feeling really guilty about older DD.

[luckylady]

My DD is having a hard time coping with the baby. She has always been VERY intense and needs my constant attention. We have had a wonderful relationship - very playful and respectful...

and now she is downright nasty to me. She whines and cries about everything. She has taken to sucking a pacifier (she's 4 and never had one in her life). She has started biting her nails. She never wants to do anything except watch TV and the life seems to have left her - my quick to laugh sparkly girl is gone.

i am feeling so guilty and crappy about having another baby. I KNEW she was the type of kid who should be an only child.

I know it's only 17 days in, but I am feeling like I have ruined her. I feel overwhelmed with trying to meet her needs and his needs - let alone my need to just.take.a.shower. Ugh. Please tell me it gets easier with more than one. And that my DD will be OK...

[dharmama]

oh cheryl

my dd is younger (just turning 2) and she is really struggling as well.

it's so hard.

one thing i've been doing, which is really hard for me because i love to snuggle my boy, is when people come over i hand off ds and invite dd to do something special with me. same thing when dh gets home from work....he's on baby duty and i go upstairs and take a bath or read with dd.

i can't say it's perfect.....she's stll having tantrums and being too rough with her brother....but i feel like it's getting a little better.

[girlsmamma2]

Busting in on the club to give my 2 cents in hopes that it will help you. I'm due with my third on the 30th but I remember soooo well my second. My first two are 22 months apart and were TOTALLY COMPLETELY different personalities. I think every child deals with a new addition to the family in their own way. After our first week with our newborn girl, I launched into the baby blues big time and she also became a total wreck. She slept a lot but anytime she wasn't sleeping she was nursing, she nursed every 45 minutes until she was 9 months old...big baby girl! And when she wasn't eating or sleeping she was crying. Not colic just I don't think she ever liked being a newborn!

I was devastated at what it was doing to dd #1. I actually said in tears in the kitchen "what did we do" "why did we do this to dd?" so many things I never ever thought would come out of my mouth. But they did. Total and complete stress. I'm not gonna lie and tell you it was easy but what I did was never give up on our second dd, and I found ways to involve them both as much as I possibly could. I think giving her time with you alone is a good idea, but I prefered doing things the three of us so she could see she could still have fun even tho baby is here. Put baby in a bouncy or on a blanket right next to you and color together, do crafts, play a game, play dolls. I found it worked better for the bond between them if we were together, not separate.

And also it may seem like you did an awful thing, but giving her a sibling is the most wonderful thing you could have done for her. I know it may take a long time to realize this, as it did for me, but now my girls are 3 1/2 and 20 months and are soooo close and now I feel exactly the opposite, I would have felt AWFUL had I left my first an only child. I AM an only child so I know whereof I speak. While it may be tough now, and i"m not gonna sugar coat it and say it won't be tough for a long while, you'll know when the table turns and it will be all worth it. You have actually given her the greatest gift she could have, a sibling that will be there for her long after you can't be.

So just try and take it one day at a time, slowly, concentrate on all the positive things. Do things together that are fun for all and baby can just watch, which is bonding also for them even if you think they are too young to see it. I think my girls are so close for many reasons but physically they were always in close proximity to each other. And I never let my first dd see the anger I felt during the hard times...we made a joke out of it. Like "oh that's just Emi being cranky again" but treat her with love, even if it stressed em out.

It will take time, patience and a lot of positive reinforcement....then the clouds WILL part and you will see what a gift you have given her. hugs mamma!