feeling trapped, need consensual living advice (X posted)

[RootBeerFloat]

I am in a difficult situation with my dd, 14 months, and am hoping for some consensual living-friendly advice. This is actually a nighttime sleep related issue and I understand that "discipline" is not what's needed here. However, I think that moms on this forum will have some good insights. I'm cross posting in The Family Bed for more ideas.

I have been nursing dd since birth with milkless breasts. I am thankful that she likes to nurse, and we do so, at her request, several times during the day, during every nap, and at nighttime. DD prefers to nurse to fall asleep, and has a difficult time falling asleep any other way. DD is a poor sleeper and wakes frequently during the night requesting to nurse. I am fine with all of this, I am happy to nurse her as much as she needs, as long as I can handle it.

The problem is that dd often very rough with my breasts. There is alot of biting and yanking and pulling, especially during the middle of the night when she is having trouble sleeping. She almost always bites down and takes the nipple with her while un-latching. My nipples are bruised as a result and nursing for long periods of time, or often, is very painful for me. I have yet to find a solution to the issue with dd being rough at the breast, and I have tried many things. I also had a pelvic separation during my pregnancy and am unable to lay on my side for extended periods of time without severe pain in my lower back. Even when she is gentle, nursing throughout the night is very difficult for me as a result.

I feel like we have a clash of needs that I can't resolve. Dd has a need to nurse--and I a need and desire to nurse her. We both have a need for sleep--she is almost always overtired and cranky as it is because she sleeps so poorly. If I do not nurse her in the middle of the night, she is awake for hours, crying, and cannot return to sleep without nursing. At the same time, I need to be able to soothe her in a way that doesn't cause me pain and allows me to get some sleep. Right now, I feel trapped in a situation where I'm either in pain nursing OR miserable from not sleeping--and she's miserable alot too. I find myself angry and resentful, and have yelled a few times recently as a result. This isn't okay, but I can't find the way out.

I appreciate any thoughts, ideas, and advice that you have. Thanks!!!!

[Bridge's Mom]

I understand

Hi Tiffany,

I understand your experience. What is working for me is to stick with our rhythm as best as possible by getting up, having breakfast, geting out of the house in the morning, coming home for lunch and naptime (or eating on our outing and allowing my 2-year-old to fall asleep in the car. If we have a place to go then I can easily say milk later let's get ready to go. Then once we are out he has no interest in the breast. If I put him in the car fed and tired and he asks for milk I can say when we get home and he usually falls asleep without. This leaves mostly an afternoon and bed time feeding and still during the night. Though when I put my son to bed before my husband and I in his room we get usually 7 hours before he wakes up and climbs in with us. I find being home with him the struggle because when I am doing housework, or paperwork, or phone calls he wants milk the most. It is more about my attention so I make sure to read, play, etc. in between something I need to do. I hope this helps.

Nicole