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Stepmom and ds probs WWYD?(x posted from preteens) - Page 2

post #21 of 29
Thread Starter 
Hi I dont have any numbers for the ex at work or cell phone number, never was allowed to talk to him so didnt need them. I really really need to talk to him but dont know how I am going to do this. Also, another update. She called and left a message saying she WILL talk to me before I decide not to speak to her again and I BETTER pick up the phone and talk to her. I did not, as I had already sent her an email stating I had decided to not speak to her again as I dont like her behaviour towards me. Anyway, about 10 mins after that, she called again and hubby answered the phone and said please dont call back. It is so so sad that it has come to this but I know she will just yell at me and curse and nothing will be solved. It will just upset me more. Ugh!
post #22 of 29
Have you tried googling your ex? It's terrifying how much information you can get on someone that way (if you don't believe me, try it on yourself.) and you may well be able to get a company name, possibly even a phone number.

I have to say, I think at this point I'd be trying to get back home as quickly as possible- I forgot you were in the UK atm, whereabouts??- or invite your lad out here for a visit. You know, Europe, culture, history, etc. Flights are getting cheaper these days.
I don't think there's anything gained by telling her you don't want to talk to her, though: it allows her to explore her full depths of immaturity. In retrospect, it would be easier to just ignore her.
post #23 of 29
Can you ask your son for his dad's phone numbers? Surely, he should have those.
post #24 of 29
Thread Starter 
Well, my son does not have his number so thats out of the question. She sent me three emails, quite nasty and manipulative. I have not responded to them at all. I am totally ignorning them. I just guess I will have to ignore her no matter what at this point. She also states in the emails my sons father does not want to speak to me either so I guess now we wont be communicating about him. This is sad.
post #25 of 29
do you know his email address? Can you forward to him? Do you know his parent's contact info? Do you really not know how to reach your ex?
post #26 of 29
Thread Starter 
Honestly, no. I do know his parents number, but they are the most gossipy family in the world and as soon as I called them for his cell number, they would call her right away and this would make her even more upset. He does not have email or anything, she does, but he is basically computer illeteriate anyway. I know where he works, but he works in road construction, so he is actually never at the office site, but on road working duties, so that is pointless. I do not know if it is true what she says about him not speaking to me, but I guess I can believe it. My ex and I have been apart for 11 years and they have been married 10. I have seen him and spokent to him 6 times in 11 years. That was because my son was in the hospital when he was 7 and his dad would come visit him occasionally. That is the only times I have spoken to him.I had asked to speak to him on the phone occasionally and she would say he doesnt want to speak to me. It is strange why he would be that way as when we split up we were very young and there were and are not any hard feelings, it was a mutual thing. So I cant see him harbouring bad feelings toward me for anything. I really am running out of ideas but thanks mommymine for giving advice and listening to me. In the emails she sent me she basically threaten to blackmail me, saying she would tell my now husband horrible things that i have done in the past(that did not happen, but she is going to tell them to him and make them up, I dont know what she had in mind), if I didnt talk to her. Can you believe this? My hubby of course would not believe her, and could care less about my past, but this is the type of behaviour she is displaying toward me, and has done so in the past. I have always turned the other cheek for my sons case, but I am 31 years old and really have had enough of it and refuse to allow it to continue now. My son is 13 almost, what is the legal age that a judge allows a child to choose where he wants to live??? I know for a fact my son would probably want to live with me full time, of course, I do not want to take him away from his father, but something has to be done.
post #27 of 29
I would contact your ex directly. Generally it surprises me that people in step act like the husband and wife in the other marraige don't talk but the fact that she thinks that your dh would be swayed by her lies suggests that maybe her and her husband don't talk?

I would reach out to him with a simple message-
I am not interested in any further communication with your wife. I need to communicate with you regarding our child.

I would do it once in all the media you have at your disposal (even gossipy family)

Then I would not answer her calls or if you do accidentally simply say calmly "I am sorry I can't speak with you is my son or my ex availble?" and begin to document denial of contact (if you are kept from talking to your son if you wont' go through her) and lack of effort on the cp's behalf to facilitate a relationship with the ncp parent.

This documentation will take you to court.

Get a restraining order against her if she continues to contact you unsolicidedly esp if she keeps talking to you about things not kid related.

That or just keep listening and ignoring her.

from what you describe though you paint a picture of a woman who is left doing all the childcare for your child- your ex (her husband and your child's father) sounds incredibly uninvolved in his son's life. You keep saying he is a good dad but I struggle to see that. I must say I don't think that "good parents" allow anyone (including themselves) to be mean to or snark about the other parent in this way. I think that denegrading one of the child's parents is abusive to the child.

I think you need to realize that he is either checked out or complicit in her behavior- either option is not good for your son.
post #28 of 29
^^^^^ yeah that^^^^

But also, you need to print and save the emails. Treat every contact with this woman like you were taking her to court. I know you hate to live your life like this, but you may have to protect your son. Never be anything but polite and COLD, deadpan, no emotion with this woman. It will serve you well, even if you have to cry into your hubby's arms.
post #29 of 29
Thread Starter 
Update...well, i havent been on since my last post. discovered, in one of the emails she sent me, she also sent something very nice..a |VIRUS. It destroyed our whole pc content and we had to reinstall windows totally and lost everything. She knows our business is internet based and tried to hit us hard. It only worked for 2 days, so she didnt hurt us too bad. Bitch. That was terrible of her. I have saved the emails. I did talk to my son yesterday finally, I tried to call him today and she answered. Said he was at a friends, and she asked me if i was still not talking to her and i said no and hung up. She rang me 3 times and when i picked it up it was her shouting and i just hung up. I cant believe it. I did not mention to her the virus and all the work it took out of us. I did not want her to know she bothered us. My sons dad is not there a lot of the time, he works from 5am to 6pm monday thru saturday. When he is there, he is full on playing with my son, helping him with his work and talking with him. He just works a lot though, so she does most of the care, it still does not excuse her behaviour. I am keeping record of these things now and when we get back to the states i will get a restraining order if needed.
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