there was a thread like this in the Tribes section awhile back.I know there are a few of us on here, that for one reason or another REALLY truely dont produce breastmilk.
My Intro:
my name is Tiffany. when i was 15 i was sexually assaulted, i was left with SEVERE PID chlamydia and scarred fallopian tubes and uterus.
i was told my three seperate Ob's that i would never be a mother. that IF, and that was the catch, IF i ever got pregnant, that it would end in miscarriage.
I DID get pregnant, and i did miscarry, i figured, "hey, these male Dr's in the allopathic medical world sure do know what they are talking about."
so when i was 17 and the opportunity for a breast reduction came along i took it.
my surgeon warned me that if i were to have children i would have a small chance at beaing able to produce any milk, and that the milk i DID produce would never be enough to sustain a human infant's life.
well, trusting the three OB's that told me i wouldnt ever ever ever be a mother, and being 17 and not even giving adoption and BF an adopted baby a second thought, i had the surgery.
i went from a 38-ii to a 38-b/c. i now sit comofrtably at a 42-c, but who cares, cause these babies never see a bra!!!
so 11/23/99 i have my reduction.
i find out 11/15/03 i was pregnant, but this time i knew i wouldnt miscarry. i KNEW in my heart my daughter was coming to me.
i started grieving the loss of our breastfeeding relationship then.
i was determined to breastfeed, thinking that if i could just convince my own body that it was something it NEEDED to do, it would. that i wouldnt need to ever use formula.
here is where i hang my head and admit that i didnt do much research to my options of alternatives to bottles, because in my mind, i wouldnt need them.
7/15/04 Addy graces us with her FABULOUS presence. we just eat her up. she is prefection in every way. and i am instantly head over heels in love with her.
the first moment i could, i put her to breast... She suckles!!!!! hooray, success! and she has a PERFECT latch!
she nurses on both sides about once an hour for the first three days, and in between nursing i pump, because the hospital LC told me that was the ONLY way she could get any of my breastmilk, was if i ripped my freaking nipples off with a machine and caused blood blisters to form! (nope, not bitter, not even a tiny bit)
Addys 3rd day of life. her weight is 11% below birthweight.
i am bullied by the Drs into giving her formula in a bottle.
at that point both of the hospital LC's that came in told me there was no other option. that i could nurse her for comfort, but that i HAD to feed her via a bottle.
*bangs head on wall for not researching SNS*!!!!
the entire time i gave Addy her first bottle of formula i cried. it was the hardest thing i had done in my entire life.
harder than breast reduction surgery and recovery, harder than being induced, and the subsequent c-sec and its recovery, harder than loosing a loved one.
because it signaled the death of what could have been a very positive breastfeeding relationship.
at two months old Addy stopped nursing for comfort.
at 9 months old i discovered by accident online the SNS and Lact-Aid systems.
i cried almost all day, knowing that they existed, and that they could have saved me from feeding her with a bottle.
at almost a year after she was born i found MDC.
thank Goddess!!!!
so now my plans for all future children is to feed them via an SNS or Lact-aid system at the breast with as much donated mamas milk as possible, and as much organic goats milk formula that they need.
as for bottle feeding Addy. we bottle nursed, she was always held or snuggled close while drinking her bottles, we held them, and made eye contact, and bonded in almost the same way as someone who is able to nurse with their breasts. only, there werent any wonderful endorphins making me relax, just the sad depressing thought that i had failed as a woman, failed as a mother, and failed as a nourisher.
can you tell i still greive the loss of my nursing relationship?
i think i probably always will.
even after i have all the children we plan on having, even after i make strong positive loving nursing relationships with them.
i will always mourn.
as for Addy. she nurses her baby dolls.
cause thats how babies are suppoed to be fed.
or so we say around these parts.
so if you made it this far in my post, and are a mother unable to produce breastmilk, and want to talk about it. please join me.
if you use an SNS, a Lact-aid system, a home made system, if you bottle nurse, if you feel like you have to hide the fact that you ff your child on these boards (i thought i did for a while, trust me you dont, MOST of the women here are really understanding and compasionate), you are more than welcome to join me here.
My Intro:
my name is Tiffany. when i was 15 i was sexually assaulted, i was left with SEVERE PID chlamydia and scarred fallopian tubes and uterus.
i was told my three seperate Ob's that i would never be a mother. that IF, and that was the catch, IF i ever got pregnant, that it would end in miscarriage.
I DID get pregnant, and i did miscarry, i figured, "hey, these male Dr's in the allopathic medical world sure do know what they are talking about."
so when i was 17 and the opportunity for a breast reduction came along i took it.
my surgeon warned me that if i were to have children i would have a small chance at beaing able to produce any milk, and that the milk i DID produce would never be enough to sustain a human infant's life.
well, trusting the three OB's that told me i wouldnt ever ever ever be a mother, and being 17 and not even giving adoption and BF an adopted baby a second thought, i had the surgery.
i went from a 38-ii to a 38-b/c. i now sit comofrtably at a 42-c, but who cares, cause these babies never see a bra!!!
so 11/23/99 i have my reduction.
i find out 11/15/03 i was pregnant, but this time i knew i wouldnt miscarry. i KNEW in my heart my daughter was coming to me.
i started grieving the loss of our breastfeeding relationship then.
i was determined to breastfeed, thinking that if i could just convince my own body that it was something it NEEDED to do, it would. that i wouldnt need to ever use formula.
here is where i hang my head and admit that i didnt do much research to my options of alternatives to bottles, because in my mind, i wouldnt need them.
7/15/04 Addy graces us with her FABULOUS presence. we just eat her up. she is prefection in every way. and i am instantly head over heels in love with her.
the first moment i could, i put her to breast... She suckles!!!!! hooray, success! and she has a PERFECT latch!
she nurses on both sides about once an hour for the first three days, and in between nursing i pump, because the hospital LC told me that was the ONLY way she could get any of my breastmilk, was if i ripped my freaking nipples off with a machine and caused blood blisters to form! (nope, not bitter, not even a tiny bit)
Addys 3rd day of life. her weight is 11% below birthweight.
i am bullied by the Drs into giving her formula in a bottle.
at that point both of the hospital LC's that came in told me there was no other option. that i could nurse her for comfort, but that i HAD to feed her via a bottle.
*bangs head on wall for not researching SNS*!!!!
the entire time i gave Addy her first bottle of formula i cried. it was the hardest thing i had done in my entire life.
harder than breast reduction surgery and recovery, harder than being induced, and the subsequent c-sec and its recovery, harder than loosing a loved one.
because it signaled the death of what could have been a very positive breastfeeding relationship.
at two months old Addy stopped nursing for comfort.
at 9 months old i discovered by accident online the SNS and Lact-Aid systems.
i cried almost all day, knowing that they existed, and that they could have saved me from feeding her with a bottle.
at almost a year after she was born i found MDC.
thank Goddess!!!!
so now my plans for all future children is to feed them via an SNS or Lact-aid system at the breast with as much donated mamas milk as possible, and as much organic goats milk formula that they need.
as for bottle feeding Addy. we bottle nursed, she was always held or snuggled close while drinking her bottles, we held them, and made eye contact, and bonded in almost the same way as someone who is able to nurse with their breasts. only, there werent any wonderful endorphins making me relax, just the sad depressing thought that i had failed as a woman, failed as a mother, and failed as a nourisher.
can you tell i still greive the loss of my nursing relationship?
i think i probably always will.
even after i have all the children we plan on having, even after i make strong positive loving nursing relationships with them.
i will always mourn.
as for Addy. she nurses her baby dolls.
cause thats how babies are suppoed to be fed.
or so we say around these parts.
so if you made it this far in my post, and are a mother unable to produce breastmilk, and want to talk about it. please join me.
if you use an SNS, a Lact-aid system, a home made system, if you bottle nurse, if you feel like you have to hide the fact that you ff your child on these boards (i thought i did for a while, trust me you dont, MOST of the women here are really understanding and compasionate), you are more than welcome to join me here.
. I haven't gone through the problems you have, but reading your thread brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and your entry proves just how much you love and care for your daughter. Gosh I hope you print this off and show it to her one day. Good for you, for nursing her for 2 months anyway, that's great! You did the best you could. Gosh, lemme just give you another 
to you too....Don't ya just hate Doc's sometimes!!!
. That was MISTAKE #1. They brought in a pump and I used it to draw out my colostrum and feed it to dd through the nipple shield with a syringe. After leaving the hospital, we saw more LCs that moved us to an SNS. I was pumping ever 2-3 hours to maintain my supply and using EBM. By 6 weeks, dd had just about learned to bf and was mostly weaned off the nipple shield.
. I was devastated. The relationship we had worked so hard to establish was in jeopardy and I could not quit school/work to be with her 24 hours a day.
: I'm essentially an exclusive pumper since dd does not nurse enough to empty my breasts. She's there for comfort (which I'm happy to provide), but doesn't suckle milk out.
I had a doctor who pushed formula at every opportunity and nurses who all showed me different techniques and assured me that since he had such a great sucking reflex and my milk was clearly coming in, I wouldn't have any problems. I ended up supplementing and going about half and half for nine months, but he preferred the bottle, and my supply eventually dried up completely.
because if it hadn't been for HORRIBLE advice and RUDE pp nurses at the hospital he was born at, he would still be nursing. The plan was to nurse until he was at least 2. (Well, 2, the "at least' kind of got added on as I met people who went past 2.)
