Thought on CIO...

[kofduke]

For some reason, it struck me as Luke was sleeping soundly in his little sidecarred crib yesterday, and I was stroking his little sweet head, that this is the age at which lots and lots of babies are left to CIO. Aaron was in his own room at this age, but we always responded to him (and still do, he still wakes a few nights/week). It just made me sad to think of poor little honies just the age of my Lukie crying all by their little lonesomes.

[IncaMama]

i've been thinking a lot about this lately too...it breaks my heart that some people think it's necessary.

[darkpear]

I know! I will never understand how people can do that to their babies, it goes against all logic and instinct

[aisraeltax]

well, the big guru (Ferber) is in the business of making money, so he has recanted his previous postion allowing kids to CIO.
i just dont see how anyone can do that...i still cant get my 8 yo to go to sleep and i cant let him CIO!

[allnaturalmama]

I was just thinking about this, too. Will is such a happy little guy - he's never known the trauma of a hospital birth, he's never been separated from me, never had to do any CIOing - it's just such a wonderful blessing to be able to give him the best start possible. I wish all babies could be this happy and secure.

[amygoforth]

I honestly can't comprehend how MOTHERS can let their babies CIO. I know when Drew loses it in the car (the only time he really cries w/o immediate comfort), it's all I can do to stay on the road! I seriously want to jump out of my skin, and my heart starts beating so fast. I'm getting better though -- with Evan I actually would pull over to calm him. Really, my reaction seems so... instinctual. Biological, I guess. How can other moms ignore their instincts like that?

[mkoontz]

Ok, so I have to confess that I've thought about it. But I hope that I'd never do it. Aveena cries when she's tired and actually she sleeps better without me being there. If I try to soothe her then she's upset for longer. So when I've tried everything (feeding rocking feeding rocking walking singing, swapping with dh and him doing all that) and she's still crying and i know she's tired I leave her for 5 mins to see what happens. I have to confess that I've been feeling really guilty about this, but after about 45 mins of crying and I just can't make her stop there are times I'm ready to throw her out the window.

But I know that what I'm talking about isn't CIO, I guess I can just see how some people might get there.

[Thursday Girl]

before i found MDC when Jewely was a baby (but older then ours our now) i thought i would spoil her and blah blah blah. it broke my heart i had to walk out of the house so i didn't hear it. it felt to wrong so i only did it a few times and said screw it, i'm not doing that. shortly after that i found MDC and the continuum concept. hooray!!!

courtney

[kofduke]

Honestly, Megan, I don't think that's CIO at all. If that was CIO, then me taking Aaron up to bed would be CIO too, since Luke cries when left in-arms with daddy (or anyone who's not me, LOL).

[kofduke]

Honestly, Megan, I don't think that's CIO at all. If that was CIO, then me taking Aaron up to bed would be CIO too, since Luke cries when left in-arms with daddy (or anyone who's not me, LOL).

[IncaMama]

yeah, me going potty would be considered CIO too. LOL!!

[LittleLlama]

The other day a woman with a 4mo said she tries to let her daughter cry it out but it just doesn't work " because she never gets it out." Which left me wondering, just what is it that babies are supposed to be getting out?

[oliversmum2000]

for some reason 6 months is a magic number here in the uk, the healthy visitors tell you not to sleep train them prior to 6 months as they may still need to eat but as soon as they are 6 months that its fine - very weird

[Taedareth]

I'm in Megan's camp..... sometimes Wesley's gums hurt and after I've tried everything (walking with him, bouncing him, the baby swing, nursing, changing, etc.) and those things only distract him for a minute but don't make him happy - I just sit with him on my lap and let him scream. Usually there's a magic time limit, like 3-5 minutes, and then it's like he's burned off his nervous energy and suddenly wants to nurse himself to sleep. I feel so awful but sometimes that's the only thing that works.

[kindacrunchy]

Originally Posted by kofduke

For some reason, it struck me as Luke was sleeping soundly in his little sidecarred crib yesterday, and I was stroking his little sweet head, that this is the age at which lots and lots of babies are left to CIO. It just made me sad to think of poor little honies just the age of my Lukie crying all by their little lonesomes.

I was just thinking about this, too. watching D sleep and thinking about how he goes to sleep and how there is no way in you know what that i could leave him crying in bed alone. i just don't get it!

[persephone3]

thanks for bringing this up. i've been thinking about CIO, too. i feel pressured to have alice on a sleep schedule. like, okay, it's 9 p.m. she must be tired. so i better put her in bed, and if she won't go to sleep, then she'll just have to CIO. WHAT THE HELL??? why would i do that? i mean, so i "have" to rock her to sleep. wah wah. i'd rock her all day if i could. i try to remember that she will only be rockable for a short time. i better enjoy it while i can.

that said, i do worry about what will happen when i have to leave her with a sitter. dh and i can get her to sleep, but what if someone else can't? do i always have to be home? it's not a problem for me, cuz, well, i'd rather be home with her than anywhere else, but what if dh wants to go out, or i change my mind? ugh, i think i'm rambling. i should be in bed.

[Minoh]

I love to watch Simon sleep peacefully next to me (or in my arms). There is nothing sweeter in the world. I am so with you in wondering how mamas can go with using CIO and feel it is really the right thing to do. I know that many sleep trainers advise it, but it can't possibly feel right.

Though we have far from great nights at this point, I think that it is so important, in the first year especially, to never let baby cry alone if at all possible. I've been reading the Sears Attachment Parenting book and it's great to have one's instincts backed up with the info they present.

[IncaMama]

i've been thinking about this...and i feel for the mamas who make that choice. i really do. it must kill them inside to hear it, and they must be doing it because they think that kids *need* it. nobody goes into motherhood wanting to hurt their kids (well, no normal people and we're talking about normal, good moms) so it must be that somewhere along the line someone told them that they *must* do this and that to *not* do it would damage them down the line ("kids NEED 12 hours of straight sleep to be healthy", etc). and i really do feel bad for them for that. it must be hard to go against the mommy instinct and listen to their babies cry.

[Taedareth]

CIO seems to be based on the idea that children try to manipulate their parents (I've read this in various parenting articles/books that advocate CIO). I think the most encouraging thing I read in Dr. Sears' book is that infancy is the one time in a child's life when their WANTS are identical to their NEEDS - hence why it's healthy to respond as soon as the baby starts crying. They're not trying to be tyrranical - they're trying to communicate a legitmate need. This is something I've explained to a couple of friends/family members who thought we should rebuke DS for crying.

[guestmama9924]

I did CIO with my first child. I am definitely not the same mom today that I was then. ( almost 11 years ago)

I thought it was outrageous then, and could not figure out who it was helping, but our Ped lived next door and swore to me he would come over and rock my baby himself if it did not work by the 3rd night.
It did.


I cried and cried and blamed my DH for ever bringing up "sleep problems" with our Ped.

With that said, she CIO in OUR bed. I still slept with her until age 4. I still feel guilty for not being a stronger mother.

Please watch the hate speech against those of us who , unlike many of you, did not have the benefit of bookstores, internet and mom support.