I'm scared to have another baby!

[Parker'smommy]

Dh and I have been talking about another baby and I am totally scared that I will have PPD again! I've heard it is worse the second time around and I'm not sure I can do it.

With ds it was just a total let down! the pregnancy was awful ( threw-up every day or 9 months), labor was god awful ( 24 hour labor to only end uo in c-section), and then motherhood was just not what I expected!! Ds didnt latch for 2 weeks and Iwas miserable for months.
My mom seems to think now that it wasnt PPD, but stress because ds didnt nurse at first ( just so you know, hes 12 months and nursing great!!) and I was overwhelmed, and that next time will be different. I'm not so sure. I have been scrapbooking and putting together his baby album and I look at this beautiful baby and I dont even remember it all. I was in a fog. I didnt eat, and had a hard time sleeping too. I totally didnt enjoy him until he was like 5 months old. How terrible is that? I look at the pictures with remorse, like I totally missed his first months. And I can never get that back, never. That even depresses me.

I dont want to go through it again, but I totally want another child, eventually. Anyone have bad PPD with first, but not with 2nd? Anyone go on meds before delivery to prevent PPD?
tia, just feeling sad for not appreciating my beautiful baby...I can still "feel" that terrible feeling I had when I think about it and it makes me want to vomit!!

[Jish]

I too had a miserable pregnancy. I was on anti-nausea meds the first three months and after that was gone it was one thing after another. Every pregnancy is different. Try not to let your fears about pregnancy keep you from having another child. I don't know what life would be like if I had let my fears stop me from having my second.

As far as the depression goes, you can start on an antidepressant the month of two before you deliver, although some women start it earlier.

Keep in mind that the optimum time to conceive is 18 to 24 months after your delivery. It seems to be the time that the body has healed from delivery, but still remembers what to do so to speak. There is no rush, take your time and try not to let your memories prevent you from adding to your family.

[Leatherette]

I went on meds for ppd when my son was 14 months. It took me that long to realize that I needed more than "exercise and a good attitude". I am looking forward to having a second soon - after I wean off my paxil. I may be mean for a couple of months, but after the hormones of pregnancy kick in, I should be happy again (I was dreamlike during my first pregnancy). My feeling is, you can't know what will happen, just hope for the best - and now I know what ppd is and what treatment works for me.

Best of luck, mama.
Leatherette

[Leatherette]

I need to clarify - when I said I was "dreamlike" during my first pregnancy, I meant my mood. I was on bedrest for 3 months. That weren't dreamy.

L.

[Parker'smommy]

Originally posted by jbcjmom

Keep in mind that the optimum time to conceive is 18 to 24 months after your delivery. .

Yah, I'm thinking in the next 6 months we may want to get pregnant. It all kinda revolves around how long I plan to nurse ds. I plan to nurse him through a pregnancy, but there is always the possibility that he would self wean when the milk supply left and not go back later. So, I dont want him to wean before his time, kwim? BUT, we are still " thinking" about it.

I just know that I dont ever want to feel like that again, and that I want to enjoy my new baby and not resent it, like I did ds.

Thanks Leatherette- I too hope for the best, but get scared, thinking of the worst.

[Jish]

My son self weaned at 22 months when I was three months pregnant. It was a breeze for him, but sort of sad for me. It was like he was suddenly a big boy. It was natural and beautiful and that's all that matters.

[mama2girls]

Re: I'm scared to have another baby!

Originally posted by Parker'smommy
Anyone have bad PPD with first, but not with 2nd? Anyone go on meds before delivery to prevent PPD?

I didn't go "on" to prevent, but my doc and I decided that it was best for me to continue on Paxil through the pg as a preventative measure. He assured me that the potential risks to the baby were far outweighed by the good it was doing for me. It was only in the last month (dd#2 is 6 mo) that I have reevaluated my meds and switched to Zoloft.

Had I gotten off Paxil before the pg, I would have gone on immediately after birth as preventative. I can assure you that I would have!!

On the subject of #1 vs. #2 yes, I feel much better following #2 (M)'s birth. I feel in love with her faster, was more patient, less cranky and she was a fussy baby. #1 (A) was the dream child and I still ended up with ppd. I attribute the better feelings to the drugs, sad but true.

[motherkins]

Hi Parker's mommy. I had ppd after my first and not after my second. I didn't realize that I had ppd for most of my son's first year. I just thought I wasn't meant to be a mom. I took so many pictures of him, thinking that was what a good mom did, but I think I knew that I wasn't really remembering what was happening. If that makes sense. But I look at the pictures now and I don't know where the time went.

I also spent most of his first year thinking and dreading that I was going to have to have another baby (we didn't want an only child). I was all prepared to have ppd again. I visited a psychiatrist to discuss medication prior to delivery (my ppd resolved with therapy and pregnancy hormones). Everyone knew to be on the lookout after my delivery: our pediatrician, my husband, my midwife, therapist. And it never happened. My pediatrician had recommended not starting meds until we knew if I had ppd, but that was just what felt best to me.

This second child experience is amazing. I missed so much the first time that I feel like this is my chance. Now I know what it is like to be a happy mom, one that doesn't sit on an overstuffed chair crying to reruns of Touched by an Angel. We decided to not even discuss having another one until after the first year. It's now been 14 months since her birth and we're still delaying discussing whether or not to have another. In part because two is harder than one and I worry about the PPD.

My advice is don't rush yourself to have another and don't be afraid of the ppd. You are wiser now, a wiser mom and wiser about ppd.

[tara]

I will definitely take medication preventatively if I choose to have another child. I can't afford to experience depression like that again, period. My PPD was catastrophic - sudden, overwhelming, not-functioning depression. I think if I didn't take medication before the birth I would be so terrified of feeling that way again that I would cause depression!

[Mommasgirls]

I had severe PPD with my first. I started taking Paxil when she was 3 months old. When I got pregnant with DD#2 my midwife recommended I take Zoloft 100mg starting at 32 weeks. It was great and I nursed DD#2 for 15 months,the whole time taking Zoloft.
So if you have to you can take medications safely durning pregnancy.

[Parker'smommy]

Thanks for all of the words of advice and telling me your experiences. I think that when and if I get pregnant again I will talk it over with my dr about my past PPD and do a lot of research on if I should take meds. Its good to know that so many of you bf while taking drugs without ill effects.

If it werent for me breastfeeding I wouldnt have gotten connected with my child at all. Breastfeeding forced me to surrender my body and feelings to my child and give him the attention he needed. It was also what I needed too. I cant imaging NOT bfing a child and I would hate to have to stop due to meds.

[tara]

Originally posted by Parker'smommy
If it werent for me breastfeeding I wouldnt have gotten connected with my child at all. Breastfeeding forced me to surrender my body and feelings to my child and give him the attention he needed. It was also what I needed too.

So very, very true, Parker'smommy... I really relate to what you said here. Even though I resented bf *bigtime* when I was in the midst of PPD, it was definitely part of the cure. It was the only time I felt any bit of mama-bond. Actually, when I was really a mess with PPD, right before I got help, there were a couple of days when all I did was lie in bed. My mother came to help and she and my partner took care of Jackson all day long, bringing him to me when he needed to nurse and then taking him away again. I didn't hold him any more than I needed to feed him, didn't do anything else to care for him. Those were awful days, and I was fantasizing about formula so I could just lie there and do nothing... Ugh. Makes me shudder to remember, and I am so very grateful that we kept bf. It is just a precious part of our relationship now...

[OnTheFence]

Hi PArkers mommy.
I too was scared to get pregnant after suffering with PPD after having my daughter (also bad birth experience). When we had trouble conceiving I didnt have to have my arm twisted to look into adoption. We adopted and the PPD was worse. I didnt think women could have PPD after adoptiong and boy was I wrong. When I found myself pregnant when my middle child was 9 months old the first thing I discussed with my doctor besides progesterone treatment was PPD. I had the pregnancy from hell with my youngest and I hoped it would not be an indicator of what was to come after his birth. I started taking Welbutrin the last trimester of my pregnancy to have it in my system at birth. I stop taking it when he was a month old. I did not have any PPD with this last baby. I did a lot of things besides taking medication to help with PPD but it was something I felt was necessary to keep me from going down the depths of depression.
I think its normal to feel scared when you have experienced PPD when it is supposed to be a happy time in your life. I believe the key is being prepared, getting support, and having a good practicioner, whether that be ob or midwife, to guide you along the way.