School Fears

[manzanitamomma]

Do any of you have kids that were terrified of going to school as toddlers, but now are happy school-goers?

My just-turned 3 year old dissolved into tears tonight and told us that she never wants to go to school. She has voiced this in the past (over the last 8 months) as well. I used to think that she will reach a stage where she will be ready for it, but now I think she may have convinced herself that it will be terrible and will absolutely hate it.

I have never brought her to a school or daycare, but she recently tried a karate class and didn't like how the teacher treated her. We mention school occasionally as "the fun place you'll go to some day". Education is important to me, but I don't feel like I've been pushing it on her.

She dislikes being away from me for any period of time unless she has chosen to leave me. I rarely leave her though. Maybe this is the trouble? But she says she doesn't want to be around other kids....she has never been a fan of playgroups, but does have a younger sister and one 3 year old friend.

Anywho, I know all kids are different, but I was wondering if anyone can relate and may have some reassuring stories for me.

[supervee]

Yes. When my son was 2, I thought he would never leave my lap. Ever, not for toys or friends. When he was 2.5 he was ready to try a little playschool a couple days a week. Just like that, just like magic. Now he goes to school with no worries and is super-excited about kindergarten. I would never have predicted his comfort with this 4 years ago.

[sevenkids]

My youngest brother. I remember him being plastered to the floor, screaming his head off, or hanging on to the door knob or bed post while someone tried to pull him out. He hated it, so after a few days of him having a hissy fit every morning, my mom said, "Forget it" and homeschooled him until he asked to go to school, around 7 or 8. Once he got there, however, he loved it, and stayed on the High Honour's roll, made The Who's Who list of top performers in high schools, scored in the top 3 percent in his SAT's (without a calculator!), and is now a second year music major at a four year uni with a 4.0 GPA, taking 16 credits per semester. The boy is brilliant! He just wasn't ready for it when he was 4 or 5 or 6. He was never the type to play with other kids either, and when all the kids in the neighborhood were out playing marbles or hide and seek, he was sitting by himself building things with his Legos or playing with his cars.
Now my son, who is the same age as my brother, happily toddled off to school at 4, always loved going to school, but was never more than an average student. He has absolutely no desire to go to college, and is instead studying herbal medicines with a local herbologist.

[mata]

Absolutely. I feared my oldest daughter's first day of kindergarten. She would NOT separate from me prior to that, and I never forced it. The mornings were tough when she went to kindergarten for about six months. but she did really well otherwise, and after those six months she looked forward to it. And she was the same as your dd about other children, still is, to a degree. She doesn't like how rude and rough a lot of them are (and they are!) But she's comfortable with herself either teaching them to play her way or not playing with them at all. My two year old recently started a toddler class that meets two hours a week-she had no problem separating from me-not one tear or backward glance.

[AuntNi]

Gosh, your DD sounds so much like mine in so many ways. Worrying, liking to play by herself, separation anxiety. DD was terrified to start preschool, but for several different reasons, I really wanted her to try it. For about nine months prior to preschool starting, we read a book about preschool almost every day. Fear of the unknown was her problem, and reading a book that detailed all the fun things at preschool really helped her know what to expect. After a couple months reading the book, we visited the preschool together for a whole morning, which went great, except for the fact that she begged me every day to go back! When the big day came, she was a little trepidatious, but had the best time. Within a couple of weeks, she was running the place, and the most enthusiastic kid there.

Hopefully your DD will feel the same way when the time comes! Good luck!

[tnrsmom]

My ds was in a co-op preschool program when he was 4. He loved going but always wanted me to stay. The school was great and had no problem with me staying even though I often had my 2 younger dds with me as well. We did not do any school for him the next year since I had a newborn and did not want to sit at preschool twice a week. When he started kindergarten last year, he did great. He never had a problem with me leaving and was sad when he did not have school. 1st grade was a bit tougher, getting into the all day routine but he is doing fine.

I would not push it right now and in a few years when it is time, things may change drastically.

HTH

[manzanitamomma]

Thank you all for your responses. It gives me hope.

I will try to read a book about it...any recommendations? Reading books has worked great in the past...we read one about using a toilet and the next day she gave up diapers completely. Lately we've been reading books about death because she has so many questions.

Our local coop preschool will be happy to have me stay with her (I plan to try in about a year and a half, if she seems ready), but they won't let her little sister tag along , so I'll have to figure that out.

Thanks again, everyone!!!