uncomfortable with NIP

[crissei]

Am I being a bad role model? Should I just get over myself and do it? Or, is what I'm feeling okay? WWYD?

I've never felt comfortable nursing my son in front of anyone but DH. I have really big boobs and its impossible to nurse without letting it all hang out.I'm not a prude but, I'm fat and, also have a big birthmark on my right breast that I dont want people staring at.
I always, even around family go into a private area to nurse. (I almost always nurse side-lying anyway, because of my breast-size)
I was recently talking to MIL about NIP and she said that she also felt uncomfortable nursing her child in public and, it got me thinking that maybe I've given people the idea that I think there is something wrong with NIP.
This has really been bothering me. I feel so guilty.

[snarfywarning]

Oh mama, don't feel guilty. Everyone has their own boundaries! For Example, my LL leader has 4 children, and she sas she has never NIPd!! She just rounds them all up to the nursing room or something.

I, on the other hand, am way to busy being a lazy butt to actually -go- somewhere else. My reasons are purely selfish. Too lazy to make bottles, to lazy to go to a nursing lounge. And on top of that, I get to make a tatement to he world! So there! :P

Do you have any idea what is causing you guilt? Maybe we can talk it out or something. You should always do what is more comfortable for you. Being a lactivist dosn't mean totally hurting yourself just to get a point across!

[Belle]

Don't feel guilty momma. You should absolutely do what is comfortable for you.

Have you tried nursing in a sling? Maybe that would make you more comfortable.

[Clarinet]

I'm more embarassed about hiking my shirt up over my belly than showing the top of my boob. I've nursed in public a couple times but only in a booth at a restaurant when the babies were little and inactive enough to go under the table with a blanket over them. A few times, when in company I was comfortable with in a private setting, I've NIP. I don't care if people know that's what I'm doing but I'm loath to let them see! If you aren't comfortable, don't force yourself to do it.

[Sarah]

I started NIP when I had a much slimmer figure. Now 3 kids later I'm not too keen on showing my belly either- and that from a veteran and very confident NIP advocate- so I understand where you are coming from.

My nursing clothes combinations help me to keep my belly covered and I get by pretty well without baring my belly.

I don't think you should feel guilty- your nursing is NOT a public service announcement. You don't need to be anyone's role model or feel obligated to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Where it's a problem is if you want to and other people make you feel like that is wrong.

If you are feeling sad that you are not proudly waving your nursing mother's flag... why don't you just find some other outward sign to support breastfeeding and identify yourself as a nursing mom other than actually nursing in public... a logo handbag, a pin, bumpersticker... even something like a special nursing necklace- if you get a compliment on it- to make a point of saying, "Thank you, No one loves it better than my nursing baby."


For my figure my favorite clothing mix is:

Jeans + Nursing tank + fashion button up shirt or cardigan worn open in the front

T shirt+ Overall jumper (high button up waist)

[mama_at_home]

I second what the other mamas said-don't feel guilty! You are not a better mom for NIP. Do what works for you. I was intimidated the first time I ever NIP (I have large breasts, too, and they overwhelmed my newborn, so it was very awkward). But the more you do it, the easier it will become. Now, 3 years later, I have NIP just about anywhere you can imagine. I had a lot of embarrassing moments in the beginning (like forgetting to pull my shirt back down in church and sitting there with my boob hanging out ) but it soon became second-nature. One thing I did in the beginning was have dh help me by holding a blanket up while I got the baby latched on. Now I am nursing my 2nd and 3rd baby and I don't even think twice about NIP. I have never, ever received a dirty look or rude comment the entire 3 years I've been nursing. I think most people are happy to see a nursing mom.

[heather_c]

To me, lactivism is about allow mothers to breastfeed wherever they are most comfortable. There is nothing wrong with nursing in private if that is what you are most comfortable with.

[honolula]

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[Ann-Marita]

: :

You do what you need to do. Be true to yourself and your own feelings.

[grumpyshoegirl]

Nursing is not necessarily NIP, and you should never feel bad for nursing where you feel comfortable. I think that's why people are so gung-ho about the right to NIP in the first place-- because for most of us, it's too much of a pain to go elsewhere to nurse. But we all have our boundaries. (For me, I'll nurse in the middle of a crowded city square, but get me in front of even one of my students and I wouldn't nurse! That's my boundary.)

Feeling like less of a lactivist because of your own personal preferences is like feeling like less of a feminist because you choose to stay home with your kids. In both cases the key is that you have the choice.

[iris0110]

You shouldn't feel badly about it. I was never comfortable nursing ds1 in public. I have large breasts and do have to bear it all to nurse. I can't just discretely pop baby on. Ds1 was highly distractable and couldn't nurse with alot going on anyway so we always found a dressing room or went to the car for nursing.

With DS2 I feel much more relaxed. I am better at it and don't need to get my whole breast out to latch him on. Also I think I have just gotten a bit lazy. I don't want to pack up two kids and go scouting for a nursing lounge every time he needs to eat. He also eats far more frequently than ds1 did so if I take him out he will need to eat at some point. With ds1 I could run short erands and get back before he was hungry again, but that doesn't work with ds2. I bought myself some belly huggers so my pudgy belly didn't show (that is my biggest hang up) and I mostly nurse in the sling and use the tail for coverage. Now that ds2 is getting bigger I just cover what I can and let him cover the rest. I just don't care as much anymore what other people see.

[Quagmire]

Nah, you shouldn't feel guilty. Everyone has their personal comfort levels, and if you prefer to have some privacy while you give your son the absolute best, there is nothing wrong with that!

[ColoradoMama]

I just posted a pg hormone induced rant about this on another forum! Nursing is a relationship between two people and only two (unless of course you're tandem nursing!). Nursing moms shouldn't be made to feel bad about their nursing choices whether it is to nurse in public, cover up, or go somewhere they are more comfortable. Only you know what is best for you. Feel good that you are making the best choices for you and your child! We nursing mamas need to band together - where we nurse isn't as important as the nursing relationship! Be true to yourself girlfriend - nurse proud no matter where that is (under a blanket, in a private room, in the middle of a crowded bus station)!!!!

[ashcox]

I understand completely how you feel. I have really had to make myself NIP mostly because I'm lazy and don't want to have to find somewhere else to feed ds. It's funny though, I'm a lot more comfortable nursing around strangers (i.e. at the mall, restraunts, in the front yard, etc) than I am around people we know like with our church group. (During church I always go to the nursery just because I go to a little bitty country church and they'd be so uncomfortable if I fed ds during the service.) We are getting together with the group a bunch this weekend so I really need to decide what I feel comfortable doing.
But back to the OP.... I say, nurse when where and how you are comfortable. The main thing is that you are giving that precious baby what he needs.

[lasergirl]

I agree- you have to do what you are comfortable with. It never bothered me one bit- but my ds didn't like being covered and I was too lazy to take it elsewhere. It was all about convenience for me!
Have you tried nursing in a sling- it can be done very discreetly.
Also- there is a WAHM company that I know of that sells belly covers. You were them under your shirt, so when you lift up to nurse your belly isn't exposed. I never used them, but I have some as they are great for helping my pre-prego tops fit better- covers my big ole belly!! I think they are a great idea. Let me know if you want her number.

[judybean]

ditto all that has been said.

any and all of my NIP adventures have been with a blanket close at hand. lucy was mostly covered during our nursing sessions, but actually i think that's more for the belly factor than the boob factor.

it took me a long time even to be comfortable nursing in public with a blanket for cover-up.

the most important thing? you are nursing your child. your babe doesn't care where or how, just that you are. that's the heart of the matter.

[crissei]

Thanks everyone! I do feel better.
I think I wouldn't mind NIP if I could just figure out how to do it without showing everything! I have tried and tried, sling, blanket, you name it. Keep in mind DS is almost 17 months. It wasnt so bad when he was little but,
they are big and, pointing south! I always have had to hold it up for him.:

[chelsmm]

I agree with what the others said about not feeling guilty, it's your choice, etc. But, if you want to nip for convinience reasons, I found that as my baby got older and better at nursing, it got easier. When she was 2 months old I never would have nip, because it involved a lot of manuvering just to get her to latch, etc. Now, at 7 months old, she finds it herself, stays latched, and takes much less time to eat. So, if it's something you want to do, keep that in mind. Otherwise, who cares WHERE you bf your babe, the only important thing is that you do.

[chelsmm]

oops, I missed your second post, sorry!