Still trying to convince my ex church not to give a shame based message.

[stockingup99]

Hello friendly internet moms,

Please help me decide what to do next. I sent this letter to my former church, and was rebuffed again. The only change that seems to have happened is that they removed the breast is best for your baby bit from their formula moms only page.

I am dismayed. Here's the note I recently sent to church:


Selection:
Message to a Pastor

Comments:
Dear Servant of God, Please help me resolve this issue. I really miss Northridge. I have been unable to attend Northridge since my nine month old child started attending the nursery. I am dismayed at the treatment we received, and wonder why. The staff knew my son was breastfed, and requested that I bring a bottle for him next time he came. The next time, I brought one of the precious few bottles I had left, so I could have an hour alone with God in the service. The caregiver refused the bottle, and offered me 'free safer formula' to refill it. She told me my milk was a hazardous bodily fluid. I left in tears. I contacted (removed her name), and she maintained that sionce a baby was given the wrong bottle once in your nursery, that they couldn't expose other child to the 'risk'. I provided lilnks to the OSHA and CDC websites which state that breastmilk is not a hazardous fluid. I let her know that a breastfed baby which drinks formula may have a severe reaction the very first time, and that feeding changes like this should be discussed with a peditrician first. She would not budge. I feel that a shame based message followed by an offer of free safer formula is very detrimental to a new mom. Imagine a new mom, looking forward to returning to church and being told she is dirty, and doesn't deserve the same rights as formlua moms. Northridge does a lot of good work around the globe. The WHO (World Health Organization) guildines for promotion of artificial feeding is clearly being violated here. They are very clear, free fromula should not be offered to nursing mothers. This has shaken my faith again. Wasn't Jesus breastfed? I left my previous church becuase the priest sat behind his desk and laughed as he said I should not even feed my child in the parking lot, that the women would be mean to me, and only bottles were appropriate. Today I checked your website, and now it is very pro formula. Sue

And here is parts of the reply. I removed names and stuff before posting:

:

Thank you for your note Susan.

The information that you received from (name deleted), Director of Discovery Island, is our practice as a church.

If you want to address this further with (her first name), you can contact her at (her phone number). If you choose to contact her, please know that she will not be able to contact you until the week of June 5 due to some previous commitments.

Again ... thank you for taking time to write!

(removed his name)
LifeStage Ministries Pastor


Please give me some advice. The bit that irks me, is that he did not encourage me to come back. I said this pratice shook my faith and he fluffed that bit entirely.

Nick was 9 months then, and now he is 19 months, so feeding him is not the issue. Offering free formula to the very few moms who are successful here (Detroit Metro) as a condition, and calling the best milk a hazardous bodily fluid is something I would like to stop.

We need to pick our battles. Do you feel this is one that deserves some attention?

[TinkerBelle]

I think they are way off here. I also think that if they cannot give a child the correct bottle, especially if it is properly labled, etc, then they need to stop doing nursery duty.

But, could you not nurse right before the service and that way, you would not have to mess with their ignorance? That is what I did with DS1 and DS2.

I think what has happened is just wrong. I hope you get a decent answer soon. I also hope you can find a church to better fit your needs. We also left a church last year, because they basically said our Autistic son was not welcome in any classes, yet the assistant pastor's child, who is severely mentally disabled, is worked with and is welcome. I know how it feels.

[aisraeltax]

so sorry. no advice here. are they part of any greater organization that you could appeal to?
why woudl a pastor not address your issue re: your faith. that is just messed up.
basically, you are told to deal wtih the person taht you already have been unable to deal with.
and why does a church have a pro formula based page on tehir website?

soudns like the best campaign for you is a writing campaign to them and perhaps get some other members of the church involved.

if you think its worth it.

[Belle]

Originally Posted by TinkerBelle

I think they are way off here. I also think that if they cannot give a child the correct bottle, especially if it is properly labled, etc, then they need to stop doing nursery duty.

I agree. Giving a child the wrong bottle can be hazardous even if the child is formula fed. It should not make a difference if your child is ffed or bfed. They just need to ensure that the correct bottle goes to the correct child.

[Sustainer]

Hazardous bodily fluid????? Can't expose other children to the risk????? Only bottles are appropriate?????

We need to pick our battles. Do you feel this is one that deserves some attention?

YES!!!

[erinjkelley]

ugh

I'm sorry this has happened to you twice now! I think it's awesome that you are speaking up. They need to hear the truth about their church practices. IMO write another letter or stop by and talk to the pastor in person. Maybe remind him that the church is not supposed to cause divisions based on "church practices," but by only allowing formula they are giving you no choice as that is not an option for your baby. Also I would say something about how the church is supposed to seek the truth, and that by being anti-bf they are rejecting not only the best nutrition for the baby, but also the natural order of things the way God made them. HTH. I'm all fired up now. :

[Ruthla]

I wonder if you should write a letter to a local newspaper about what happened in the church.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by stockingup99

We need to pick our battles. Do you feel this is one that deserves some attention?

YES!!!! I'm not usually on the battle bandwagon. I think you should contact the media and SHAME them into some sensibilities. On what basis is BM a hazardous body fluid!??

They are not interested in a dialog with you and have proven they won't change their minds and listen to rational science.

It's absurd that they cannot figure out how to give babies correct bottles. Every day care in the country somehow has that down! And giving formula to all babies won't solve the issue that some baby on a specific formula will have a reaction.

If you really want to try and work with the weirdo he named again, perhaps a day care director would provide some training to the nursery lady on how to manage to give the correct bottles and diapers to children. Perhaps you could arrange for such education. This is ridiculous and they've got some FF thing going on that defies actual reason.

[Sijae]

I agree this is definitely something that should be followed up on. It's really quite unfathomable that they would actually say those things. I'm not sure why you are protecting the name of the church and the people in it? I don't know what church you are talking about so I don't know if there is a higher authority in the church you can go to. If there is I would do it but I would spend a lot of time on the letter. I also think going to the newspaper and sharing the names here would be appropriate to generate community response.

Laura

[kat85]

How horrible, the church must have forgotten in the time of Eve (I pretty sure for a very long time after that) breast milk was the only thing a woman had to give her baby. Could you look into legal action for this type of matter.

[Sustainer]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I wonder if you should write a letter to a local newspaper about what happened in the church.

I second this suggestion.

[stockingup99]

I removed the names of the people, before posting to the board. The church is Northridge www.northridgechurch.com if you would like to view their 'policies'.

The first letter ten months ago, I spent time on. This was just a typed into a tiny box note on their website.

It is an independant church with about 10,000 members. They do tons of relief work around the world. I wonder if the WHO (World Health Organization) could help to bring them away from a clear violation.

Thanks for confirmation that this is a good battle, and I am the one looking into the scientific aspects, while they are (fill in the blank).

Hey Ho Lactaphobia has to go.

[grumpyshoegirl]

Oh dear. This strikes me as wrong on so many levels.

For starters, I don't think a church has any business promoting any brand-name products. That's not what churches are for, and at some gut level this really bothers me as a Christian.

Secondly, any place that has any business calling itself a nursery should have competent enough staff to give the right foods to the right babies. I worked in a daycare in high school, and it didn't matter what the kids brought in, they were the only ones to get it! So how another child could get your baby's bottle at all is a mystery to me.

Thirdly, the pastor's disrespectful treatment of you is worrisome. I know that you only posted excerpts of the letter but it just seems like he completely ignored your concerns.

I think you should definitely make this an issue. Call the nursery director, call the pastor, have a meeting, and if that fails alert the media maybe?

[The4OfUs]

You know, I'm not usually one to hop on the media thing, but this is defintiely a battle worth fighting, and seeing if the WHO or the media would be interested sounds like a good idea to me.

I'm so sorry you had to have this happen, but an very PROUD that you stood up for what you know is right and didn't let them 'shame' you into anything.

[MaryJaneLouise]

Originally Posted by stockingup99

I removed the names of the people, before posting to the board. The church is Northridge www.northridgechurch.com if you would like to view their 'policies'.

I get the message from that site:

Directory Listing Denied
This Virtual Directory does not allow contents to be listed

[somanyjoys]

I can't get to the church site, either. This is absolutely ridiculous! Yes, call the media...is it a church that is part of a larger convention of churches? Contact the diocese or convention or whatever, too. I am appalled. I nurse my babe in the nursery in front of anybody who walks in or by either before I drop off dd or when I pick her up. I am so sorry this happened to you.

[stockingup99]

http://www.northridgechurch.com/Kids/

sorry about the link, try this one.

Nursing anywhere is fine with them. The director actual made sure that I knew that nursing anywhere on church grounds was a okay.

[zksgreen]

Bottle & Food Guidelines
Due to an increase in the number of children with severe food allergies, Discovery Island’s Nursery and Preschool areas do not provide snacks or juice in the rooms during ministry time. If you feel your child will require a snack while he/she is here, please feel free to bring one from home and we will provide a place for you to come and feed your child.

Additionally, for children ages 18 mos. and older, we would request that parents provide water only in your child’s sipper cup/bottle. Children ages 6 weeks – 17 months of age may have formula or milk (no breast milk) in their bottles or cups. All bottles and cups must be clearly labeled with your child’s first and last name. Nursery volunteers will not be able to offer a bottle or cup that is not properly labeled.

Please Note: For breastfed babies a comfortable nursing mother’s room with a live service monitor is available.

http://northridgechurch.com/kids/Vol...erPolicies.asp

This is a shame. At my church young mothers are encouraged to nurse in service so that their babies are peaceful. We don't have a mothering room.

[aisraeltax]

i dont see where they say you have to bring formula though. i thought taht was on their website?

[MaryJaneLouise]

Can you not nurse your child before you drop off & after you pick up? You said the service is only an hour, right? Can you leave a bottle or sippie of water for DC?