What would you do with a 16 month old... ADVICE

[mama_moo]

My 16 month old son is going though this stage where he think's it's funny to bite, hit, pinch, and pill hair. We'll tell him NO in a stern voice and he just does it even more thinking it's a joke. I just have no idea how to get him to stop this. Any ideas?

[Sijae]

I recommend the Love & Logic way of parenting. It is very loving and gentle and can be adapted to suit your values. One of the biggest things in love and logic is no anger/lectures/threats or warnings and to always give empathy for the child before unveiling the consequence for his actions. And that anger fuels misbehavior. That stern voice is making it a game for him - it's fun to see what he can make mommy do Love & Logic gives many pratical ways to set limits in a loving way and it's easy to start using.

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Laura

[melags]

sounds exactly like my 15 month old son. He is the sweetest little boy until he gets tired. Then he turns mean pulls hair , slaps, he bit me the other day. He thinks its funny. I'm still trying to figure it out I really don't have any advice. I usually put him in his crib let him sleep it off. Most of the time he will wake up refreshed, and happy. But, he knows it's wrong. I hope it's just a stage.
Melanie

[alegna]

I agree that the stern voice is not the way to go. We explain- they understand a LOT more than you think they do at that age- "oh ouch, that hurts mama when you pull her hair [no screaming but sad sad face....] please don't hurt mama." and move the hands away.

dd caught on pretty fast.

-Angela

[mama_moo]

I forgot to add that I DO do that as well and it still never works. He just does it even more thinking it's a game or something. There was only 1 time where he actually kissed the booboo he gave me and stopped and that because he hit me with something so hard I cried.

Originally Posted by alegna

I agree that the stern voice is not the way to go. We explain- they understand a LOT more than you think they do at that age- "oh ouch, that hurts mama when you pull her hair [no screaming but sad sad face....] please don't hurt mama." and move the hands away.

dd caught on pretty fast.

-Angela

[alegna]

Then just head it off. WATCH like crazy and move or block his hand when he's going to do something painful.

-Angela

[karlin]

At that age, redirection is your best tool. Try interesting your child in a toy or activity. It's the only thing that really works until they are a bit older, IMHO.

[DevaMajka]

My 22 mo does NOT respond well to a stern "no." Or for that matter, any type of "no" that is not followed by instructions about what to do instead. I say "don't hit" and he hits again right away.
I think kids hear "don't hit" and form a piture in their mind of "hit." Plus, they were hitting because of an impulse. They need to express that impulse, so if we don't tell them better ways to express it, they are left with the only way they know how- hitting. Say ds is hitting because he feels I'm too much in his space. I "honor the impulse" by recognizing that he has a legit reason for hitting, he's just not expressing it in a socially acceptable way. Then I *redirect* by finding an acceptable way for him to express that same impulse. So, I'd tell him "if you want me to back off, then hold your hand up, like this" then I'd demonstrate a "stop" sign hand. The alternative HAS to be related to the impulse though, or the impulse will still be there, and they go back to hitting or whatever.
(oh, and explaining is definitely necessary too)
My ds has been easily redirected for months doing this- like from shortly after 1yo-15mos, I'd say.. He's more than happy to do whatever acceptable alternatives I say. Sometimes I give him a couple ideas and he chooses. It generally just takes one "don't hit, I on't like to be hit, do this or this instead" and he stops hitting (or whatever he was doing). It rarely takes more.
If I'm having a bad day, and just say "don't" its quite obvious that that way doesn't work for him at all.

eta, "knowing its wrong" (if they do indeed know that- I'd bet all they know is that mama will stop them if they do it) does not equal impulse control to not do it. That's why, imo, it is really really important to redirect in a way that honors the impulse. It is really hard for kids to just stop doing something. But if they have another outlet, its easier to choose that.

[nancy926]

I agree, redirect and try to avoid the situation in the first place.

If it does happen, an "ow!", sad face and redirection will help, I think, more than a No. Kids hear No so much that they stop paying attention, yk?

Not to be cliched, but this is a phase, and it lasts longer in some kids than others. My first daughter was never a biter but the younger one is making up for it already! I usually just say "ow, please don't bite" and find something else for her to do.