Originally Posted by Kleine Hexe
I really don't believe that anyone is saying that they are not grateful for the opportunity to be able to choose to stay home. No one is talking about single parents, or people who truely do need two incomes just to buy food. That's a whole different scenerio. Yes, I'm grateful to be married to a man who is able and willing to support his family. I do not become irritated when a single mom or a mom having to work just to pay rent comments that I am lucky. I wish we lived in a world where she could stay home with her children.
I get irritated (and I believe this is what other posters are also referring too) when a mom who clearly does not *have* to work in order to have the basics such as food, clothing, and shelter. They choose to work for whatever reasons but it is not because they can not afford food. An old college friend of mine now has a child and she tells me all the time how lucky I am to be able to stay home as if she did not have that choice. She does have that choice but she does not choose it. Fine. Just don't go on and on about how it's all about luck and she does not have that luck. She has a brand new 3100 square foot house with 4 bedrooms, 3.5 baths, three car garage in an expensive development. Oh, and they have two vehicles....one is an SUV bought right after the baby was born. They just took a week long cruise to the bahamas. Her 2 year old has all the brand name clothing, her own TV and DVD player, her own computer, and don't forget her own bathroom. When they were having their house built I asked if they were planning on more children due to the size of the house. She said no, why? I said "well, 4 bedrooms and 3 and a half baths...I thought maybe you were making room for an expanding family. She told me that one bedroom was theirs of course and one for her daughter, the other was the guest room, and the 4th was the office. She stated to me matter of factly that her daughter needed her own bathroom. We all know a 2 year old girl needs her own bathroom.
So when she (and people in her life situation) tell me how lucky I am to stay at home it's ticks me off. Because they are not validating the sacrifices we make so that I can stay home. I can't talk about being broke. She's shocked if I even say that we don't order pizza once or twice a week becasue we can't afford it. I should go get a job then....so we can order pizza.
Just come out and be honest about the choices you make. It's fine to say "I don't want to stay home because I prefer to have nice things and be able to spend money when I want to." Don't act like you have to work when you don't *have* to.....in order to survive.
YES! Exactly! Thank you!
Obviously we all feel lucky/grateful that we are able to have basic necessities, unlike much of the world.
What we're talking about here is people who are *better* able than we are to afford staying at home, but they have different priorities and they choose to work outside the home. What we're complaining about is these people making comments to us about how lucky we are to be able to afford to stay at home, and the implication is that we must have more money than they have, when the opposite is actually true. They talk about it like it's a luxury we're indulging in. They don't want to admit that they have just as much or more money than we have, because that would mean that *they, too* could stay home with their children if it were just as strong a priority for them as it is for us.
They want to have it both ways. They want to have nice "stuff" and they don't want to make sacrifices, but they also want people to think "oh yes of course we'd stay at home with our children if we could AFFORD it." If they admitted that there are people all around them who have *less* money than they have who are staying at home with their children, that would be a constant reminder to them that they are CHOOSING to work outside the home.