Can home/unschooling and preschool co-exist?

[Lady of Z Lake]

Hi, all! New around here-- I usually hang out at the diapering board. I will unschool (maybe some homeschooling too) my children. My dd is 3-1/2, and I have a ds who is 9 months.

I am sometimes overwhelmed with taking care of both of them-- or at least I feel like I can't give BOTH of them the attention they deserve. Anyway, I was thinking of sending dd to a Montessori preschool until ds is about 2. I figured at that point he could participate to some degree in whatever we're doing (whereas now he just bulldozes through ) Dd is very social, and although I have friends with children the same age, I often find we stay in or go to my parents.

Is it possible to want to homeschool and send your child to a preschool before starting?? Are those two approaches mutually exclusive? It feels so weird to consider it.

I've also considered starting a co-op, but I don't know that I have the time or energy to devote to it right now.

Please share your thoughts!

[ekblad9]

DD2 went to preschool last year. I found it difficult to balance the two. Alot of times her preschool would be at the same time as other homeschool group activities that we wanted to do. It was also hard at the end of the year when all of the teachers were prepping the other kids for kindergarten. I think she felt left out. She knew she would be homeschooled.

However, that is only my experience. If you want to do preschool then I would try it. It's not like you can't quit! Good luck!

[MamaMonica]

My sister- who is very into her homeschooling group- said people sometimes send their kids to preschool even if they are homeschooling after that.

I struggle with this myself- dd is almost four and her brother is one year old. It is hard for us to get out to activities- ds is running around and making noise at music class, and he has his nap time that keeps us in during the afternoon. We just don't get out to be with other kids very much lately.

[lilyka]

I don't think it would be a problem. Just because you believe children can learn freely doesn't mean you dd wouldn't enjoy pre-school. They have good toys and other kids and crafts and good toys . . . It is my estimation that there isn't a whole lot of learning (accademically speaking) that goes on in preschool. And if there is you should probably reconsider which pre-school to attend. Think of it as your child being exposed to a lot of different studd with lots of time to play in an enriching environment.

On the down side school will probably be talk up and she may feel like you are taking something away when preschoool is done.

[mamanonymous]

Hi, I've been reading these forums for a while, but this is my first time jumping in. You never know, it might work. When all my friends kids started turning 3, they all jumped on the preschool wagon, even the ones who had been really into the homeschooling idea. It's a high maintenence age and they were all sahms. One found a great school and it was like dominos, they all signed up except us. Getting up and out the door every morning sounded like more work than a few hours break would be worth. Several still said they were going to homeschool, but all the kids are still in school almost 3 years later and I'm pretty sure will stay there. The kids got into the routine of going there 5 days a week and started being "bored" at home. The whole idea that "school" is what everyone does seems to be easily ingrained. Their lives pretty much revolve around it now. Can't do this or that, have to work around dropping off, picking up, whatever. Maybe when they get into the older grades and realize that they no longer get the free time but I think they are being sold on the idea that it is this fun wonderful thing that they want to do. Especially when they call it preschool they think it is what school is like. Just like the books and PBS kids shows when they make going off to school look all warm and fuzzy. The other downside I noticed was that even at this eco groovy hip organic food serving preschool the kids were picking up some innappropriate things from being around 20 other kids 5 mornings a week. For us, smaller playgroups where my kids could do their own thing and I could chat with other mamas worked allright. Also we would do things like gymnastics classes for my older one where I could take a walk with little one or whatever. If you knew other mamas, and were laid back with the expectations, the co op thing might not be too hard. If 4 mamas meet weekly, they'd each only have to come up with a craft , story whatever once a month. It's tough working around two very different ages and needs, that is for sure. Best wishes.

[MamaMonica]

mamanymous, thanks for the perspective. Even though it wasn't my posted question- it is one I struggle with. 3 is a high-maintenence age and preschool is tempting-- but I think I will work to meet other moms and have playdates.

[TiredX2]

DD is four and in preschool and just this last week she told me that "preschool is good, but I'm not going to "regular school"" so it doesn't seem to have made her a convert.

we looked for a very low academic preschool with just lots of fun. we chose a co-op and DH or I go once a week, so its perfect for our family. in our area, you are encouraged to send your child to preschool even if you will homeschool, because that is where initial contacts are made.

good luck and good learning

[bestjob]

I would say that sending my daughter to nursery school definitely changed the way I felt about having her go to school, and she is now in Grade Three of public school. Before that I thought that I would homeschool, but after seeing her in the nursery school I thought I'd try kindergarten and then Grade One and so on...

I still have twinges when I think that I'd prefer homeschool, but I am not sure that she would prefer it.

If you are strongly committed to having your children at home, then I'd suggest looking for a preschool that treats homeschooling as a serious option. That is definitely not the norm around here, and I think that both parents and children get into a school mind-set that is very hard to leave. The general feeling in the preschools is that homeschooling is unusual and is accompanied by some social or academic difficulty. These are not my views, but they are the prevalent views around here, and they might be a bit hard to shake.

[mama_kass]

I do both! I homeschooled exclusivly until my ds was 4and a half. Then he started going to school age 4 and 5 for just two hours a day. Now he goes normal hours and we homeschool in the evenings, summers, and weekends. It works great for us! Whatever feels right is the right thing to do for your family.

[mama_kass]

[i] The general feeling in the preschools is that homeschooling is unusual and is accompanied by some social or academic difficulty. [/B]

YES YES YES! My experience exactly!When his teacher asked if he had been to school before and I said "No, we homeschool.", she looked at me very dissaprovingly and said "So he's behind. Nothing we can't fix over time." I said nothing and thaught it sad that this very educated woman had been so jaded. When we had our first conference she commented on how articulate his speech was and how advaced he was in reading and math. Also, she commnted on how very socially adjusted he was.

Do not count on finding anyone in education to understand hs. My mil has a phd in curriculum and her and I have went around and round.

[Lady of Z Lake]

Your thoughts and experience are very helpful... I am now leaning towards a co-op where the focus is play-- if anything at all.

I haven't even started homeschooling dd (3-1/2), and really don't plan to do anything formal until she's at least 5, maybe 6 unless she's requesting it. I like the idea of unschooling, so I may never do much formally anyway.

A friend of mine just loaned me a book called "Playful Learning" and I am looking forward to reading some good ideas.

My main motivation to put her somewhere is that I don't feel like I have the time to devote to her with the baby. I think I'm going to look for alternatives where I can spend time with just her. And I need to beef up my social calendar so she can play with friends more often!

[Sherricp]

Speaking only theoretically at this point, I think that if you can find a friend with 2 kids at similar ages, you might be able to pair up for things like classes or library story times so that one of you could stick with the older kids while the other took the younger ones to a different room if need be (or even have one Mom stay home with the younger ones while the other Mom takes the older ones out).

I do think that there's a lot to be said for a group of 4-7 preschool aged kids with one parent leading an activity and another 1 or more providing support. I just hope I will be able to pull something like that together for DS when he needs it (he's nearing 2 1/2 but still learning much more from 1 on 1, I think, plus he's been kicking younger children lately---arghh!).

I think Playful Learning is a very good resource.

Sherri

[michelle1k]

A slightly different view

I think what you have to consider is what your child needs *right now*. Sometimes we get so involved with an "idea" or a concept, that we start defining ourselves by it, to the detriment of allowing for new paradigms and ideas. I think many people become so enamoured with the idea of homeschooling that they "become homeschoolers" and perhaps aren't remaining as open and responsive as they might be to the changing needs of their children. Really look at your child and do what feels right *now*.

It may very well be that your child is ready for preschool now and you will sucessfully homeschool her for the grades, or that you will keep her home now and find that she (or both of you!) in later years feel/s a strong need to go to school. What is important, is that you honor her spirit *today* (with a careful balancing with your own and your family's needs) - and in so doing, you cannot go wrong.

Mindfully offered,
Michelle in NY - mom to ds (4 yrs - in a Waldorf kindy and likely to be homeschooled) and dd (8 months)

[Openskyheart]

Michele's advice to look at what you and your children need "right now" is great.

I was going to recommend a co-op for preschool if you are planning on homeschooling later. In our homeschool-friendly town, my children's co-ops had families who were moving on to public, private-alternative, Waldorf, Montessori, unschooling, homeschooling with an ISP, etc. All choices were honored. BUT, with 5 years of co-op preschool under my belt, I can confidently say that a "break" is not what you get with co-ops. Co-ops are "work" (for the parents), and fun for the kids.

Now, my children are ds8 and dd6. I have one who homeschools (ds8), and one (dd6) who goes to a private-alternative school who has played "homeschool" with us during her school vacations, and is very clear that she wants to be in school! Right now, we are able to follow the true wishes of our children. Both know they can change their decisions, and try a different way.

Laura

[lilyka]

I just thought of something. My friend had her dd in a a parent child preschool. They had a teacher/facilitater and the parents interacted for some things and jyst tagged along for somethings. The chilkdren got peer interaction (and so did the parents) and yet there was a teacher polanning and taking care of the details.

maybe your dd would intrested in samething like that in your area. I think it was only one or two days a week. it would certainly be easy to start something like that on a low key basis.