Please give me new words....

[hipumpkins]

I have one area where I really lose it almost every day. When I am trying to put the baby to sleep or back to sleep after a,ittle stir DD CAn not be still. She tries to jump on the bed, she can't stop talking, she plays too loudly. The usual stuff. I am not looking for a way to get her out of the room b/c she has issues being seperated from me and that would cause her to really get upset and scared. I am looking for a way for ME to change.
I really lose it on her and tell her how angry she is maikng me. I really feel rage and it is all I can do not to scream at her. and frankly luckily I made a vow not to hit. It makes me nuts...can you give me some tools to fix me??

[monkey's mom]

This has been hard for me, too. Can you just expect that your 2nd will awaken and will thusly be more tired and easier to sleep later?

Or think of it as preparing him to sleep through anything? B/c my 2nd will sleep through semi's air horns in the front yard (as my 1st gets them to blow their horns).

Could you make a game like Simon Says or the quiet game with your older during these times?

Hang in there!

[faithnj]

If all you're looking for is a way to feel differently about this situation, and a way to change your own reactions-- then you just really have to let go of believing her behavior has to stop. And when you've let go of this belief all you can, then let go some more. If you've determined her behavior is out of your control, then it's best to give up all hope of changing anything that's out of your control-- because you don't have ownership of the behavior, and your requests for change weren't enough to effect change. (Think The Serenity Prayer. Help me to accept the things I can not change, And to change the things I can. Give me the wisdom to know the difference.)

However, if you need a way to stop your DD's behavior from waking up your DS, then that's a different question.

Faith

[Ayala Eilon]

I love that you realize that it is you that has to change, not you DD, who is doing really great. There is one book that teaches you to be a parent by guiding you to free yourself from your reactions. It is the book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. The sub title tells it all: Transforming Parent-child relationships from REACTION and STRUGGLE, to freedom, power and joy.
I think this is what you want. It is easy to want to let it go, but you need a method. This book will give it to you. Plus, you will laught and cry as you read it and feel like you are coming back home to your true self.

[Stephanie L.]

Your children are almost the same age as my two children. DD1 loves stories. We read her to sleep at bedtime (no more naps), and sometimes tell her made up stories. If she wakes in the middle of the night (usually to go to the bathroom) we are able to get her back to sleep by telling her a story in a mundane tone. It first starts out kind of bizarre to really catch her attention, but after a few minutes the main character wants to count something (VERY! slowly for a long time) and the story gets more and more mundane... She literally is bored to sleep.

We had to seperate her from sleeping in our bed because they were too noisy if awake. Now that the baby is a toddler they just rev each other up at bedtime and get really giddy. It's cute, but we can't co-sleep that way. My DH actually puts DD1 to bed and sleeps in her room while I sleep with DD2 in my room. It's working out really well, enabling us to continue co-sleeping.

[hipumpkins]

If all you're looking for is a way to feel differently about this situation, and a way to change your own reactions-- then you just really have to let go of believing her behavior has to stop. And when you've let go of this belief all you can, then let go some more. If you've determined her behavior is out of your control, then it's best to give up all hope of changing anything that's out of your control-- because you don't have ownership of the behavior, and your requests for change weren't enough to effect change. (Think The Serenity Prayer. Help me to accept the things I can not change, And to change the things I can. Give me the wisdom to know the difference.)

Yes that's what i needed somwone to tell me to let the behavior go!

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves

Going to half.com right now!

Thank you everyone for the replies.

[mamaduck]

For me, giving up the idea that I can make the fall asleep has been a huge relief. If I'm reaching the point of "loosing it," then its time to stop trying.

Do you have both kids in your room?

How about this: Do you have a little table or desk in the house? Can you set it up in the corner of your room with a small lamp (low watt) and put some washable crayons and some coloring books and papers on it. Maybe some stickers. When DD cannot sleep, then she can make a choice to lay quietly in the bed, or go do art work quietly at her desk, while you and baby rest. (You may need to make a rule that she cannot show you her pictures until the next morning, or until she has ten of them, or something, so that she's not shoving things in your face every two minutes.)

What I have found is that 20 minutes or so of quiet solitary play will often help my children relax and fall asleep more easily.

Another helpful thing for us has been a tape player in the sleeping room. My little guy is much more likely to lay still if he has music to listen to.

[hipumpkins]

Oh my I really screwed this post by leaving out a ver important detail. I am not trying to get DD to sleep. I am trying to get the baby to sleep and DD is being disruptive. Sorry lack of sleep has messed up my typing skills.

[DevaMajka]

No specific advice, but I tend to speak more harshly when ds wakes up at night. I found a specific phrase to use every time, and it keeps me from yelling. Plus, ds actually understand it- he has no clue what I mean when I'm mad! lol
So, perhaps a certain phrase would help. "Baby needs quiet. He wants to sleep. When he's asleep, we can go play." I dunno- but its hard to sound harsh when you say something like that! Not necessarily to get HER to change, but to give yourself a minute to chill out. kwim?
Could you give her jobs to "help" you put the baby to sleep?