*Super* curly hair

[TeaBag]

My dd1's hair is so super curly. I mean, tighter than ringlets, tighter than corkscrew curls, CURLY. I use detangler and leave in conditioner to try to maintain the tangles, but it's getting out of hand. She is not interested in getting it cut, when it's wet, it's halfway down her back, but when dry, it barely reaches her shoulders, but I cannot comb it without her crying from the tangles. I don't know what to do. Now that the weather is warm, she's outside a LOT and the wind tosses it all around, making the tangles 10X worse and she's begging me not to brush it because it hurts. Obviously, that's only going to compound the problem, but I can't seem to find anything that will help.

Anyone? Any suggestions? We've talked about cutting it repeatedly, and while we talk, she seems receptive and almost excited about it, but when it comes time to actually CUT IT, she backs out.

[KatyMom]

You should check out the book Curly Girl. I have curly hair and the suggestions in the book really helped me.

Remember that you can not brush curly hair when it's dry. Curly hair is fragile and breaks easily. When you dry brush it you break up the curls that are naturally sticking together and it makes it more prone to tangleing. I know it's not a natural product but the Pantene Pro-V Line of products for curly hair have proven, to me, to be the best for dealing with tangles, dryness, frizziness, and general curly hair crraziness. When she's outside, maybe you should try braiding it or somehow pulling it back, so that it can not get so windblown. Personally, I use a handkercheif when I'm outside on windy days. Otherwise, it would take me a half-hour to get all the tangles out.

I hope that helps.

[OakBerry]

Can put some anti-frizz styling aid in it, and braid it when it's wet? That's what my sis did with her dd. Usually the braid would last till the next shampoo. Her dd had the same type of hair! It was actually worse when short because it got very bushy.

[TeaBag]

Thanks for the ideas! I don't every try to brush it when it's dry, it's even MORE painful for her. I actually got a knitting pattern for a little kerchief that is going to be my next project, I think I'll make one for her as well, Maybe if Mommy is wearing it, she will as well. I will try to braid it as well. Not sure if the top layers are long enough yet; I do braid dd2's hair all the time, it's VERY long and obviously tends to get tangled in the wind as well, but it's so much easier to braid as it's mid-back length and just wavy, kwim?

Great suggestions! Please keep them coming!

[ChristaN]

My hair is curly, too. I never brush or comb it when it is dry. I put a bunch of conditioner in it in the shower and then take my fingers or a really wide toothed comb to comb through it gently with the conditioner still in. I then rinse it out, scrunch it with the towel to dry it a bit, put in some leave in conditioner and gel and let it dry the rest of its way on its own.

[familylove]

I do the same thing as ChristaN. My hair is crazy curly and the only that helps me is to put anti-frizz gel in after my shower and let it dry on its own. I also keep it up or otherwise "contained" to cut down on tangles...the handkerchief you're going to make sounds cute!!

Good Luck!

[maya44]

I second the 'Curly Girl" book suggestion. No shampoo is a big thing with that book and it really worked for my dd.

[supervee]

I just had a conversation with a friend of mine who has very curly hair. My daughter is biracial (AfAm/White) and I don't have experience with curls nor this much hair! (I had none until I was 3.5 and DS didn't have very much either.)

My friend said (a) don't brush or comb it and (b) use a good leave-in conditioner like Nexxus Humectress after washing with shampoo. I would like to find some natural product that works (have tried everything that hasn't) but at least Nexxus does not test on animals, so that is some comfort. Detangler does nothing for her hair.

I pick out my son's hair about once a week with a wide-tooth comb, but his individual hairs are thick enough now that it doesn't get tangled anyway. We wash it about twice a week. He doesn't want to cut his hair again so it is getting taller and taller...

Love those gorgeous curls!

[Yooper]

How do you feel about dreads?

Just kidding.

Dd has super, tight, curly hair. We found that shampoo really angers it. I use baking soda about once every two weeks and rinse with water in between washes. Even using the BS more frequently really does bad things to her hair. Each morning I wet her hair down, use a comb, and start at the ends. It takes forever but I do not know what else to do. I have thin, fine, limp, straight hair so I have no experience. I just take my time and be really careful to hold the hair so it does not pull and hurt. I remember my mom ripping brushes through my hair and being miserable. We also use bandanas a lot. There are lots of mornings when dd will not allow me to comb so we go witht he coverings insetad.

[mamasi]

Wow, thanks for this thread. We are starting to have these issues with my dd's hair, 2.75. She also balks at a hair cut, has hair that when wet is below her shoulders but when dry is still around her head. She will let us put it in pony tails or use barrettes some of the time.

We never try to comb it but we do use what sounds like too much shampoo.

I am definitely going to get this book.

Her grandmother has curly hair but nothing like this--we have been wondering a bit where it came from! But it's really beautiful, too, and I want her to grow up appreciating it, not hating it b/c it hurts to wash and style it.

[4evermom]

I've heard that rinsing the hair with diluted vinegar can be helpful for curly hair. My hair only has a bit of a wave and the vinegar rinse makes it very soft, straighter, and not at all tangly. I only use about a couple of Tablespoons of vinegar diluted with water in a 16 oz cup. If that doesn't work, you can try doubling the vinegar. Too much might make hair look not-so-clean ( that lank look dirty hair gets) but you could prevent that by not pouring it close to the roots.

[MOM2ANSLEY]

Dd has curly hair....not as much as your dd from your description.
Here is what works for us.....
#Wash only once or twice a week with childs shampoo with conditioner(lall in one by suave) pantene with conditioner(all in one)
#Condition afterward and comb knots with a wide tooth comb...and sometimes during the week we condition without washing... to work out tangles and after swimming I like Infusium 23 or neutrogena
#NEVER blowdry
#use spray in detangler and wide tooth comb to style- never style dry
#wear hats or pull up when going out in the wind...or to play for a while

[Mamato2and2]

I agree with the previous posters about overwashing...my daughter has really curly hair and I only wash it about every two weeks! We use shampoo designed for "african" hair (don't know what else to call it--maybe black beauty products) because it does not dry out her hair as much. Make sure you choose a product with zero alcohol in it and try a rehydrating spray after it gets wet (every time!).

We find braiding to be most effective b/c you only have to spend one day every two weeks on it. Also, you might try taking her into some black hairstylists b/c they know how to deal with curly hair and can recommend what kinds of products to use and what not to.

Good luck and I know the struggle and stress it can cause!

[spiderdust]

I third the recommendation for the Curly Girl book. I gave up shampoo a year ago & it has made such a difference in my hair.

Curly Girl also has a chapter on curly haired children.

[gabysmom617]

Originally Posted by mika3

Also, you might try taking her into some black hairstylists b/c they know how to deal with curly hair and can recommend what kinds of products to use and what not to.

nak

be careful who you go to though. a lot of mainstream AA stylists tend to be hung up on pummelling the hair straight, amd may try to suggest a kiddie relaxer. i'm not sure how "naturally" your family aims to live life, or if you'd rather stay away from such chemicals or not, but relaxers have hidden dangers, both physically and emotionally--emotional especially for children..

try to find some one with a natural approach to AA/supercurly hair.. some one who is about embracing the texture rathre than fighting it. this msy be difficult or easy, depending on where u live,

will explain more once i put my sleeping boob tick down.....i need both hands to elaborate!

[gabysmom617]

Ok, put my sleeping boob tick down....

Being AA myself, with a texture that is not completely "nappy", but more supercurly, and being where I live (well, used to live....I just moved) I had an extremely difficult time trying to find stylists in the area that were not hung up on straightening hair.

I did not WANT to wear it straight. But that's all anyone in that area does, no one wants to bother with trying to deal with it in it's curly natural state. A lot of them don't know how to deal with it in the curly natural state.

The first thing they always say is "You need to get a perm(or, relaxer)". Or, "Well, dont you want us to press it/flat iron it/curl it with the curling iron for you after we cut it?"

And even when I manage to get around those questions/comments from the stylist who is looking at me like I'm crazy when I mention that I don't want them to straighten it, and after they are finished with the cut, It's always "Well, it will look GREAT once you blow dry it out." As if to say, 'well, when we cut it, we were not catering to your wearing a curly style, but rather were cutting it with a straight hair style in mind.'

Now I am beginning to see more and more AA women who wear their hair natural, and more and more salons that cater to natural hair styles. Around here, they are few and far between though. You can't just look up the yellow pages and expect the first AA beauty shop you find to be all about natural. Usually, especially if your daughter has extremely super curly hair, they will try to tell you ways/products to use to straighten it out, and may try to suggest a "light" or "kiddy" relaxer to straighten it out.

I am for the idea that a woman/girl (or anybody, for that matter) should feel beautiful and confident in the hair she was born with. And should learn about styles that compliment that natural beauty, rather than try to fry/burn/chemicalize that naturalness into a different form. that;s just my opinion though.

I agree with everyone here. try washing it in a conditioner, and not using shampoo at all. I only use shampoo if I have obviously noticeable build up in my hair, or a case of dandruff. I rarely use it, I usually just use conditioner. You will be amazed at the difference.

Get a very wide tooth comb, and divide her hair into 4 sections, and gently comb each section out, starting at the ends, and working towards the roots, while wet.


Then start at the nape of the neck, and divide into sections, and braid her hair. This will keep it cool and combed out. When you are braiding/ combing out, keep a spray bottle of water next to you, and if it gets dry and tight, spray some water on it to loosen it up.

Keeping her ends trimmed will go a long way.

If you are looking for a good AA stylist, look for a natural one. If you see an African American lady with a beautiful natural style, do not be afraid to ask her where she got her hair done. That's the best way to find a good natural stylist. IF you search the yellow pages, usually the natural AA stylists will have an ad beside their number indicating that they promote naturality. If not, you can always just call and ask them if they do natural hair styles.

Hope this helps.

Just wanted to add, there is a good forum you can visit at naturallycurly.com
It has a system of categories, and you can try to figure out exactly what curly category closely matches your daughter's texter. The girls (and guys!) in that forum there are EXTREMELY helpful.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

My hair is super curly and super frizzy and refuses to grow I found that only washing in every few weeks was best for mine as more than that made it break so bad and fall out. I found a shampoo and conditioner that I use and it actually is helping with all the problems I mentioned above. Dont laugh but it is actually a shampoo & conditioner used on horses. : It is called Main & Tail and I swear by the stuff it also has human directions on the back . It tends to be more gentle because horses have really sensitive skin. I also use the Aussie spray for dry damaged hair before I comb it out. Really helps with the tangles.

[nikirj]

I had a friend with hair like you're describing.

She combed it while she was still in the shower, put it in a neat ponytail right then, and then just let it do it's thing after that. I've seen the maneuver many times - we were on both swim team and track/field together and, well, nobody was shy in the shower. She had it braided professionally once but I never saw, we'd headed off to college and all that by then and were just emailing. She said making it shorter made things WAY worse.

So, I dunno, if she doesn't feel like experimenting, just try to find a few hairstyles that you can hit right at bathtime and let her hair have at it.

[greenebeene]

I have very curly hair- looser than most African American hair, but tight enough that it was a total hassle figuring out how to take care of it as a teenager. My mother has STRAIGHT and THIN hair, so I was on my own.

I'm white/Jewish and my husband is bi-racial white/black. We're expecting our first babe in December- needless to say, I've been thinking about how to take care of the curls I'm sure our kids will have ever since we met.

I agree with a lot of the above posters that African-American stylists aren't necessarily a good way to go, unless you find just the right "natural" person. African American stylists tend to use LOTS of chemicals, and want things as bone-straight as possible (again, unless you find someone committed to natural hair care).

From personal experience, here are my recommendations, which mostly back up what people above have already said:

* I really like L'Oreal VIVE shampoo and conditioner for Women of Color (in the red bottles), as well as the VIVE anti-frizz serum. Unfortunately, these have a lot of perfume for a little one, but they are really moisturizing. You can use a little dab of Spectrum Coconut Oil (comes solid in a jar) instead of the anti-frizz serum- it's unscented. Apply the serum/oil when the hair is just barely towel-dried.

* Wash the hair when it starts getting frizzy and hard-to-manage, between once a week and once every two weeks. The main point of washing curly hair is to get crud off the scalp and add oil, NOT to get rid of oil like with straight hair

* In general, don't worry about brushing or combing at all. Use your fingers to comb the conditioner through your daughter's hair in the shower/bath if it's really tangly, and just work the serum/oil through the hair with your fingers while it's damp. If it is REALLY tangled, use a VERY wide-toothed comb or pick while the hair is wet- make sure the comb is well-made so there's no jagged plastic to snag or break the hair.

* Part and section the hair into chunks and firmly braid while it's still damp (fasten with covered eleastics or those bobble elastics, and twist the ends into ringlets with some more hair "grease"). You daughter might fuss while it's getting done, but once it is done, it feels so much better to have braids than big, wooly, tangled clumps- especially now that it's getting hot (prickly heat on the back of a little neck is no fun, I know all about it). Plus, it's so cute!

First and foremost, teach your kids that their hair is beautiful, and that taking care of it isn't a burden (because it really isn't, you just have to know how)!

[TeaBag]

Thank you so much! Everyone gave such wonderful ideas and thoughts, and I really appreciate it. We tried braids today, she was NOT pleased afterwards, so we took them out. But we'll try again tomorrow. I do think maybe I've been overwashing it, she gets a bath every other day and gets it washed every time, I just never thought of that, as my hair gets all yucky if I go more than two days without washing it, kwim? I never thought of *just* conditioning it. I will try that when she gets her bath tomorrow.

And the thing is, like many of you mentioned, I want her to love herself, all of herself. I dont' want to get into the "Well, if I just had _____________, I'd be more beautiful, I'd be happier, I'd be whatever" kwim? I want her to appreciate the gifts she was given, but already she's making comments. She knows that she got her curly hair from her father, people always ask, she's golden blonde and super curly and I'm dark brown and straight so people love to say "Oh, where did she get those curls" and we always say "From her father...." Several times, she's said to me "Mommy, the next time Daddy calls, will you tell him that I dont' want his hair anymore" But the other side of that coin is that she is the picture of the American ideal of beauty. Golden hair, blue eyes, porcelain skin, And she hears THAT all day, from perfect strangers as well. So I'm trying to balance "You are more than how you look" and "You are beautiful just as you are" Good God. The things we worry about! I swear, I don't think my parents ever thought about the messages they were sending other than "You better behave or I'm gonna beat your butt~"