a little vent

[MeredithMommy]

don't mind me, just a little vent.

I was at MIL's the other day and we were watching dd play outside and mil looks at me and asks if I still have all my baby stuff. I say yes. She asks do you still have all your bottles. (the bottles, all 57 of them were given to me, I returned the ones that were new, gave the used ones to goodwill and kept 3 platex nursers that DD used a couple times) I said yeah I still have the platex nursers that dd used. MIL said "Oh, well, I was just wondering if you were going to do this baby the way you did dd". Meaning she wondered if I was going to breastfeed this baby and be an absolute B!*$% when anyone suggested bottles or formula. And probably wondered if I planned on "starving this baby to death" too. My MIL was absolutely convinced that I was starving my 15 lb 3 month old because I wouldn't give her any "real food" GRRRRR

[quinbearzmama]

I've been there...with my entire family and husband's family. People have told me it's a generational thing, but when my mother and MIL see their daughters/DILs parenting the same way they did, it seems to validate their anti-AP comments. It's so frustrating...I hope you take comfort in knowing you are doing the best for your baby and only *you* know what your baby needs.

[Naughty Dingo]

Oh man, sorry Mama.

Don't you wonder what is going through their heads? Yeah maybe they think you are crazy but, whatever..... Why can't they let things go? Not their business. What is it to them? Obviously the kid is doing fine right? So let..... it.....go............

Mama I hope you can find a nice way to laugh about this instead of just being frustrated. That would soooo drive me bananas though


ND

[bc1995]

Grrrr, how frustrating to have to put up with comments like that. My inlaws feel the same way. They had my sil giving her baby cereal at 1 week old. EEEEEKKKKK!!! My mil knows better than to comment to me about any of my choices though.

[sophiamama]

Ugh! How frustrating! My MIL wouldn't even hold my dd because I was nursing......how's that for strange?:

[Owen'nZoe]

Awww, sorry, mama! Family can be so funny (read: frustrating) when it comes to breastfeeding. *sigh*

[miranda]

That sucks. It's always frusterating to have people act that way. I would just do my best to look at the lovely result of your choices, your healthy, beautiful dd, and ignore the naysayers.

[boscopup]

I say don't forget the line "The doctor says..." If you say your doctor says your baby shouldn't get solid food until 6 months, they'll be more likely to believe you than if you say you don't want to give your baby solid food until 6 months, kwim? If your baby isn't seeing a doctor who says that, you can always be referring to Dr. Sears when you say "the doctor", and that won't be lying.

I was lucky... I was breastfed, as was DH. And I didn't get solid food until 6 months because they were *just* starting to recommend that. I think DH got solid food earlier since he was under military doctor care (they were WAY behind the times... I have a feeding sheet from the local military hospital from the time DH was a baby, and it said to feed formula and to give cereal at 2 weeks, etc. - really scary stuff). So I didn't get flak for my choices, but I've seen friends get it from their parents/inlaws.

[amyandelle]

Originally Posted by MeredithMommy

And probably wondered if I planned on "starving this baby to death" too. My MIL was absolutely convinced that I was starving my 15 lb 3 month old because I wouldn't give her any "real food" GRRRRR

Hmmmm... maybe we are part of the same family!!!!!: I was also accused of starving my dd because nobody in my family ever breastfed and they know NOTHING about it yet they feel that they are the athorities and freely spewed their unsolicited advice at me. Also did you know that there is no point in breastfeeding after 6 months I was informed by my step grandmother (who never had children) that after 6 months your milk looses all of it's nutrients
Amy

[MotherWhimsey]

It's really annoying when they make comments like that, but in a sick sort of way I really enjoy annoying the heck out of people by NIP with a two year old and stuff. Like my sister freaks out that I don't vaccinate, breastfeed a two year old, and an having a homebirth (a doctor prescribed home birth, so she can't complain too much lol). So I bring up vaccination a lot and breastfeed my two year old without inhibition (I mean I'm a very discreet nurser, but it just bugs her to know). Like I get some sick pleasure out of bugging the snot out of her. Oh well, you have to make the best of the situation so I guess that's how I deal with it.

[milk_maker]

BTDT but my grandmother equates BFing with sexual abuse. We just don't talk about it with her.

[Basylica]

ugh, that drives me nuts!!

I'll probably be ranted about by my daughter-in-laws 30 years from now though "ol wench, keeps giving me breastpumps and books and dammit...formula is the current best accepted way...blah blah"

Teehee!

I don't think anyone could have said I was starving my kiddo...he was 20lbs at 4m old!
Course, there were the "he's ready for STEAK" when he was born, and around 9-12m I got the "can't he just have a little taste of X??"

I'm reasonably sure she slipped him stuff when she was watching him.... :

[Owen'nZoe]

Course, there were the "he's ready for STEAK" when he was born, and around 9-12m I got the "can't he just have a little taste of X??"

And please don't tell me I'm the only one who got, "Waiting til 6 months might be OK if you had a girl, but he is a boy. He NEEDS solids."

[Naughty Dingo]

You guys, I'm sorry to laugh at your pain, but these comments are cracking me up OMG where do people come up with this stuff????


ND

[Basylica]

I waited until he was a year....

and he was pretty much the first grandbaby on ALL sides, and great grandbaby...etc.

So I didn't get any "well, that might have been okay for X, she was a girl..." or anything...

and we only live near my hub's parents and lone sister (his other sis was in st louis until recently) so we only had 3 members to judge us

Now, we have Dh's aunt and uncle, and his sis (who is 6wks ahead of me, altho it's a bad situation) as well as MIL/FIL and his baby sis...

Oh well, i had the first, i'm the expert now

I'm curious wether or not SIL will breastfeed.... I think it's about a 40/60 (60% FFed) at this point, but I haven't questioned her on it really.

She's having a scheduled Csection and weekly Uses though, and about had a heart attack when DS was born in a birthcenter. Tried to talk us out of it everytime she saw us. Oh well!

[quinbearzmama]

It has been so fun to read this thread since we HAVE ALL BEEN THERE!!! Now along those lines, what do you recommend for educating other *pregnant* family members? My SIL comes from a family that is pushing the epidural, formula, solids at 6 weeks- everything we have been venting about in this thread. She sees how happy I have been with natural parenting but is afraid "she can't live up to our example." She is celebrating a birthday in a few days and a Mothering mag subscription seems to be a perfect present. Any other suggestions to show her that AP/natural family living isn't for bragging rights but for a wonderful lifestyle??

[Naughty Dingo]

I think the best way is to show by example and to give good gifts like a sling or good books and to be there to help the Mama out when she has problems. It is a hard thing though, that balance of giving info and avoiding being too pushy (that's not the right word, but you know what I mean, when they glaze over and don't want to hear any more about it etc)

ND

[Pandora114]

And why is it people MUST feed a baby?
Seriously? Why MUST They give a baby food when they clearly aren't ready for it?

I was at my grandfather's wake, when my DD was 5mos old. I stepped outside for a smoke, leaving my mom in charge of my DD. Thought I could trust her. Yeah I could...but my AUNT decided to shovel in a spoonful of potato salad into my DD's mouth while my mom's attention was elsewhere.

:

My aunt never bf'd a day in her life and was honestly thinking I was starving my poor kid to death...

I think with this kid, I'm gonna draw concentric circles on my breasts and write 1 oz 2 oz 3 oz..up to 8 per breast *giggle*


Work Smarter not harder! That's my motto!

[Naughty Dingo]

Pandora, that's brilliant. Can you make one regular and make one soy?

ND

[Cathi]

Got a similar reaction from my MIL this weekend at ds' 5th birthday party.

"So now that dh has a better paying job than last time around you can buy formula, right?"

: I was dumbfounded but dh said "Why buy crap when the good stuff is free?"