Let's make a list of GD techniques

[ani'smommy]

I would love to have a list of phrases that I can keep in my pocket or on the fridge that will help me GD.

So here's one:

Honor the Impulse
Redirect

[phathui5]

Remember what is age appropriate behavior.

Children learn kindness by example. (ok, so I got it from a bumper sticker)

[captain crunchy]

He (she) is not being bad, they are being 2. (or whatever age)

I can choose my reaction.

Will this matter in 5 years? Five months? Five minutes?


Making someone feel bad will not make them act *good*.

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by ani'smommy

I would love to have a list of phrases that I can keep in my pocket or on the fridge that will help me GD.

So here's one:

Honor the Impulse
Redirect

Well, you already got my main discipline techniques lol.

Also, try to see things from your dc's perspective. That's a good one too
Oh oh oh. and Assume the best intentions.

"Children need to see that they are assumed to be well-intentioned, naturally social people who are trying to do the right thing and who want reliable reactions from their elders to guide them." TCC

[monkey's mom]

When they act bad, they feel bad. (Bad grammar, but y'know.... )

I'm the adult.

He's doing the best he can.

I'm doing the best I can.

What would Dar (or your GD idol ) do?

BREATHE!

Imagine what it was like for Robin Williams' mother when he was 4!

[lilylove]

Originally Posted by captain crunchy

Making someone feel bad will not make them act *good*.

I REALLY like that!!!

[Mum in Houston]

Keep them safe - not under your thumb

Don't squash his/her spirit

What did I give him to (eat/drink) that could have caused this incredible change in behaviour - lack of focus etc..?

What does he really need here?

Time IN not Time OUT

[Embee]

I think I got this from HOTYK...

It is exactly when our kids are at their worst, that they need us the most.

Or this works for me...

To foster true independence, you must invite dependence.

and this bit of advice from Barbara Coloroso (Kids Are Worth It)

If it's not unhealthy, life threatening or morally wrong (the rights of others say), then LET IT GO!

That last one, I've really forgotten about lately and it's gotten DS and I into a real adversarial merry go round. The past two days, I've been kinder and more tolerant than I have been in ages, just not letting the little stuff get to me so much. You know what? So goes DS. Never ceases to amaze me but it shouldn't. It stands to reason... I do indeed possess the power to "make the weather."

For the record I keep a note, (very large and bold print) taped right above my coffee maker (where I see it first thing in the am):

K I N D

This helps too.

The best,
Em

[Collin'sMama]

Ok......I've got some questions?

What does "honor the impulse" mean?? (I'm clueless!)
Who is Dar?
What does HOTYK stand for?

Thanks mamas

[fly-mom]

I really like these!

Here are some of mine...

Laughter is always better than yelling.
Most messes are fun to make and relatively easy to clean up.
Even mommies can enjoy stomping in puddles (or, it's never to late to have a happy childhood)
Comprimise (or mommy/daddy isn't always right)
Kids can have bad days too

[peacelovingmama]

Wow -- these are really wonderful and inspirational! I don't have any to add right now but I'm committing several of these to memory. I will chant them in my head during those trying moments!

[Brigianna]

Some of mine that I repeat often:

Why not?

My issue is not my children's issue.

They're not doing it on purpose.

They're small, defenseless, and completely dependent on me. It's wrong to exploit that.

I am an adult. I don't have to respond on their level.

Self-control is a learned skill, and it takes time to learn. They're doing the best that they can.

When all else fails, play along.

Don't spend more energy getting upset about something than it takes to fix it.

Breathe deeply before responding.

[LynnS6]

Tell your children what they can do, not what they can't.

Tell your children what YOU will do, not what THEY need/should/will do.

Take 3 deep breaths before responding.

Remember: You can't control someone else's behavior, but you can control yours.

Even good mommies have bad days. Apologize to your kids when that happens.

[irinam]

Originally Posted by Collin'sMama

Ok......I've got some questions?

What does "honor the impulse" mean?? (I'm clueless!)

Kids often act on impulse. To honor it is to recognize it as a normal behavior and not demand for them to be as rational as an adult

Originally Posted by Collin'sMama

Who is Dar?

Dar is a user name for the mama that often posts here in Gentle Discipline forum

Originally Posted by Collin'sMama

What does HOTYK stand for?

Hold On To Your Kids, the book (don't remember the author)

[ani'smommy]

These are great! Thanks everyone!

[RootBeerFloat]

These aren't as great as some of the others, but I remind myself that

Children under 2 are not capable (or are very rarely capable) of willful misbehavior. (from Aletha Solter)

ALL misbehavior is the expression of an unmet need. Knowing that, it's not really misbehavior.

Children only manipulate if others have manipulated them--so I'd better not manipulate her if I don't want her to manipulate me.

She's not manipulating, she's using the best way she knows to get her needs met.

What does she need? AKA What is she telling me with this behavior that she needs?

[RootBeerFloat]

whoops . . . duplicate.

[DevaMajka]

I'd like to add-
What can I do to help ds do the right thing? I assume he wants to, and just needs my help sometimes. (Imo, this is really related to "honor the impulse")

Originally Posted by Ally'smom

Children under 2 are not capable (or are very rarely capable) of willful misbehavior. (from Aletha Solter)

ITA 100% !!!

Originally Posted by Collin'sMama

What does "honor the impulse" mean?? (I'm clueless!)

It came from Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. (afaik)
I'll add to what irinam said- I think of "honor the impulse" as a redirection. Whatever dc is doing, the *impulse* behind it is almost always a normal, developmentally appropriate impulse. But sometimes the expression of that impulse is not socially acceptable. So, I figure out what his impulse was, and find an alternative, and mutually agreeable, way for him to express it.
Say ds is banging on the window with a stick. I'd probably figure that the impulse was to see "what happens when I hit stuff with this stick", in which case I'd point out things that are ok to hit with the stick. OR perhaps his impulse was that he was standing at the window, and just wanted something to do. In that case, I'd give him a cloth to wipe the window with.
Those types of impulses (to climb, to express anger, to experiment) WILL keep coming up, and they are normal, and even good. And if dc don't have an acceptable way to express them, they will continue to express them in whatever way they know how. (Which is probably what is happening a lot of the time when people say their toddlers do stuff that they know is bad)

[meco]

I love these 20 alternatives:
http://www.awareparenting.com/twenty.htm

I love redirection, changing the scene, postive language or humor--they are my go to methods. But I like to keep many back-ups.

[mysticmomma]

bump