Any tips for special needs kids?

[chrfath]

We have a just turned 3yo DD with Down syndrome. I am really struggling latley with parenting her. She is a very sweet kind girl. But, I swear stubborn is on the 21 chromosome.

I seem to be having a very hard time balancing letting her do 3yo things and her not understanding. She is totally preverbal but understands most everything we say to her.

Example, if I told her she could walk to the car(her new skill) she would flip out when we get to the car and insist we walk down the driveway. She won't stop when I ask her to, and she can be very loud in her protests. Very much her developmental age of 18 months. She also has one speed - slow. She does not hurry up. She moves in Veronica time.

I was wondering if anyone has any ideas or resources books yahoo groups any thoughts. I feel very alone in the down syndrome community. I think our natural parenting and unschooling lifestyle is a bit out of the norm.

Thanks!

[LynnS6]

Hi, I know it's hard, but I would treat her appropriately for her developmental age. you're so right in saying that she's right on target behaviorally for that age.

so in the walking situation - I'd gauge my time. Do I have time to allow this, if so, I'd say "OK, let's walk down to the driveway and back." If I didn't, then I'd pick her up as gently as I could and say "It sure is fun to walk, isn't it? It's time to get in the car now. I can hear that you're sad. Let's walk later..." In the car, I'd try to find something to distract her with.

Remember this is the stage where "distraction and redirection" are the best tools you've got. Yes, she's loud. But hey, so is my daughter. My husband commented as we walked in the other night, "I know it's been a bad night when I can hear you coming from down the block." He'd been in the house with the door closed!

It's important to let her experience frustration because it's a normal human emotion that we all need to deal with. You can empathize and help her deal with her emotions, but you can't keep her from all frustration!

As for being slow -- some of my friends have a concept of "kid time" and "mommy time". Sometimes when they go out, they can be on "kid time" and they let the kids know that. Other times they need to be on "mommy time" to get there in time. I've used that on walks with our kids -- sometimes it gets to be a "Tommy walk" where he directs and gets to go fast and sometimes its a "Maria walk" where our toddler gets to stop and look at every ant she wants to!

I don't know if that helped, but it sounds to me like you're doing great stuff with her, so I wouldn't be afraid to apply what's worked with other kids at this developmental stage, typically developing or not.