What did you to emotionally overcome having a C/S?

[Hope'smom]

I am curious because my birth experience was similar to many of yours: feeling of violation, etc.

I'll tell you the worst part (besides almost bleeding to death), was that in my stupor AFTER it was all over and my DD and DH were nowhere in sight, I overheard the NURSES in the OR talking about bikini waxes while they were "finishing up" with me.

I didn't even feel human.

[chichimama]

First, I am so sorry that you were made to feel this way. I understand.

Here is what I did to make things better:

I got very educated, read books on cesarean and VBAC. I joined ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network), my local chapter and the email list. I also sent a letter of complaint to the hospital and to the OB that did my surgery for the issues I had about them. These things made me stronger, and angrier, in a healthy way. A lot of the time it made everything a lot better. Then, I had a wonderful homebirth this summer, and I thought that might make everything better. It actually made them worse, and I am still sad and angry, but in a new and different way, because now I really understand what was taken from me and my first baby.
But along the way, what really helped the most (and still helps) was ICAN and the women I met there who could relate to what I was feeling. I would really recommend getting on the email list, it is high traffic, but so so so so worth it.

I hope you can feel better. I understand what you are going through.

Feel free to email me at [e-mail] if you want.

Take care,

Joanna

[Hope'smom]

Wow--thank you!
I never knew there was so much information.
This board has been terrific as far as everyone seems to have a wealth of information and are willing to share.
Thank you for your email address offer, I will likely take you up on it, if you are OK with that.
Shelley

[julie128]

nothing

I didn't do anything to recover emotionally because I didn't need to. Before my daughter was born, I would have thought that I would be disappointed in a Csec, but I wasn't. I was just happy that she and I were alive and healthy. The disappointing parts were that I didn't see her for a couple hours because I had a general, and that my husband couldn't be in the OR, again because of the general. If I had another C, I would still have another general rather than epidural hell.

[Chelly2003]

I feel kinda sad about my c-section, and I still think I could have or should have done more to prevent it or HELP (my son was fooling breech and wouldn't MOVE)

I am starting to feel better...... almost four years later, and with another on the way I'm extreamly hopeful that this birth will be the one I'd hoped for the last time.
We're planning on a home birth.

[RainCityMama]

I second chichimama's suggestion for ICAN!

I'm sorry that you had such a dehumanizing experience when you had your c-section, I can relate as with mine DURING the surgery the Dr. and several nurses were discussing their Thanksgiving plans - not for once recognizing that *this* was the birth of our child!!!??? How can anybody be that thoughtless?

I think you have every right to feel dissapointed and to feel a sense of loss from your c-section - birth is a major event in ones life and a very important experience/process, it deeply affects us and changes our lives forever. Just know that you are not alone and there are women out there that share your feelings and I think an important part of the healing process is finding people to share your feelings/thoughts with.

Like Chichimama I too had a wonderful HBAC after my c-section birth and this brought about all of my feelings of loss from my first birth once more, proving to me that birth is such a life altering expereince and one that should never be taken lightly - Be good to yourself and feel free to PM me or email me as well [e-mail] if you wish to talk about your experience with another mama who has been through it

Peace.

P.S. Chichimama is in my ICAN chapter so I know she's a great listener too

[t-elaine]

I thought I was totally ok with my c/s until I learned about HB!
I spent a few months being angry at myself for not getting educated prior to the birth...Then calmed down and was ok about it again, until i became preg. with #2 and got my birth record for the midwives...come to find out it had been an unnecessary c/s (I had been told she probably wouldn't have survived otherwise). My records said basically all is well "but will proceed with c/s ANYWAY"!!! I was so angry. Planning my HBAC and then experiencing it are what really helped me the most. During the preg I also read The Silent Knife which really helped me deal with some of the emotions I had and helped me to realize they were ok to feel. (I was always being told, "You should be happy, you have a healthy baby!" but I felt robbed of the experience of birth as well as time with my baby as we were separated for the first two days and we had nursing problems since they gave her bottles) To be completely honest, I haven't completely "recovered" but I believe that with each birth I experience from here on out, I will heal a little more.

[zombiemommie]

One of the things that helped me the most was to LET myself feel all those feelings, and then to realize that there was NOTHING I could do to change what had happened, as it was the past. I could grieve, I could ruminate, but I couldn't bring myself back to before the c/s, all I could do was move forward and hope/try/work on myself and a better birth experience next time. Hindsight is really 20/20, it is so easy to judge the situation after the fact. I had to climb out of the hole that I had made, **once I was ready**, and get on with it (I'm not telling you to do that, or that you need to move on, just that *I* needed to because it wasn't helping me to ruminate). I got involved with ICAN, did TONS of reading, analyzed the situation, learned from the mistakes, and became a birth advocate for myself. Actually I think the anger was a great motivator. I was sad, and then I was pissed. I got more pissed the more I learned, and that made me want to work hard for my next birth. (I'm also not saying that you should be done with it, or that its been xyz amount of time or whatever. Quite the contrary. I think that we aren't ALLOWED or don't allow ourselves to grieve for what we have lost, that it kind of bites us in the butt - that is where ICAN is so great. Sharing and being around others is so healing. It helps you to realize it is okay to feel like that, and also that it is okay, when you are ready, to move on, and that you it is possible to feel better about it. You may always be bitter, but you might also find some beauty in the BIRTH of your child. It is still his/her birthday after all, a beautiful event in and of itself. Don't all the angels sing each time a baby is born ? It is sometimes so hard to remember that...((hugs))))

And that is exactly what I did. I fought like hell for my VBAC, and came very close to needing a section again(due to a 56 hour labor, a meconium laden amniotic sac, and a wedged cord and massive decels with every other contraction, delightful combination). Which, by the way, I think I would have been okay with because of the above. And because if I did get sectioned, it would have been something that was necessary, not me being sucked into the medical model without my full knowledge and understanding like last time. Like a sheep. KWIM ? This time I was no sheep. Far from it.

I hope you find peace. I hope you find closure. Midway through this pregnancy, at about the 7th month, I realized I hadn't thought about VBAC for over a month. I was so focused on natural childbirth (unmedicated) and my healthy eating etc etc that I totally forgot about VBAC. What a weight lifted. After that it was like a turning point. I was able to enjoy my pregnancy the rest of the way without the VBAC monster hanging over my head like it was in the beginning. Not saying that you have to have a VBAC either to find closure. Many ladies repeat c/s and savor every minute of their birth experience. All births are beautiful. Sometimes it just takes us a long time to see that. Whatever your choice, that is *if* you plan on another I hope you come to a happy place.

((hugs))

[annielx]

Hi Hope'smom

I too have had a horrible c-section experience. After 14 months, I now have let go of the anger and let go of the guilt (we always think that we could have done something different). I still feel the sadness, but I also feel strong. I have learnt so much through this experience. I almost died during my c-section, I even thought that I had died, and coming out of it has made me realize how fragile life is, so we have to try to live as many fullfilling experiences as we can without letting the horrible ones destroy who we are. I am not saying that having a c-section is not a big deal, only that it has already robbed me of too much. Having a daughter brings more joy in my life than I thought was even possible so a c-section has certainly not robbed me of everything! My heart feels more full than it has ever been.

My advice would be... give yourself some time...make your relationship with your baby be a source of comfort and of fuel for your heart to help ease the pain and sadness.

[chie96]

Hi Hope'smom! I am 20 mos pp and at first I felt much like julie128. I didn't think I had anything to recover from because - although I had planned an intervention-free birth with a CNM - I still ended up with a happy and healthy baby, which is all that really mattered to me at the time.

Later, as I began to research VBAC for any future pg (and thus began to re-hash my c/s experience) I realized that my c/s most likely could have been avoided. Long story short my DD was posterior and had my CNM given me information about positions to avoid (such as slouching on the sofa all day watching TV...DD was born 4 days after 911) or positions that might help her turn (such as getting on hands and knees) I fully believe I could have had the birth I wanted. Of course there is much more to it, but I still think the lack of knowledge - even though I educated myself as best I knew how - contributed to my unplanned c/s.

What bothers me most - what I need to come to terms with but still cannot - is the fact that I did not see DD until hours after her birth. DH and I had talked about c/s as a possibility while making our birth plan (thank goodness) and he stayed with DD the entire time, holding her when "allowed", never taking his hand off of her and talking to her until she and I were reunited. He often talks of the thrusting motions she made with her tongue almost from the moment of birth and how scared he was that there was something terribly wrong with her. It was b/c she wanted to nurse and the thught of her going hungry like that breaks my heart to this day. I feel like she was forced into a bright, noisy world through no fault of her own and the one person she really knew (me) was not there to protect her and comfort her.

I probably haven't been much help - sorry. I just think that time and education will heal the c/s wound and wish you the very best in your journey.

[mamasarah]

still recovering!

10 months later, i am still dealing with it. still feeling defeated, sad, like i handed over my womanhood.

i had a period where i didn't think of it much, and i thought i was ok with it, then it hit me again recently.

i am trying to figure out ways to deal, and since i am an artist (although on a major time restraint now that i am a mama!), i decided i will try to deal with it through art. i would suggest doing drawings, reading books, writing... i wrote a letter to my midwife, and i journal... these things help me.

good luck to you on your journey. it is more common to feel how you feel than you may think. i am sending you a great big hug right now!

[freedom]

Now that i am expecting # 2 and preparing for a VBAC all the emotions are coming up again. So much so that i cried reading this thread - I feel so much for each of us. I also feel our strength.

Things i did to heal:

I advocated so loud that i got policy changed at our hospital so that recovering moms were always allowed to keep baby with them. Like many of you those hours of separation haunt me.

I wrote a story. I was having trouble imagining explaining his birth to Ds - b/c i had so many negative associations. The book is called " You made mommy a new smile" all about my cesaran scar and how it always reminds how much i love him.

Birthing from Within has great art excercises for healing for birth.

Spent soooo much time with Ds. I really worked at keeping our bond strong - so he stayed on my body and in eye contact for a long time.

Using MDC


I wish you all the best and i am definately looking into ICAN.

[stirringleaf]

i didnt read all the posts, but here is something that came to mind that really helped me get through the long weeks of depresion after my c-section....i had this dream when i was PG about holding my baby up in the air and we were both just laughing and laughing with joy. it was such a powerful image, and got me through some tough times, because i knew i would someday share that exact moment with him. and i did! many times over! i would also picture my scar as a flower, blooming and healing. it took a really long time , and i still feel really sad about what happened, but i am doing better now, 15 mos later.

the best thing really is to go easy on yourself. dont feel guilty for your negative feelings. dont push yourself too hard to snap out of it. grieve, vent, write, visualize, allow yourself to heal. this all sounds sorta cheesy but really, the worst times for me were when i expected myself to get better faster than i was. the times when i would nurture myself, really baby myself, were the best and most healing. dont turn down a single offer for help, or a single shoulder to cry on! and keep posting on these boards...man did that ever help me alot, and still does!