|"positive" stereotypes about ethic groups: Asians are good at math,
yeah if only it were true but my asian dd is getting C's in math my mother is a professor of mathematics
or asian children are well behaved calm and respectful by nature..... if only it were true
she's a fireball.
Or when people think someone is of group A and make comments to them like they are from another group entirely. I don't look like any of my backgrounds so it often comes up do I allow someone to stick foot in mouth first or? I don't usually as well its part of the zero tolerance its not special because it involves one of my groupings/identifications I will be horrified if you put any group down or stupidly up for that matter.
Even the positive stereo types are not positive for people if you think its your birthright as a black person to be a good dancer and you have been blessed with two left duck feet and no rythm. Or my friend in school he was dark black grandmother was chinese....he really wanted to grow a 'fro, dreads, fade anything.....poker straight hair... Differences happen and when we remove expectations from our children even positive ones I think they are better for it...unlike my BIL who thinks cause he's a wheenie white boy with a degree he's soooo much better than any ethnic person he works with that doesn't have his level of education and status...and MUST make sooo much more money than they do as they pay white boys more........35k a year as an engineer with 5 years experience was actually less money than the factory workers he was fixing equipment at the factory with..... that he thought he was sooo much better for his feeling that being a white boy has automatic priviledge has crippled him..... and made him not a welcome invite to my house
My fav is reminding people when they talk about sports starts and ethnic groups the history of what ethnic groups dominated the sports over history and why (some sports are easier to play based on climate (jamaican bobsledding
or money hockey is so expensive but marathon running requires shoes and some runners don't even bother with that..... were white men really better golfers? well up until 10 years ago you might have made that inference....
Parenting is a wonderful time to look at our own spins on things, I hear people say the dumbest things like 'girls develop langauge early'...... so my ds1 was really verbal quite young and people would say oh usually only girls have such early language skills. Or emmotional responses to things, 'girls' are allowed to be more emmotional, boys its a weakness, people comment on my youngest that he's emmotionally female as he's clingy (he's a koala I am his tree) what does that mean? Or the gender preferences.... I want a boy to do xyz with. Well I am a feminine hetero girl who had only 'boy' interests (fishing, karate, etc) My one son takes ballet the 4 year old girls are nasty 'ballet is not for boys leave' I worked with his teacher to make the class more inviting to children who wanted more 'action' and less frills and tutus and last class there were 7 boys and 9 girls enrolled! So you can think you will fight obvious battles but thats why I love kids who'd have thought I'd be advocating for my son to continue with his love of ballet..... I thought my boys would be able to do what they wanted to not like us as girls who were not allowed to try out for football even though we were so much bigger than those tiny grade nine boys.