Asking too much?

[Kontessa]

Background: Daddy has been gone for two months (work). 6 year old DD acting out, often saying no to requests and demands. Trying GD and NVC but stressed mommy.

Situations: Yesterday at friends house. Time to go, bed times. I gave her warning. Asked her to pick up. she screamed no over and over about picking up. I said I would help but could not put down sleepy grumpy 6 month old. Tried to help her make plans for next week. More anger and sassy words from her.

Today: Asked her to pick up her mess in her room. I have mt hands full with the rest of the house and baby and trying to relactate. She kept saying no. I really feel like she is pushing me. Took away 1 hour of tv time, then 2, then all. Then took a loved toy away each time she did noy do as asked again. Tried to explain, reason... finally put her in her room for the night. We are both now not ok.

Another thing I sometimes ask her to do is hold a bottle for her brother while I am pumping, driving, ect. She fights about it unless friends are around so she can show off her little brother and make it clear he is hers.

Asking too much? Advice? I am feeling blind right now.

[faithnj]

Personally, I don't think you're asking too much. And I really sypathise with your situation, especially with relactation. It's such a hard thing to go though. Best Wishes.

Faith

[Ayala Eilon]

Much too much. Use NVC really. Real NVC has no demands. If she must do it, it is a demand and she will rebel. Her behavior shows you are a good mom. She has self-esteem. She is assertive. To apply NVC better, read the book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. It will give you tools to understand WHY she needs to defy you. Then you can meet the real needs until she has no need to defy you. Content children behave well and want to cooperate. The book teaches you how to have a content child, sure of your love, sure of herself and therefore does not need to act out or defy. You can get it from Amazon.

[Kontessa]

Thank You for Book Recomendation Ayala Eilon!

Originally Posted by Ayala Eilon

Much too much. Use NVC really. Real NVC has no demands. If she must do it, it is a demand and she will rebel. Her behavior shows you are a good mom. She has self-esteem. She is assertive. To apply NVC better, read the book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. It will give you tools to understand WHY she needs to defy you. Then you can meet the real needs until she has no need to defy you. Content children behave well and want to cooperate. The book teaches you how to have a content child, sure of your love, sure of herself and therefore does not need to act out or defy. You can get it from Amazon.

I have put it on my book wish list and hope to have more book money next month. I just spend my book money and my daughters homeschooling monthly money on books today at church! Wow did we have a great time.

Did I mention we are trying GD and NVC? Trying is the key word there. It has only been about 6 months since we where introduced to NVC and a few months in a practice circle and I am the only parent in it.

Blessings,
Kimmy Kontessa

[oliversmum2000]

you sound very tired and overwhelmed

i have a 5 1/2 year old and find the 'no' thing really bugs me too

i try to limit the amount of direct commands i give to those that are 100% necessary

also if i do ask him / tell him to do something i will keep reminding him by asking every 5 minutes or so and eventually he will normally do whatever it is as he has now moved in to the frame of mind where he wants to sooperate where he wasnt before

it still drives me aboslutely nuts though