Oh heck, now I need a new Pediatrician...again!

[BensMom]

(A little history first - Ped #1 was an arrogant jerk. Terrible bedside manner. Not supporting of BFing. Suggested that 10w old DS needed juice. Switched to Ped#2 in same practice. Much nicer, a little more supportive of BFing, but started getting tired of office staff. Could never get an appt when child was sick. Switched to Ped #3. Better office staff, but Dr repeatedly suggested CIO, weaning, and did not respect my views as a parent. Just swicthed to Ped #4, a DO/Family Doc, hoping he would have a more "natural" or holistic approach.)

At DS' 2 yaer check up:

Doc: What does he eat? Table foods?
Me: Oh yeah, he eats all kinds of foods.
D: And drinks? Milk?
M: He doesn't drink milk.
D: None at all?
M: Well, he eats yogurt, cottage cheese, and I am still nursing him some. (small white lie, unless you consider 3-5x/day, plus several times at night "some")
D: Why are you still nursing?
M: Um..(caought off guard by the pointed question) He is slowly weaning off, but he has been sick this week...
D: That needs to stop and you need to get him drinking milk. (practically rolling eyes at me)

<insert scream here>

Then he went on to act shocked that DS drinks water and not juice. Did all these ^&*%*& peds miss the APA recommendations on *very little* juice? WTF!

But I am so sick of being treated like some freak for nursing a toddler. I was so shocked at the apparent disbelief he had at me still nursing. I can't beleive I did not have a better response prepared. I guess I was also expecting more from a DO, everything I read said they tended to be less traditional.

So I am now on the hunt for a new ped. And in my area (GA - Ezzoland) this will be hard. I would like to have 2 questions to ask a potential ped and try to gauge their response before I pick one. I was thinking one about EBF and one about CIO. Any advice? How did y'all find a good ped? Heck, at this point, I am not even trying to find an AP ped, I just don't want a hostile one!

Jenn

PS: I am smarting about this even more today because I went to a B-day party this morning and a mom had one of those hands free bottle propping feeders....and all the other moms were oohhing and aahing at it. Yuck! Bet that dr would have no problem with that!

[Mallory]

How about a family doctor? I need to find a doctor too, but we all go to the doctor so rarely, I really feel like the only chance they have of knowing us is if they see all four of us. I also had a great experince with the family doctor that delivered my first.

I always think the best question to ask a doctor is What books should I read? If they recommend Dr Sears then you are set and if they recommend Babywise you can run and what ever else they recommend you can read and see what you think.
(I know when I stumbled upon my good family doctor while pregnant, my gyn had recommended What to Expect and he recommended Spiritual Midwifery- I really didn't have to ask any more questions!)

[Piglet68]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks, especially going into it unprepared for such a STUPID question as "why are you still nursing"!

I think definitely ask them what they think of EBF. I see this as alot more important than CIO. Sleeping is NOT a medical issue, and as long as you tell him that baby sleeps fine, he has no reason to suggest such things. When our first ped gave us the "crib sleeping safety precautions" guidelines, I just smiled and nodded, not even bothering to tell him we don't even own a crib, lol.

The new ped we're going to is a family doc who treated me for a cold a few weeks ago (I thought it might be something worse). She didn't bat an eyelid when I mentioned I was nursing my 6 mo old (pathetic that one would even expect a negative response at that age) and said, when I was concerned about DD getting sick "oh, don't worry. breastfeeding is the best thing for her". So hopefully she'll work out!

Hang in there, mama....you may have to learn to "smile and nod" and then go home and do whatever works for you. Aw heck, just flat out lie if it becomes too much trouble, lol.

[MSings]

Oh Jenn, how terrible for you. Are there LLL meetings in your area where you can exchange Dr info with other nursing moms? A lactation consultant would also know who is up on breastfeeding. Any midwives? You need to see my son's Ped. He is very neutral. I took DS in for 26 month check up (2 yr a little late) and Ped has standard question of "Are you still nursing?" and I say yes. "How many times?" Oh, I say, we are down to only 8-10 times a day now. Ped says "So he is getting at least 16 ounces of milk a day" writes something down in the chart and moves on to other questions.

[Elphaba]

where are you in GA? i'm in augusta.
i gave up on finding a ped that wasn't going to be an a$$ AND had a good staff, so i've decided to start taking shosh to a DO instead. i emailed him ahead of time and asked him what his thoughts were on nursing toddlers and skipping/delaying vaxes. he said it was my business if i wanted to nurse a toddler and that he had several patients who didn't vax their kids, and as long as a patient has done adequate research, he's not going to hassle them. he said he believes in respecting his patient's choices, even if he doesn't agree with them.
i had hoped he would say something like: "you're nursing until she's 3-4-5? WONDERFUL! i wish all my patients would nurse so long." but, i'll take what i can get!

i think a good reply to his stupid question would have been: why WOULDN'T i be nursing?

i know it's a bit late for a retort, but maybe you can use it if there's ever a next time.

[lilyka]

Questions to ask:

Who would you refer me to if I were having a BF problem? If he answers that he takes care of it ask what specialized training he has in lactation.

What books should I read?

Who handles nutrional education in your office? If he answers that he does ask what specialized training in nutrition he has.

What is your philosophy on where a baby shoulc sleep?

Whatever question you ask try to stay away from yesa and no questions and questions the lead him to the answers you want? For example instead of "how do you feel about EBF?" Ask "When do advise your patients to wean?" (his only answer to this one should be "hen it is no longer mutually desired byt he mom and baby"

[WinterBaby]

Although it is nice to find a doctor I feel more in sync with, I'm not as interested in whether or not a doctor personally agrees with my choices - I'm more concerned that he or she support my choices as a parent. Even if the doc shares my philosophy it's unlikely he or she will always agree. I'd look for a philosophy of medicine that involves listening to patients, offering information in a non judgemental way and supporting parents' informed choices. I personally don't care where or how a peds kids sleep or how they eat, and don't care for their unsolicited parenting opinions anymore than free ones you get from people at the grocery store, lol. Peds are doctors, not parenting gurus So - I think it's possible to find a good doctor even if he or she disagrees with you on several points, if you're having trouble finding one of a similar parenting philosophy. I might ask a question like how would a doctor handle it if she and I disagree over a parenting or medical subject? I think the referral questions are good too, given the lack of expertise many peds have in these things.

[Irishmommy]

My doctor bf each of her kids for at least 2 years!!

[jtsmom]

What does DO mean? My dr has that after his name and I always wondered what the heck it was:

We switched the kids to family practicioners when dd was a few months old. In my case, I feel we get much better care, and as an added bonus, we can double up on appts and dh and I have gotten to know our own drs much better. For some reason I always felt like I had to fight to get an appt with the pediatricians. Like I had to convince them that my kid really was sick enough to come in. Also, at the group we go to, there are so many peds. that you never see the same person twice. Family practice (where we are, anyway) is much smaller and it's easier to get to know all the docs.

Our dr was very supportive of ebf, and I never asked their opinion on sleeping, it took me until my second child to figure out that they are doctors, not parenting experts. So if I didn't want their advice, I didn't ask.

[Elphaba]

DO means he's an osteopath. generally speaking, they are more holistic than MDs, though they do have many of the same subject areas in school. they can specialize just like MDs, so you can have a DO who does family practice, or one who does OB/GYN.

[Elphaba]

okay here's a link about DOs

[Marlena]

Something y'all may wish to consider: family docs have the least training of any doc - usually just a one-year internship following med school. They often are a jack of all trades and a master of none. That's not to say there aren't excellent family docs out there; rather, it means merely that there may be a higher chance that if your child has a genuine medical problem, they'll be less well equiped to identify it and/or properly refer you on to someone else than a pediatrician.

If you're going to a doc, you presumably want good medical advice. Where the child sleeps and whether s/he's still breastfeeding as a toddler is only on very rare occasions a medical matter. I trust my ped to spot genuine medical problems and give proper referrals where necessary. I don't trust him to give me parenting advice that matches my own philosophy, as I figured out at the 6-wk checkup that he and I are way off in that department. Frankly, I don't give a dam* what he thinks about extended bf'ing or cosleeping or what have you; we simply don't discuss it (he knows I'm still breastfeeding, but I've made it clear that it's not a matter for discussion). It's none of his business. Rather, I go to him because I know that, if the sh** hits the fan, I can trust my daughter's medical care to him. Why else go to a doc?

[jtsmom]

Shoshis mom, you are awesome, thank you. Now I know why I like him so much!!

Marlena, I agree with everything that you said. I wish I knew how to quote the good parts....

I never went to anyone but my midwives when I had problems bf my 2nd dk. I knew I had NO support with my ds's pediatricians, and when I called my midwives with bf problems, the first thing I said was "don't tell me to wean, it is NOT and option" I am so proud of myself for doing that.

Of course, care varies from place to place and doctor to doctor, but I find our doctors to be very good at referrals (so far) and admitting when they don't know (which I think is admirable) Our drs office get so few babies, everyone makes a big deal out of us when we go in (which is way too often) I find that to be a plus.

The bottom line is that you need to find a dr that you feel comfortable with, but I don't feel that parenting ideas have to match. I just wanted to point out that family docs are a good option. I wish I had started off there instead of listening to a friend tell me that it was better to have a dr that specializes in children. If I'd gone with my gut instinct, we all would have been better off.

[LoveBeads]

I had many of the same problems and had to switch peds. One of the things that I did was start a search for peds that do not take insurance - I know that sounds crazy but I found that my very rushed appointments (6 minutes if you have an HMO) meant that I was getting rushed advice. I spoke to lots of different moms and found my current ped who's entire philosophy is "what mom says, goes". She made it abundantly clear to me that she always listens to what the mother says since we are the best ones to determine what is best for our children.

I have to submit the paperwork to the insurance company myself and pay the doctor entirely up front but it works for me. I get a minimum 45 minute appointment every time I go and get lots of questions asked and answered.

My ped knows me and the type of parent that I am and that has had a lot of impact on the type of advice she offers - she never brushes off my concerns nor does she treat me with any type of arrogance. In short, I have learned to trust her completely.

I think the other ladies also had terrific advice. But give yourself a pat on the back for not "taking it" from this ped and being firm enough in your convictions to switch. There are good peds out there, you just need to kiss a lot of frogs sometimes.

Good luck!

[kimmysue2]

hands free bottle propping feeders? What, is human contact while feeding whether with or without a bottle just to much effort? Scary.

Well I can't really complain about my son'd Dr since he has seen a different one everytime he has gone in. One DR wanted me to start feeding rice cereal at 6 months and I just smiled and thought whatever.

[jtsmom]

I was so into the dr conversation that I didn't even mention how evil those bottle propping things are. Ack. How I hate that. Totally pisses me off.

[Embee]

Just wanted the second the idea of a family doc (or nurse practioner), rather than a ped. We had a ped early on when we still in in the city and she was really nice but obviously mainstream... I'm quite certain had we continued living there and going to her, she may have been critical of our choices to parent DS to sleep, EBF and all the rest... (she had already told us that we needed to give him opportunities to fall asleep by himself--at 4 months old!). *sigh*

We moved and decided to find a family practice instead--someone that would come to know our whole family. We lucked out and found a husband/wife team practice (he, doc, she NP). They're both nice and if they have been disenchanted with our choices, they haven't said one darned word. Supportive from what I can sense. We see the NP usually but when we were in for a check a couple of weeks ago (a prolonged miserable cold) and the doc raised concerns about DS's weight, he didn't say word one to me when I answered him that we were still nursing and that DS didn't drink milk. I wasn't thrilled that he was concerned about it, especially given that he didn't know us very well but in the end, he talked with his wife who knows my son well, and we went into see her and through our conversation and theirs, we decided that DS is fine and just finding his own place on the weight chart after a HUGE first year... I was really worried they were going to make an issue of it and was pleasantly surprised that my careful research and input about DS's family history was taken seriously.

Sorry about the digression there, but I wonder if sometimes a family doc can see a bigger picture perhaps than a ped. Our NP conducts DS's check ups no differently than our ped did and frankly, gives more detailed, helpful advice when I have a question. With the family practice, I feel like we are getting more personilized care somehow and better yet, no judgements about they way we parent... although I'm sure this varies from doc to doc as well.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

[lilyka]

I have to second the nP thing. We have one in our peds office and have seen her a couple of times. Love her. She is great. She is so sweet to the girls and very knowledgeable.