

Thanks for the reassurances. I really appreciate the well thought out parenting philosophies on this board.

Anyways, my only suggestion is to make sure that if other parents and children are involved that you don't seem too slow to react if your child is affecting others. If your child is holding up the line to the slide, if they are hitting another child, getting in their face, etc...as a parent nothing bothers me more than parents whose children need to be attended to and the parents don't do anything.

:
I think that watching him intently and not interfering much is totally different than not paying attention at all, for the above reasons as well as his personal safety.

I should also start paying more attention at the example he's setting as he's starting to get old enough in some situations to be mimicked. That's going to be a tough line to draw!

My other source of angst about this is I am also the more 'laid back' parent and that's a different balance to strike - allowing DH to parent and only stepping (later) if I'm having a lot of 'heartburn' with his choices. Anyway, that's OT!

[guestmama9915]

I'm the same. Sometimes I mimic what other parents do because I feel strange like they think I don't care. I let my 25mo old climb on most things at the park, she's been going down the slide alone forever, really good climber. Anytime I go other parents put their arms out in case she falls (she doesnt fall).

I let her stand on chairs. Coffee table. Whatever, I honestly don't see the big deal. It sure freaks my mil out, tho!

[Llyra]

Another pretty laid-back mama here. It's funny, though, because when DD and I are alone, I'm really extremely laid-back. But when other mamas are around, I feel all funny about how casual I am with DD, because the other mamas are so different with their DC, so I start hovering and getting all protective, and I can tell DD doesn't like it.

[septmommy]

Thanks for posting! I've been thinking about this alot lately and feeling like I'm the only one in the world who parents like this. My 2.5 year old is such a kamakaze kind of kid. He loves to be as high up, as fast, and as dirty as life allows. I love that about him! I encourage it! I sit back and watch as he tests himself and pushes his own limits. We have some rules..no playing with weapons , etc. I often feel like everyone around me just thinks I'm lazy as they rush in to "rescue" him and I sit there watching. If he gets hurt I move to him slowly and wait for his reaction before I say anything and when he shows that he needs comforting I am there 150%. I do sometimes micro manage a bit around some friends, but more because I know their children will copy and then get in trouble. I am still not sure what to do in those situations because I feel horrible being inconsistent with ds. In someones house I can just explain that everyone has different house rules, but in a park or something I feel torn.

[Susan Kunkel]

I think that the important thing is how wellldo you know your child. My ds1 4.5 can handle most of the play ground.So I dio not worry about him.Sometimes other moms worry about him but I know what he can do. I do put limits on the things that make me nervous.Standing in the tub is one. He also likes to jump in the tub. That make me very nevous.So you jump and bath is over.Playing in puddles is just plan fun to me.
Susan

[loving-my-babies]

it so funny that you mention this. I always feel like a horrible mother when my kids fall (minor falls), and everyone else makes this huge deal, like my mom, or grandmother, and I am really laid back about it. I try my best to give my kids a safe home, and we childproof and everything, but when it comes to little falls, I wait to see their reaction.

[irinam]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

"Yes, I know what she is doing. Much more importantly, SHE knows what she is doing."

May I steal this phrase?


To the OP - other than hights I do everything exactly the same way.

Heights is something *I* am afraid of and would LOVE to learn how to control myself better in those situations.

DD is very cautious though, even to my taste. May be because of the way I parent :

[mom2evan]

Slacker mom here, too.

Seriously, I like your comment about watching intently but with little interference. That's a perfect description. I feel it's my duty as a parent to help DS develop his physical capabilities by striking an appropriate balance between keeping him safe and not undermining his confidence. If DS has gone up and down a staircase a hundred times (the first 50 holding my hand, the second 50 with me actively "spotting" him, but not interfering), I'm not going to make him hold my hand just because he might, one day, stumble.

I do watch intently, though. I confess he often makes me catch my breath and think quickly about how I can keep him from serious injury if he slips, falls, or otherwise gets into a jam.

I'm also in the "how ya doing, buddy, you OK?" camp when it comes to minor falls and injuries.

[itsajenism]

I'm the same exact way you are, too, so you seem totally normal to me! As long as DS isn't in any danger, I pretty much let him explore whatever he wants. We haven't had to buy many toys to entertain him because he's more interested in looking at/playing with "real" every day things. Most of the toys he's gotten are from relatives and he touches them maybe once a week.

I've only recently started getting the stares, glares and comments from other parents in public. The one I notice most is when DS is walking in a store, falls, and I don't automatically scoop him up. I wait to see if he actually needs me to help (which most times he doesn't). 9.9 times out of ten, he happily picks himself back up again and toddles away. I've gotten some of the nastiest looks from people when I do this. The other day a woman actually bent down to try and help DS up (DS moved away from her) while talking under her breath about not having a caring mother. I was standing right there watching him and telling him to let me know if he needed help. I don't understand how some random "stranger" can assume a mother isn't caring because she doesn't help her child do something they're plenty capable of doing themselves.