spacing pregnancies/babies: your thoughts?

[XanaduMama]

Hi all,

I'm a lucky mom to one fabulous and (pretty) easy baby boy, who's 5 months old this week. In between my totally-overwhelmed-sleep-deprived-and-panicking-because-I-can't-write-my-dissertation moments, I've recently started jonesing to be pg again...hormones, perhaps? But this got me thinking about "ideal" spacing of babies and wondered if you-all had any thoughts? Have you had yours 2-3 years or more apart (this is what I'd imagined doing)? A year apart? Both? On purpose or by accident? What are the pros and cons, from your personal standpoint, of either? Let's share!

[ACsMom]

I just had my first, and we're planning to have 2, and I'm in conflict about this. I'd prefer to space them at least 2 years, 3 would be better, but on the other hand I'm 36 already and I ain't gettin any younger. My dd is not an easy baby so this is another factor motivating me to wait! I can't imagine going through this again anytime soon!

[Amylcd]

My girls are 15 months apart and it is *wonderful*. I can't imagine it any other way. They are best friends
At first I thought it would be difficult having two that young, but actually, nothing changed.

[Mary-Beth]

My dd's are a couple days shy of being 19 mos apart.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE their spacing for so many reasons. I was committed to not pushing the older child to be a "big girl" and I do think this is important. I would not have weaned her for the purpose of getting pregnant. I got pregnant co-sleeping, nursing, etc. I was still able to carry her and hold her through the pregnancy. Because of EC she wasn't in diapers after 14 months- again this had nothing to do with another baby coming. My dd's have both been very verbal and not really "high needs" although to some extent all little one's are high needs. The advantages are that they are so close...they take the same yoga class, same art class, etc. Of course, they don't have to do everything together...if one develops a different interest they can each go their own way.

I've heard some pretty judgmental comments on MDC about closely spaced children. But it's been very good for us.
I'm hoping for another child but this one will have to be closer to 3-4 years from dd2 and about 5 years from dd1. I hope it will be good for other reasons. I think spacing is personal and what is ideal varies family to family.

[mamanurse]

For health reasons, some OBs and CNMs recommend spacing pregnancies at least 18 months apart. They say that a mother's iron and other vitamin/mineral stores are mostly replenished by then. That said, we want to start trying in December for a second and that definitely won't be 18 months after the end of my last pregnancy.

[mclisa]

My girls are 2 years 2months apart. I'm hoping to continue that trend. It really is long enough to recover from the pregnancy. The girls are close enough in age that they play really well together. I love that. I hope they always are that close.

I think there are pros and cons to all spacing. It just depends on how it works out for you and your family.

[Mama2 '05'06]

My dd will be about 15 months when the new baby is born. In a way I am glad but on the other hand it will be alot of work. I was really thinking 18 months apart would be good and dh said 5 yrs I don't think he was ready for me to be pregnant again! I don't know if I was ready to be pg again but it's OK now. Now the question is whether we will use some sort of bc after this baby is born. The funny/crazy thing is that I already find myself wanting another little one after this baby and this one isn't even born yet!:

[mom*of*6]

Well, we had Nicholas in June of 89 and Ashlee was born in June of 90, so they are 12 months apart. LOVE it.. Then we waited and then August of 92 we had Cassidy and October of 93 we had Anthony... Well then we THOUGHT we were done having babies.. LOL then in May of 2004 we found out we were having Dominic, who was born in January of 2005.. So, we then decided to have 1 more close in age. So in October we found out we were having numero 6!! He is due 26 June. I really love having them close in age, with the 1st 4 kids it was ALOT of work with 4 under 4 and lots of Organization. BUT well worth it. It was odd having an almost 12 year gap, LOL.. We litterly started all over..

[Nathan1097]

Mine are all 2 years apart- except the first and last which are 4 years apart. Works well! I think whatever gap you get is what you are used to, though.

[starlein26]

My two will be 39 months apart which works out great for us. I didn't feel ready to even think about it until my son was 2. Ds is so mature now and so much less needy of my attention all the time. He has the patience to wait if I'm busy which is important when one has a needy infant to care for. And I can reason with him, granted he's very intelligent, but still. And I feel I gave my body time to recoup it's resources between pregnancies.

It's a personal choice so you should get pregnant when it feels right for you!

[Shiloh]

having had three I would agree that 36-40 months space would have been ideal for me, it allows for a child to be breastfed for food for the first two years without worries of pregnancy drying up the milk etc. I also liked having the one child out of diapers, not needing to be carried before the next one comes.

[homeblossom]

three in five yrs

Our first two dds were 16 months apart. Biggest con was I delivered cesarean first and I abrupted on the second one although I was looking forward to VBAC. Biggest pro was their best friends now, although I must have been insane at the time because I remember running while breastfeeding my newborn to chase my toddler out of the trashcan. Then double diapers, and double stroller, really intense. Living rurally though, they made for great playmates when they got just a little older. Next one was three years later and the next five years later. I guess you slow down after a while. Now my girls are my momma's helpers team with newest.

[Skrimpy]

My first two are 19 months apart. #2 and #3 are 24 months apart. I like both spacings and think each had its pros and cons. I like that my first two are very close and are playmates. My second is very shy and I think he would be even more so if it weren't for his big sister.

I loved the spacing between the second two because I felt like I really got to baby #2 for longer than I did #1.

We may eventually have a fourth child and if we do it will be at least another year when we TTC (so our third will be almost 24 months, making him close to 3 before another comes).

Though I am so thankful for my children and love them and the spacing that they have, if I could go back I would honestly wait. I feel like I had no problem managing two so close together and three now, but I feel like I had to rush through #1's babyhood, even though I still "babied" her it wasn't the same. She weaned at 14 months and I'm still sad about that. I would have loved to baby #2 for even longer too, and I don't think he would have weaned at 24 months if #3 hadn't been born then. I sometimes wish we'd waited to TTC until each was 24 months. Also, #2 has some special needs that we are just now addressing. I feel if I hadn't been focusing so much on new baby #3, I might have picked up on those needs sooner.

It's so confusing trying to plan children, and to balance your desire for more with what you should give the ones you have.

[AngelBee]

For us, we just leave it up to God.

But my children have been 2yr 2 mths apart, 2 yr 9 mths apart, and this time around will be about 2yr 2 weeks

This has been a blessing for us!

[gen_here]

When #2 comes along, they'll be about 21 months apart. It was ideal for us for 2 reasons. 1 - I'll be 30 when this one is born, and we'd like another babe or two... and I'm not one of those women who wants to PLAN a pregnancy in her forties (though, if that should happen, we would welcome the baby... just wouldn't be *our* plan). 2 - We didn't want our son to remember being an only child and feel "dethroned"... we'd rather he always know what having a sibling is like. I'm blessed in that, while my milk supply is down some, I still have milk and he still nurses at will at almost 16 months. We're very happy with the spacing so far

[umbrella]

The spacing between kids is 5 years. I never would have planned it like that from the start. That seems absurdly long. And you're totally starting all over with baby stuff, when you've been out of that phase for So long. A 5 year old can do So MUCH.

That said, now that I have that spacing, I think it's great. Like I said, a 5 year old can do so much. It's much easier taking care of my second baby than I expected, because my 1st child is so independant at this point.

My baby is now 9 months old, and I'd like to ttc dc3 asap though. I mean, if I'm going to do it, I want to do now. It worked out fine the first time, but I don't want to get completely out of the baby stage again, only to get back into it again. Plus, I'm not getting any younger.

[eightyferrettoes]

Mine will be 19 months apart.

DH and I talked it over beforehand and decided we'd just let nature run its course in the family "planning" department. We're both pretty Type B laid-back sorts, so that works out well for us.

Though I reeeeally don't want to keep having kids every 18 months till death or menopause. :

Mostly I think everybody likes the spacing of their own kids... I've talked to people who had them 12 YEARS apart who considered it the "perfect" spacing, and people who had them 12 MONTHS apart who swear they'd never have it any other way.

[DreamsInDigital]

My older two are 4 years and 5 months apart and that is WAY too long. I have a lot of problems with jealousy between them, fighting and such.
My younger two are 27 months apart and while that seems okay, I actually want to space the next one a little closer to the youngest. We will TTC when DS#3 is about 1.

[~Quse~]

Mine were 29 months apart. Overall, it worked out very well.

My oldest didn't get jealous, but she did have a hard time getting used to the idea that I couldn't hold her as much.

DS will be 1 this month. We're pretty much leaving things up to nature.

[milk4two]

I've had them as close as 14 months, and as far apart as 6 years. Having them close (like 2 yrs or less) is hard in many ways but I love how the bond they have when they grow up little together. I don't think there's one ideal spacing, just depends on the kids and your life.