Vent inside

[wirewendy]

O.k., I have reached my limit. Let me first say that I love my daughter more than life itself. I am just going through a phase of being sick of the whole thing and wanting my life back. I have to get this off my chest before I go over and pick her up and start her day.

Last night I tried to make dinner. I love to cook, but haven't really been able to very often. I wanted to try again. It was a very simple pasta dish, and I was also making a pie. I was planning on being done at 7:30. My daughter kept needing to eat. I would have to turn everything off, nurse her, and start again. It was 9:00, nothing was finished, and my husband came in and said, "You sure are cooking a lot." With this tone in his voice that was not nice. It really upset me. I tried to just blow it off, but I had to talk to him about it. I told him that it seemed like he had no idea how hard it was to take care of Ranjana and do other things at the same time. Here it was 9:00. I had been trying to make a simple dinner, and 3 hours later it still wasn't done. I was very upset. Discouraged. He felt terrible, and even still felt terrible this morning. I think that what upset me the most is that I realized that he just didn't have a clue. It made me feel insecure, like all along he has just thought that the messy house and my general lame-ness is just that. Lame-ness. I hate feeling insecure.

[xmasbaby7]

nak

i can REALLY relate to your 2nd paragraph. i feel bad that i can't be the wife or homemaker or colleague i always want to when i need to be the mom my daughter needs. sounds like you need to have a good long talk with dh about your insecurities. Otherwise you will misdirect them to dd.

I felt much more liberated once I got that dh could come home and I could look dirty, the house could look dirty, and no dinner would be made, but I had a happy, rested, bf'ed healthy baby to show for my work.

That's enough for both of us.

God I sound like some 1950's housewife, which is soooo amusing and untrue!

[amygoforth]

Sounds like your DH needs an afternoon alone with your baby girl... and on your way out the door ask him if he might be able to do the dishes while you're gone. That might open his eyes a bit.

My problem is that I have a very very hard time letting go of the I-must-do-it-all mentality. I'm such a control freak though! Even when DH tries to help, it's never good enough for me. WTF?! Am I crazy? At least he tries! But seriously, the man does NOT know how to load a dishwasher. My goal for myself this summer is to let go enough to enjoy fewer chores. DH will be on summer break, so he's going to pitch in a do stuff around the house while I'm at work.

[birthjunkie27]

Originally Posted by amygoforth

My problem is that I have a very very hard time letting go of the I-must-do-it-all mentality. I'm such a control freak though! Even when DH tries to help, it's never good enough for me. WTF?! Am I crazy? At least he tries! But seriously, the man does NOT know how to load a dishwasher.

Wow, you sound JUST like me. Exactly.

[beachcomber]

I can relate. The other day, my girl latched on at 5:00 and didn't get off for good until about 9:00. The pasta dinner and salad I was going to make just didn't happen until my husband came into the bedroom at 8 pm to ask what was going on with dinner. I'd tried to put her to bed at 7:30 when she fell asleep on the breast but she woke up. So instead of cooking, I was nursing again. He just looked at the situation and went to make dinner himself, grumbling the whole way. I felt pretty badly about it but there was nothing I could do. He apologised the next morning saying he just wasn't in a very coping mode last night. We have both agreed that Baby comes first no matter what, but sometimes when we're both tired and a bit stressed, it gets hard.

[oliversmum2000]

i spent nearly an hour last night nursing sophie to sleep so i could put her brothers to bed
she fell asleep then woke up when i layed her down
the boy7s ended up really late to bed...

it can be very frustrating

[spiralmg]

Why is this just one of those things that no one ever tells you about beforehand? I hate that feeling of feeling so lame. And the fact is that others really don't understand. My mother, who you'd think would know better, is just so unsupportive, for example. When I was on the phone the other day, the baby had to nurse and then poo, and her comment was,"I thought the baby already pooed" - as if I was being a bad mom and not having my act together...Her other, frequently repeated, comment is "oh, you can do it all yourself" - usually said when I am having obvious problems doing it all myself. My DH usually doesn't say anything, but I can tell he is thinking unsaid thoughts.

I can be so frustrating when you are trying to get something specific done - like make dinner - and babies just are not on your schedule. I've been trying to use my slow cooker whever possible and make things earlier in the day. That doesn't always work, but whatever. Remembering that a happy baby is most important is a really good thing to focus ... on when I can manage to remember that.

[Minnow_]

It is really hard, isn't it? Things that seem simple can be totally derailed by the baby's needs. Most of the time I'm in the mindset that Cailan comes first and nothing else is that important, but sometimes it can be really frustrating to be unable to complete a simple household task.

My husband is really learning this first hand now. He's always been great at helping with Cailan and he's taken over so many of the household tasks (and I've learned not to say anything if my shirts are wrinkled cause he left them in the basket too long, cause hey - at least they're clean!). Now that he's done with the school year, he's home with Cailan in the mornings while I'm at work and is learning how hard it is to plan a couple of chores to accomplish and actually get them done.

It's really neat to watch the relationship between them blossoming now that they're spending so much time together!