Delayed Consequences with Two Year Old - Page 2

[nancy926]

I second the idea of putting the 2-year-old to bed in clothes the night before. Then there's no getting "dressed" - she's already dressed!

My older DD has been out places in her pajamas, and no one's ever said anything...and I wouldn't care if they did. (Probably anyone who'd care would be someone who'd never taken care of a 2-year-old!)

My DH has made it a game by putting DD's pants on his head, her socks on his hands, etc. - that always gets a laugh and then he has her show him how to do it "right".

[rainbowmoon]

well I got DS to get dressed today without a hassle! I just kept telling him we are going and he has to get dressed first and he got dressed right away!

but he lost his brand new (worn twice) shoes while we were out doing errands. (how I didn't notice he was barefoot in the stroller/cart until we got home I'll never know) now I get to backtrack and see if anyone found them. ugh. I never knew I could get so upset over a pair of shoes!

[Piglet68]

One other thing I wanted to mention, along the lines of what Becky and others have said...

Kids that age can sense a power struggle a mile away. I think one way to deal with the running away stuff if nothing else is working is to simply ignore it. Don't laugh when she runs off, or get mad, or repeat yourself, etc. I mean, the playing is obviously an attempt to engage you, and if you don't get engaged maybe she'll give up on that angle.

[Bonawich]

Wow. I am soooo there with everyone. I came to this board because we are having the same issues and it is driving me batty!!!!

Here is our situation: My DS will refuse to get dressed in the morning after breakfast and just run around naked (peeing on the floor, of course). He refuses whether I give him a choice or tell him we are leaving, and when I try to put the clothes on he will just take them off again. It makes me feel terrible to force him to put on his clothes, but I'm not sure what else to do when we have to be somewhere.

Also, I like the idea of dressing him before bed, but then he gets breakfast all over his clothes, so that doesn't work either.

[katallen]

It may be a useful incentive, but it may also be that you need to decide whether something is a choice or not a choice and stick with it. If she needs to get dressed because you have to go somewhere than you may need to invest in something that is easy to slip on her and insist on getting it on her. I have found very long t-shirts and dresses to be the easiest to get on a squirming child and putting the shoes on in the carseat after we get where we need to be worked well when she went through the nudest phase. I also tell my dd when things are not a choice and I follow through consistently.
If you really need to go and holding her to get dressed is not something you are willing to do than maybe getting her partially dressed in the carseat and then pulling shirts down all the way and pants up once you are out of the car would work.

[Ayala Eilon]

No, I wouldn't use insentives of any kind. That's manipulation. She will learn to comply with what pays off. Nothing else. But, I think your expectations are too high on the one hand, and you are too pemissive on the other. Some things just happend and we don't ask the child or give choices. On the other hand, why take her shopping? That's not really fair to drag her on what you need to do. She needs freedong to move and play. Listen to the CD set Babies and Toddlers to Tame or to Trust by Aldort. You will taper your expectations and also learn to be firm and clear while kind and respectful. Also her book is fantastic and will save you years of difficulties.

[Bonawich]

Originally Posted by Ayala Eilon

On the other hand, why take her shopping? That's not really fair to drag her on what you need to do. She needs freedong to move and play.

How do you get the shopping done then? Or any other errands - my DH can't do this most of the time because he works 10+ hours per day as do all grandparents and friends. It is basically up to me and I can't afford to pay someone to stay home with my child while I go run errands...

[OMama]

It amuses me to no end that in a forum entitled Gentle Discipline, and with a focus on NVC, how mamas seem to judge and label each other. Really it makes me kind of sad. It seems to that these are often the so-called "experts" on these topics . . . hmmm . . . interesting.

Not sure if there are many mamas out there who rarely (or never!) run errands with their little ones . . . oh, if only my life was such and I just had a nanny or a maid or could have my groceries and all other necessary household items delivered daily. But alas I think my DD would miss out on all of those life experiences -- we race over to see the "rain" in the produce section grocery store when we hear the bell, we see other kids and talk to other shoppers and sales people, we always find interesting products to look at in stores and talk about what we see when we are driving around or what we are listening to on the stereo. We often go places too (like Ikea!) where there is somewhere for her to play or move around. (BTW we did finally make it to Ikea on the weekend with DH and we all had a great time. DD had fun eating, playing, and helping us shop -- and we got everything we needed to by -- it was actually all in stock).

Back to the original post . . . getting dressed has been better lately. I don't try to get her dressed right after our shower but instead let her run around for 15 to 30 minutes. I know she enjoys being naked. Then I let her know when it is 5 more minutes of naked time and then 1 minute. It seems to be working. She is more ready at this point and having little warnings seem to be helping as well. And of course distraction (with a toy, game, etc.) seems to help too. I have been very careful to not offer it as a choice, but instead as something we simply have to do. "We get dressed before we leave the house." And "we are getting dressed now."

Thanks again to all the mamas who had such great, positive suggestions. And it's nice to hear that others struggle on occasion with this issue as well.