Some suggestions...?

[littlemommy18]

... on how I can bring up circ with my friend without seeming pushy. We are due 3 wks apart and we have decided to not circ, after much debate with dh! So when I found out she's having a boy as well I wanted to educate her on it, only because I feel the Dr.'s don't do a good job. I'm not the type of person to bluntly push my beliefs on you, but when she walked in on my husband and I watching the Penn and Teller episode about circ, she was completely shocked b/c she didn't even know they don't put the babies to sleep during a circ. So I feel like she probably doesn't know anything about the important piece of skin being removed. Any ideas on how to approach this? I already tried asking her if she wanted to borrow our DVD on circ, but she said no. She said she doesn't even want to see it b/c she might change her mind.

[Yoshua]

start it off with

"would you believe my dr actually told me to Circ my son?"

sure, it could be a lie, but then you get the feeling from her as to how she feels on it /grins


find something similar to that to show you are appalled at the thought of someone cutting your son and wait for her reaction. If she says she is planning on circing start in on

'Really? You do know that prepuce is there for a reason right? I would never let someone cut off a 15 inch hunk of my man's penis, so no way in hell am I gonna let them do it to my son'

At which point she'd say '15 inches? it's not that big'

you say 'Not yet, but it is when he is an adult, and with all those specialized nerve endings..... I wouldn't want to rob him of his sex life'



Don't focus so much on her child as much as what you are doing to protect yours.


Hope that helps.

[Yoshua]

or better yet, say your husband was pro-circ and you had to convince him it was mutliating his son before he understood the loss it would be. something like that too.


MANY routes to this. I just had a conversation with 2 friends of mine who are a couple. Tim knew I was restoring and obviously talked about it with his girlfriend so she started the conversation off

'So..... Josh.... I heard a rumor about you.....'

and i said

'yup, I'm stretching my D!(|<......'

and that started in on the whole 'why's' and 'does it feel better' and then migrated to 'Yake is circed, but there is no way in hell we are going to do it to a second boy. When you know better you do better' talk and talked about the pain and mutilation and stats for other countries and how other countries use the same justifications to mutilate little girls that we do for little boys.


it was great fun.

[nd_deadhead]

"I already tried asking her if she wanted to borrow our DVD on circ, but she said no. She said she doesn't even want to see it b/c she might change her mind."

So if you don't say anything it's a sure bet that her son will get cut.

I agree that you need to proceed gently. Start out with "I know you and your hubby plan to circumcise your son. I'm really curious - do you mind telling my why it's so important to you?"

If she hasn't thought about it, and doesn't know anything about it, she'll give you some sort of old myth, which you can easily refute. Again, gentle is the key. If she says she doesn't want to hear about it, suggest that maybe if it's too awful to even think about, maybe it's too awful to do it to her baby. Or ask if you can e-mail her some information that she can read in private. I like this link as a starting point: http://www.circumstitions.com/Itsaboy.html

If her only reason is "To look like his Dad", laugh and ask if her DH is going to shave his pubic hair and pack ice in his shorts, so his unit looks like a little boy's.

If she insists that it is going to be done, tell her about pain relief, aftercare, watching out for bleeding and infection, adhesions, and meatal stenosis.

Good luck, and please let us know what happens.

[Revamp]

Go slowly, the advice given by Yosh and deadhead is top notch, please let us know how it goes!

[calngavinsmom]

You could always print out (or order the beautiful glossy booklet) the wonderful Mothering article. You could give it to her and just say something like, "I found this article really interesting, I thought you might like it too." Or something to that affect.
http://www.mothering.com/shop/reprints.html

Another thing I have done was to order some back issues of Mothering and give some to a friend of mine who was expecting. They are chock full of great info, issue #132 has great articles on circ and breastfeeding.
http://www.mothering.com/shop/back_issues.html

Good luck to you!
Tara

[SkyDweller]

Bringing it Up

Good for you Jamie, and good question....

I'm in a somewhat unique position, but I've talked two couples (well, the two guys, and just confirmed one of the women in her reticence to circ) and both are choosing not to circ when they give birth.

1. I'm fairly close to both of the guys--I would have to be much more careful if I wasn't. Relationships account for SO much here. It also helps (perhaps?) that I'm their pastor.

2. I've tried to keep feelings out of it. I don't know how women relate to intensity of feeling (perhaps someone wants to help to inform my perspective here!), but I know that we men do NOT like intensity or emotion. Just give us the facts.

3. I ask preliminary questions: a) what sex the child will be and b) are you going to 'circ'?

4. Then in both intstances I've asked, "Can I talk you out of it?" (emotionally smooth/no intensity/ as if I'd be asking them, "Hey, wanna go to Jamba Juice?")

In both instances they've gotten very quizzical looks on their faces and have said, "well, hey, I guess, I'm open...."

5. Then I just give them these arguments:
a. The foreskin will make sex better for their son
b. Their future daughter-in-law will sing their praises
c. They are giving their son a choice

Ironically, it's the last argument that has been the strongest?? Not sure why. You know, it'd be interesting to do a poll and find out which arguments work best on which sex.

Eric

P.S. A couple of weekends ago, one of the guys was at a table in our fellowship hall , creating a huge discussion on that issue with the other people there, strongly telling people his (and his wife's) anti-circ attitude--and then waved me over to do damage control (i think) with one guy who was a male nurse and Pro-circ. Then one of the guys involved the other table yelling over to a young mother there if she'd circed her son.