Mea culpa

[ExuberantDaffodil]

Forgive me.... I have sinned...

My co-worker's (who just had a baby last night) mother came in, and I chatted amicably with her about the birth of her granddaughter. Now I know my co-worker said "I'm not a nurser" when I asked her about her plans for breastfeeding (gee, I am SO nosy, huh?), but I simply could not help myself. After asking about the health and wellbeing of mama and baby and learning that both are doing well, I asked 'Grandma' how nursing was going for the little mama - in the sweetest, most normal voice I could muster, because breastfeeding is normal and I feign ignorant innocence very well. Gram looked mildly confused for a moment; "nursing" must be an ambiguous term. She then said (with a smidgeon of sadness? Please tell me I detected the smallest, almost inconeivable bit of regret in her voice), "Oh, she's bottle feeding." I nodded, with my own almost inconceivable hint of sadness, and Gram said, "She was having some problems feeding, but she had taken a few ounces by the time I left the hospital." I congratulated her profusely on the birth of her granddaughter, saying she must be so proud.... She left happy.

I know it was wrong of me. Poor grandma. I hope... Well, I can hope, but I know there is no changing my co-worker's mind. *sigh* I do believe, in my defense, that my inner Lactivist is tired of being chained up in the closet for fear of offending the general public. One of these days I am going to accidently come off much snottier than I intend.

If it weren't for MDC, I would have no outlet for my lactivism!!

[Ruthla]

As far as I'm concerned, "how's the nursing going?" is a perfectly normal, appropriate question to ask about a new mama and baby. It only crosses the line if you kept harping about it after grandma said they were bottle-feeding.

[wawap]

Yes, ITA with Ruthla... I wish it were a more common question.

[sapphire_chan]

If we aren't going to assume breastfeeding is the norm, then how can we expect anyone else to?

[RolliePollie]

That reminds me - The other day our neighbors stopped buy to see the baby. They asked if he was on Enfamil. I politely said he's a breastfed baby. I thought that was odd though to assume one is formula feeding.

[runes]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

If we aren't going to assume breastfeeding is the norm, then how can we expect anyone else to?

YEAH THAT!!!!!

[Shaunam]

A lot of people just asked if I was bf'ing or ff'ing, but one of our friends asked, "so is wic helping with the formula?" : Now, why would ANYBODY just assume I was ff'ing? And since this was a friend, I woul have thought she heard me from time to time talk about about bf'ing. Or maybe it was because DS was 4 months at the time and most babies are weaned by then. I don't know.

OP, I think what you said was fine.

[ExuberantDaffodil]

Yes, breastfeeding should be treated like the norm! Amen to this!!

I guess I was feeling a bit guilty and perhaps like I said something inappropriate beacsue I knew beforehand how the mom felt about breastfeeding (not gonna do it under any circumstances), and then I chose to act out my lactivism on her mother.

But, I will continue to ask my very normal question.

One small step....

[Hayes]

I always ask how breastfeeding is going. Sometimes, depending on the situation, I act confused when they say mom isn't breastfeeding.

[REDBREAST]

Please don't feel bad about making breastfeeding normal. I do that all the time, as a matter of fact, I had a new member come to my class and she spoke to me after wards, saying how she just had a baby and how she was having a hard time losing the pregnancy pounds and I of course say, oh, well you know the breast-feeding you are doing burns 500 calories a day, to which she replies, I am not nursing!

So sad to hear, at least I made breastfeeding sound like the norm. As lactivist that is part of the advocacy, to make breast-feeding look like it is the expected, normal, average way of feeding and that ABM is not!

[Thursday Girl]

way to go, breastfeeding is normal,and i always assume that the mom in question will be breastfeeding. and i probably would have added the hit if i knew too.

courtney

[Jadzia]

When I find out another woman is pregnant, I need to make sure I don't ask "Are you planing to breastfeed?" because it makes sound like it's not the norm. I need to instead say something like "Let me know if you need any advice about breastfeeding" which assumes she will do it.

[SaraFR]

Originally Posted by Jadzia

When I find out another woman is pregnant, I need to make sure I don't ask "Are you planing to breastfeed?" because it makes sound like it's not the norm. I need to instead say something like "Let me know if you need any advice about breastfeeding" which assumes she will do it.

I wasn't sure how to bring up this question with my expectant sil.

I simply told her that I had a good nursing book which she was available to use if she needed. Fortuantely she said "yeah, I probably should start looking into that".

[SaraFR]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

As far as I'm concerned, "how's the nursing going?" is a perfectly normal, appropriate question to ask about a new mama and baby. It only crosses the line if you kept harping about it after grandma said they were bottle-feeding.

ITA

[rmzbm]

Nah, you didn't "sin." BFing is normal, that makes FF-by-choice ABnormal. Assuming someone's doing something abnormal is rude, not the other way around!!