Heading back towards the forest(long)

[Foobar]

I just need to write this out.

I am tired. So tired.

Goo was sick this weekend. She cried all night on Sunday. She slept 2 hours that night and screamed the rest of the night. We stayed up with her and even had her in our bed (she normally sleeps alone in her crib). Turns out to be a wicked bad head cold that left her with stuffiness, a sore throat, fluid in her ears (but no infection) and a fever. Tuesday and Wednesday she had laryngistis. Poor girl.

On top of this, I am very PMSy and I think my PPD is worse during these times. I see the good days as days in a sunlit meadow with trees and a warm breeze. I can sit in the grass and just enjoy life. However, off to the edge of the meadow is a dark dark forest. The trees are old, and gnarled. The wind is cold and lonely in the forest. And when I get down, I am drawn into the forest where I can no longer see any paths out. All I see are the dark trees and the cold wind whips around me. I don't want to leave the forest because it seems hopeless to do so.

Right now, I feel I am drawing into the forest. I am so tired, I hate my job and I am waiting for a decision on a new job that should get back to me within 2 weeks. That 2 weeks seems like an eternity.

Last night, I went into Goo's room and watched her sleep for 20 minutes or so. She's so beautiful and calm and I wonder how I ended up with such a wonderful child when I am so crazy....

Sigh...it's snowing again.

Thanks for just letting me wriote this out

[Jish]

Foo, I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom for you, but I don't. I know what you are feeling and it is so hard to deal with. Not that this will make you feel better, but I find that my depression is much worse in the days before my period. I have read that this is very common. Thankfully, my medication has made it much less in the past couple months.

If you can, try to get outside today. It's tough when it's snowing, but even five minutes of sunshine can boost my mood. Know that you aren't alone, we are all right there with you. We all have good days and bad days. My forest also has that river that I seem to be drowning in at times. It can be so hard to pull ourselves out, but it is so worth it.

I'll be thinking about you.

[mama2girls]

Foo, I'm glad to hear from you even if it's not so good news. I like the analogy with the forest. I can understand the feeling. It's so hard when little ones are sick. And you have a beautiful wonderful daughter because you are you and not in spite of it.

Head for the sun...

J

[Foobar]

The sun is out today I have to head to town hall for some paper work (we are moving and we have to get the smoke detectors inspected : and yes, you have to make the appointment in person!)

I think when Goo wakes up and she eats, we'll head out to town hall. It's a long walk, but as long as I have her bundled up, she'll be ok. I hope the sun helps.

Thanks for you words. I had been doing so much better and then this hit like a ton of bricks and I have been fighting it. Poor DH doesn't know what to do. He just hugs me close and that is all I really need...

Hopefully, I'll feel better soon! My temp dropped today, so I expect my cycle to start and then my spirits should show up again.

I am glad that you guys understand the forest. It is SO HARD to explain this to people.