Please Share...

[truelife]

Hello Mama's! I have been around a while but haven't posted. I'm going through something now that I haven't seen any posts for. I'm 3 days away from my EDD and am suddenly consumed with fear. I never experienced this w/ DS#1 but can't get fears of labor, postpartum, or something being wrong with the baby out of my head. I'm a doula and CBE so you'd think I'd be better prepared, but I have just been really bothered. Anyone else going through this - or have gone through it in the past? Please share b/c I feel a little silly...

[luckylady]

I did - but I tend to worry about things I can't control anyway. in spite of my months of planned hypnobirthing skills, I absolutely know that my fear of actually giving birth - the being born part - freaked me out and caused me to have such a drawn out pushing experience and painful transition labor.

Try to do some relaxation exercises and visualize the birth you want.

I did, but like i said...some things I can't help worrying about. *sigh* No advice - just commiserating.

[AugustineM]

I had this with my first pregnancy but it happened to me in about month 8. I became very afraid of labor and birth and postpartum and felt completely unprepared for all of it.

It went away after about 2 weeks, but I think what helped was crying a lot for a few days, then really reworking my mental state. Whenever I started worrying or feeling fearful, I forced myself to do relaxation exercises. Mostly the ones mentioned in Pregnancy Childbirth and the Newborn. Lots of visualizations of the baby, my cervix opening, birthing easily, all that.

I also told my Dh about my fears. It helped to verbalize them.

Good luck -- I think it's pretty normal to have such fears, unless you feel they become debilitating, in which case you might want to find someone professional to talk to.

[ChasingPeace]

I'm going through the same feelings!!! I don't remember being fearful at all before my ds' birth (earlier on in the pregnancy, but not this late), and I had a good birth experience, but I'm very fearful this time about the same things you mention. I don't know where it's coming from.

[KatSG]

Me, too! In fact, I'm so glad you started this thread. I don't know why I didn't say anything sooner. I think it may be because IRL I have a reputation for being very pro-natural birth and people think I have all the answers about these things, blah blah blah.

I'm worried about...something being wrong with the baby (have no reason to think there is)...not doing well in labor (had a great hospital labor and delivery last time...will be in a BC with MWs this time so should expect it to be better, but...)...And I'm really worried about dividing my time/emotional energy between this baby and dd1...Hmm, the tears just started so that must be what it really is for me. I worked very full time running a design company until recently and I feel like I'm just now getting to be the mama I want to be to her and this baby is going to compromise all of that. I even already feel some kind of resentment toward this baby, and let me tell you about THAT guilt. And, all the people who will decend on us after this baby comes will take dd1 to all these great things--the zoo, the park, etc.--and I won't be able to go because I'll be home with the baby (I intend to REST this time).

I know lots of moms feel this way when they have their 2nd child, and I keep telling myself that this is normal and to just go forward, it will all work out. Maybe I just need to cry this out a little more.

[ChasingPeace]

And I'm really worried about dividing my time/emotional energy between this baby and dd1...Hmm, the tears just started so that must be what it really is for me. I worked very full time running a design company until recently and I feel like I'm just now getting to be the mama I want to be to her and this baby is going to compromise all of that. I even already feel some kind of resentment toward this baby, and let me tell you about THAT guilt.

I'm crying reading what you wrote, so I think that's a big part of it for me, too.

[luckylady]

kat that was a HUGE thing for me too.

Fr what it's worth. my DD is 4 and has adjusted to this major change in her life very well! We have some issues with her acting up to get attention but that's about it.

it will be OK! You will be amazed.

[nova22]

I went through the same thing a few days ago. I'm so ready to give birth, so done with these endless contractions that don't seem to lead to anything, and so ready to find out the sex of this baby!!! The other day, though, I started having more intense cntx and suddenly I thought, "Oh my gosh, I can't do this! It's going to hurt! What if something goes wrong?!? Am I ready?" etc, etc, etc. I'm actually very relieved to see that you, a doula/CBE, are having the same feelings too...it makes me feel so much more normal.

On the transisting from 1 to 2 issue...I don't think any amount of training or experience would alter the fact that going from one baby to two is tough! Like others have said, it's hard to imagine dividing your time and love between two children. That was the biggest issue for me, especially because my first two are less than a year apart. You wouldn't believe the intense, unbearble guilt I felt when I had to start supplementing because my son wasn't getting enough to eat after I got into my second trimester. I still feel guilty that I had to wean my daughter when she was 2 because I was pregnant again, and breastfeeding caused the most excruciating pain (which didn't happen in my first pregnancy) and it was making me resent nursing altogether.

Sorry for the derailment, but I just wanted to show that there are so many different reasons to feel guilty, or resentful, or afraid when you are about to add a new little person to your family. It can be especially hard when you don't know what to expect, I think...despite the dozens of stories and pieces of advice from more experienced moms, you can never fully know how YOU will handle the transition, KWIM?

[nova22]

Double post

[truelife]

Thank you everyone!!!! I think everyone touched on something that has really been bothering me. I had to wean my DS at 12 months b/c of the pain and lack of milk due to the pregnancy. My DS is the love of my life and I'm not sure I'm ready to let go of him being the "baby." I don't feel like I have bonded with this baby yet - very different then w/my DS. I was so excited for my baby to get here last time and now I have all of these mixed emotions. My last labor was a total of 45 hours but the most beautiful experience of my life. My DS was healthy, I had a tiny tear, and had no problems bf'ing so all of these fears totally caught me off guard.

THANK YOU all so much for reading and responding. As a doula/CBE I do feel silly and that I really can't go to a lot of people b/c I get the "you know better...."

[gnutter]

I went through the same thing-my fears got worse when my labor started to be wierd-not at all what my other 2 were. I remember my first words to dh after ds was born were "he's really ok-theres nothing wrong with him!" I was so sure there was going to be soemthing wrong. I was never so paranoid about that before. I think that being a doula probably makes things worse since you are educated on the topic of birth and the things that could possibly yet rarely go wrong.

[Peppamint]

I had some fears too... mostly that the baby would not be okay. I just kept telling myself everything would be fine (sounds cheesy I know) and kept believing everything would turn out fine. Dd finally arrived six days post edd and she IS fine. I'm ever so glad to have her in my arms. It was mentally difficult to go post-dates for the first time with my third pregnancy.

Hang in there!

PS-

Originally Posted by gnutter

I think that being a doula probably makes things worse since you are educated on the topic of birth and the things that could possibly yet rarely go wrong.

This is a good point too... I've heard many moms say they have *more* fears and worries the more kids they have. Because we generally become more educated about what "could" go wrong and there's also the "I've had x amount of good births/healthy babies, am I pushing it to do this again?".

[ecoteat]

On Sunday, at 40 weeks, I was getting really scared. I had been uncomfortable all day and felt like I wasn't coping very well with that, which got me all worked up. I cried to my husband about my fears ("If I can't deal with this pain, how am I going to handle childbirth?" what if this, what if that...). The funny thing was that I WAS in early labor and didn't even realize it! When contractions really got started, I didn't know that's what they were! But once things really got going, my brain stopped bothering with those thoughts, my body took over perfectly, and it was a completely amazing birth.