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Let's Brainstorm How to Improve the SAHM Forum - Page 3

post #41 of 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by CinnamonDeMarco
Kleine is what I call Pro-SAHMing. She thinks SAHMing is ideal (right?) So when we see a post like hers, what should we (collective we) do differently? What do we need to change so we stop having the same arguing. Or do you think she needs to change something about her post?
Excellent questions. And thank you for drawing clear lines so we could remember what we were talking about.

I think we could collectively have a way to remind ourselves the difference between sharing personal experience/venting and opinionating/philosophising.
So if we see a post like hers -- we could [kindly] post something like:

"I appreciate your opinion about what is "best" but on this forum we are refraining from debating this issue and instead just sharing our experiences and supporting each other and exchanging resources and advice."

I said this before -- I really think a sticky that indicates this would be very helpful.
post #42 of 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmd
I guess, then, I don't understand your post. There are moms of all varieties - ones who work and ones who stay home and ones who work at home, ones who work while their husbands stay home and some who work just part time - who come to mothering.com, which is an Attachment Parenting website.

Welcome to Mothering.com!
I don't understand your post. I thought that this forum was for stay-at-home mothers. That is the title of the forum.

I hardly think you need to tell me that there are moms of all varieties.

No wonder there is so much dissension on this forum.
post #43 of 144
And numom, I have been a WOHM. I enjoyed it. I also enjoy staying home. I don't feel strongly about either way, because I believe that what is right for me, may not be necessarily right for someone else and to put that on another person without precedent or proof is just presumtuous.
post #44 of 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatyMom
Okay here we have a really good example of what needs to change....
HUgely snipped of course!!!

I just wanted to thank KatyMom for your post... The more we show the distinctions about the kind of discussion we are trying to foster here -- the more we can create that place.
post #45 of 144
It is also very difficult to agree upon things when a place is made up of so many different people. It's like trying to agree what color is clear?
post #46 of 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueNote
And numom, I have been a WOHM. I enjoyed it. I also enjoy staying home. I don't feel strongly about either way, because I believe that what is right for me, may not be necessarily right for someone else and to put that on another person without precedent or proof is just presumtuous.
Well put, BlueNote.

Now, can we move on?
post #47 of 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueNote
And numom, I have been a WOHM. I enjoyed it. I also enjoy staying home. I don't feel strongly about either way, because I believe that what is right for me, may not be necessarily right for someone else and to put that on another person without precedent or proof is just presumtuous.
I'm not being presumptious...I have seen it here. Cmd, for example, posts very defensively about WOH, while in other posts she writes that it "took her longer" to get her priorities in order"...not exact words...its in the locked thread. She has now decided to sah. I am just using that as an example.
post #48 of 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by numom499
I'm not being presumptious...I have seen it here. Cmd, for example, posts very defensively about WOH, while in other posts she writes that it "took her longer" to get her priorities in order"...not exact words...its in the locked thread. She has now decided to sah. I am just using that as an example.
from the other thread...

Originally Posted by quinbearzmama
It really is all about the choices, isn't it? I was able to stay at home for 13 months with my first little one but had to return to work because of the "things" we acquired before we became pregnant, i.e. the bigger house, car, etc...Returning to work made me recognize what's really important in life and for me that was being home with my kids. We've worked the past year to get into a situation which will allow me to raise our children once baby # 2 arrives. It has required a lot of sacrifice and an upcoming out of state move- but I am positively glowing with the prospect of being a SAHM.


posted by cmd
Me too! Although it has taken me quite a bit longer
post #49 of 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by artgoddess
I read it KatyMom. Were you expecting everyone to stop, agree with you and have nothing else to add to the discussion after reading it?

That came out really snarky and I did not mean it to come out like that. But I can't think of another way to word my question right now, and I really am wondering if that is what you thought would happen.
Oooo, you snarky thing! <shakes finger at ya> I'm mearly pointing out that the posts following mine are starting to go off-topic. Which is exactly what we are trying to brainstorm to fix.

I can feel the tension of a Mommy War about to erupt. Instead of arguing with each other, why don't we collectively reply "your opinion has been duly noted" and move on back to the topic at hand.
post #50 of 144
Okay, fine. She's put that out there. But what's the point of dredging it up again? What I put is my own personal view on it. I feel it's presumptuous for me to assume that someone else's story is the same as MY own.

And also, while I see that people are posting their feelings, we are not privy to all their information. Perhaps she does feel ambivalent about WOHM. Who doesn't? I feel ambivalent about being a SAHM. Especially when the days are looooong and the kids are crabby.
post #51 of 144
I think allowing people to feel a certain way, be it ambivalence, distress, happiness, glowing-ness would be a huge step to improving this forum. SAHM is not better than WOHM or WAHM. It simply is different.
post #52 of 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatyMom
Oooo, you snarky thing! <shakes finger at ya> I'm mearly pointing out that the posts following mine are starting to go off-topic. Which is exactly what we are trying to brainstorm to fix.

I can feel the tension of a Mommy War about to erupt. Instead of arguing with each other, why don't we collectively reply "your opinion has been duly noted" and move on back to the topic at hand.
Okay, I get it. And you are right it is very easy to get off topic. I vow to keep the rest of my posts in this thread about how I feel the SAHM forum can become a better place.

I've been here for a couple years and I have avoided the forum before because I did not like the negative vibe I felt here. I'm hoping that you and Cinnamom can change that.
post #53 of 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by CinnamonDeMarco
I agree.

Threads saying "Breast is Best" and "Babies need co-sleeping" don't melt down like SAHMing threads. I thought Kleine was talking about SAHMing but I misunderstood her post.

This is so confusing.
I think this is narrowing in on a key point. MDC is an AP-oriented site. Breastfeeding and Co-sleeping are key pillars of Attachment Parenting. These pillars are fairly universally acknowledged, and even AP mamas who -- for some reason -- don't breastfeed or co-sleep can acknowledge that these are key principles of AP. Whether to SAH or WOH is much thornier. [For so many reasons that I could argue -- but that is not the point of this thread.]

Now one could argue [I am not taking any position here] that being at home as much as possible is a pillar of AP as well. One could argue that. One could argue that on MDC. What I think some of us are trying to say in this thread is that we don't feel making that making that arguement in this forum is what this forum is for. It's not productive here and it's not what many of us come here [to SAH forum] for.
post #54 of 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by numom499
I'm not being presumptious...I have seen it here. Cmd, for example, posts very defensively about WOH, while in other posts she writes that it "took her longer" to get her priorities in order"...not exact words...its in the locked thread. She has now decided to sah. I am just using that as an example.
I am not going to get into with you, numom. I have never stated that it took me longer to "get my priorities in order". I am going to be a SAHM right now because it is best for my family right now, but eventually, when my kids are older I will go back to work. It has nothing to do with my priorities, which have always been my family and will always be my family, whether I work or not. Yes, you are presumptious, IMO.
post #55 of 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by ibex67
I think this is narrowing in on a key point. MDC is an AP-oriented site. Breastfeeding and Co-sleeping are key pillars of Attachment Parenting. These pillars are fairly universally acknowledged, and even AP mamas who -- for some reason -- don't breastfeed or co-sleep can acknowledge that these are key principles of AP. Whether to SAH or WOH is much thornier. [For so many reasons that I could argue -- but that is not the point of this thread.]

Now one could argue [I am not taking any position here] that being at home as much as possible is a pillar of AP as well. One could argue that. One could argue that on MDC. What I think some of us are trying to say in this thread is that we don't feel making that making that arguement in this forum is what this forum is for. It's not productive here and it's not what many of us come here [to SAH forum] for.
That's a really great post. Thanks!
post #56 of 144
you said "me too, although it has taken me longer" to quinbearzmom's statement that "returning to work helped her realize what was important in life - being home with her kids...
post #57 of 144
I'm glad my post as become the poster child of "Hey, look at what's wrong with this post and how we can fix it." See, I knew I could contribute.
post #58 of 144
CMD, please read your post #180 on the "i'm not lucky to stay at home" thread.
post #59 of 144
and thank you, cmd, for so eloquently proving my point
post #60 of 144


Well, we'd all like our 15 minutes of fame, eh?
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