Dh is embarassed

[CrunchyKat]

On Mothers day, dh and I were eating breakfast at our local Pig N Pancake. Well dd started to cry and fuss, so I started to bf her while sitting in the booth, just like I always do. Well the restraunt was SUPER busy that day, as expected, and there were people everywhere. I guess dh was embarassed or something because he snapped at me "Hi everyone, I'm bfing. *chuckle* Why can't you just put a blanket over you or something Kat?" I looked at him with a puzzled look on my face and I was like "Why should I have to put a blanket on? Do I not have the right to bf my baby? Should I just let her cry? FORTUNETLY Or State Law protects my right to bf my baby in public. So there". He proceeds with "But why can't you just cover yourself up?" I say, "Why should I have to fuss with a blanket that keeps falling off/dd pulling it down/making us both hot?" Hey says "because people don't want to look at that!" I say "THEN THEY CAN LOOK AWAY" he says "well it's not that easy" I say "YES IT IS!! THEY CAN LOOK AWAY. I DON'T CARE WHAT "THEY" THINK. (again) THEY CAN LOOK AWAY!" he says "whatever kat, OK.".

GEEEEEEEEZ, coming from the guy that I thought supported me and agreed with me! I mean I know he supports bfing but it was just annoying that he felt I should cover up?? Well he kept saying "I remember when you first had dd and you didn't want to bf infront of anyone but women". True. But I got over that quickly! Now I don't care!!

[REDBREAST]

Men can be kind of funny when it comes to breast-feeding, especially in public. Maybe he was thinking some guys were eyeing your breasts and he was feeling protective. I say that you should address what happened at the diner, cause I wouldn't be able to let something like that slide, however I am the aggressive type, so I am always ready to confront! Talk to dh though, you will feel better about it! Let me know why he reacted the way he did.

[lacysmommy]

My DH is super supportive of BF in general, but gets uneasy when I BF in public. I don't generally BF in public anymore, but with baby #2 coming any day now, I will be doing this again soon. Part of my DH's problem is he has a really sick uncle who has actually CHECKED ME OUT while BF my then-12 month old DD (he has been to prison for child molestation and is a level 3 sex offender, so I know it was lewd staring, not innocent curiosity). And this particular event happened right after my MIL's (gross uncle's sister's) funeral. So because of that, I try to understand where DH is coming from because I know he is worried about me because he knows sickos like that exist. I know that is no reason to not BFIP, but I do try to be sensitive toward his feelings and be as discreet as possible.

Maybe talk to your DH about why he is so uncomfortable with it. Maybe there is a reason behind it. Maybe he was just conditioned to feel that way due to our American society.

Now I really want a seafood omlett... Pig N Pancake... Mmmmmmm....

[firstkid4me]

When Emily was first born, dh would freak out when I would bf in public. We were living in Green Bay, during the winter, so a lot of the time we'd go to the mall to walk around and get a little exercise. I made the mistake once of waiting until we got to a dressing room to nurse Emily, and it took me 5 minutes to get to one, and 10 minutes to calm her down, then I realized I would have been half done with nursing if I'd just sat down in one of the chairs they have randomly spaced around the mall in the first place! So, whenever I would nurse there, he'd put the blanket on me, then stand behind me, "looking for perverts watching me." (His words.) He was pretty tense until we went to Hawaii that April and I had to nurse practically every 5 minutes because dd wasn't used to the heat. He realized that if I excused myself to the bathroom every time, I'd be in there all day, and if I used a blanket, it would just make dd hotter, and keep us in there longer!

While I know that not everyone can go to Hawaii to nip this problem in the bud I definitely recommend it Seriously, I think if you just give him some time and stand your ground, but try to be understanding, he'll come around.

[Kirsten]

I nursed each of my three kids in public. I really think that a blanket over your shoulder is a big neon sign saying "look everyone! I'm nursing a baby over here!" I found that nursing tops worked really well for me. No one (me, dh, people around) were uncomfortable with too much showing (as nothing showed at all with my nursing tops), plus it covered my stomach - which is always a plus for me. And no hot, sweaty baby. It was win-win.

I did have a friend who would unbutton her blouse from the top - so one entire breast and everything above it was showing - a fair amount of skin. She was completely comfortable with it but people would stare.

I totally support our right to nurse in public. Could you compromise with your dh - to make him more comfortable when you are out - by using a nursing top? The ones I had were not very cute but there are some darling ones out now.

[velcromom]

Men don't want anyone else seeing their wife's nipple. My own dh made me laugh when, at a wedding reception, the photographer came by our table snapping photos while ds was nursing. The commotion caused him to unlatch, and out of the corner of my eye I see dh's hand move in front of my nipple, which was still partly under a flap of fabric and probably not even visible from the front. I wasn't worried about it but dh sure was!

He never spoke against me nursing in public but that one moment showed me he will probably never be as relaxed about it as I can be.

I have ceased to think that my NIP behavior needs to be determined by the preferences of strangers. I have an essay on my site about that, you might want to give your dh a copy! Sometimes when I try to "sell" a concept to my own dh it's much more real to him if I can open his eyes to the fact it's not just me having crazy ideas, and show him that there are others who see things the same way.

[AnneNic]

My hubby was a little embarassed when I first started nip. He quickly got over it though. LOL


After a few weeks of me nip he said "you will do that just about anywhere won't you" to which I responded of course. That was the end of him expressing any embarrassment.

Andrea

[CrunchyKat]

I think he was being protective. But I haven't talked to him about since that morning. Well I usually just pull my shirt up, so no one see's any skin above the nip, and because dd is laying in my lap, no one can see my stomach. Well maybe a little. Honestly, I don't care. I'm a mom, I got mom boobs, mom tummy, and I'm going to whip my boob out wherever, whenever. I think he was mostly saying something because of all the old men in there drinkin coffee. And all the mainstream mothers around us happily feeding their babies formula, looking over at me like I was streaking through restraunt. I bf everywhere, and that was the first time he ever said anything! Thanks for your advise ladies!

[zaksma]

I am so glad to see this post. I NIPed for the first time yesteday (have been very wary of doing it before since this is my first time bfing and really feel like I am just now getting the hang of it). Anyway, it was at the bowling alley (of all places) and during a birthday party for my son's friend. I was really proud of myself and coldn't wait to tell my dh (who is out of town) when I talked to him on the phone- the first words out of his mouth "you were concealed, right?" Uummm, are you kidding me? We're talking about breastfeeding, not carrying a handgun. I was a little irritated by his response but I guess now I see it's just a protective dh thing.

[Meiri]

DH was like this with ours too for awhile. I broke the ice by finally nursing DS in public when he was a toddler.

With DD, I got around his discomfort by nursing someplace besides where he was: on a bench outside the mall bookstore, in a comfy chair in a different section of the book or whatever store, etc.

Eventually, when no police came rushing in to stop DD from eating, he got over it and only got annoyed if I had to sit down inside of nursing on the fly in the sling.

[sapphire_chan]

"Sweetie, if it really bugs you, feel free to stand at the end of the booth and shield me from view, but I am not going to fuss with a stupid blanket just because you are uncomfortable."

[tree_hugger]

My DH is very supportive of BF in general, and believes it is the right of all women to breastfeed in public - as long as they cover up with blankets.

Whatever, dear.

[Sustainer]

Originally Posted by zaksma

when I talked to him on the phone- the first words out of his mouth "you were concealed, right?" Uummm, are you kidding me? We're talking about breastfeeding, not carrying a handgun.

Good one!!

[CrunchyKat]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

"Sweetie, if it really bugs you, feel free to stand at the end of the booth and shield me from view, but I am not going to fuss with a stupid blanket just because you are uncomfortable."

Perfect! I'll say this next time.

[velcromom]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

"Sweetie, if it really bugs you, feel free to stand at the end of the booth and shield me from view, but I am not going to fuss with a stupid blanket just because you are uncomfortable."

Hmm, I think that might work for the waitress, the store manager, the pool employee....

[CrunchyKat]

I know it's great!

[mommyto3girls]

I think they get better with time. With Maia my dh was always worried about me nip, I never used a blanket for him, but did use a burp cloth positioned to hid things. With Sage he hasn't batted an eye and I don't cover up, well I usually wear a camisole style tank under a shirt so I can lift the shirt up and still have my tummy and back covered, but that is because I don't want anyone seeing my back fat or my belly!

Also, totally unrelated to the OP, but with Maia he was asking about weaning when she was around 9 months (she weaned at 24 months, but he thinks she was done at 18 months) With Sage he hasn't even brought it up!

[Ann-Marita]

He did this on MOTHER'S DAY?!

Pfft. What a way to honor the mother of his child. Well, even the best of us act jerk-like sometimes.

Sorry this happened. He'll come around, I hope.

[CrunchyKat]

I don't think he was meaning to be an @ss, I just think he was being overprotective and worried that the old men would see my nipple. Hell, I don't care. It probably doesn't look any better than their old wive's nips look either! :

[phathui5]

I've been nursing for almost six years now and we were out at lunch a couple weekends ago. When I went to nurse ds2, dh asked me if I wanted to switch to the inside of the booth (and he would sit on the outside). I did it to humor him, but thought it was kinda silly.