tandem nursing question???

[arianasmama]

I didn't know how else to label this post. my dd is 32 months old and i am expecting dc #2 in mid-May. She weaned at 28 1/2 months due to dried milk docks. I know with the birth of her new sibling, she may want to nurse again. I am all for tandem nursing but would she still remember how to nurse? : Last weekend, I made the mistake of asking her if she wanted a breast and she said yes and I was going to give it to her but my dh had a mad fit. So, I didn't give it to her and she cried her head off. I didn't even think that she would still be interested but now she is interested again... I guess she can smell the milk coming back or something... I'm really confused at this point at how this will work out. Any insight on how this going to work??? I keep joking to our families that they will be seeing me nursing my 3 year old and my newborn. The newborn laying on top of the 3 year old. Help please!!!

TIA

[tnrsmom]

My feeling is that if they ask, it is easier to let them try than to tell them no and deal with a fit. After all, you offered it to her and then she said she wanted it and you refused. Kind of like if my dh offered me a nice massage and I got all ready and he said, Oh, I was just kidding. I would be pissed. Anyway, in my experience, my ds did ask to nurse after he was weaned and he couldn't remember how to latch on. He would still ask every now and then and I always let him try. I really think that while the new baby is coming in and taking over, they still want to make sure that they still have their place.

[momsgotmilk4two]

I'm not really clear on what you are asking: I am tandem nursing my two and my dh isn't exactly crazy about it, but he's not about to try to control what I do either since *I'm* the one who's done all the research on the subject. For us, it works fine. Each babe has his own side and they usually nurse at different times. When the little one was a newborn, I made sure he was getting enough and didn't let the older one drink all the milk from both sides. If you dh is absolutely against it though, and you plan on deferring to him on this, I'm not sure how that will go. It's one of those things that can really wreak havoc on a marriage if you're not at least somewhat in agreement.

[arianasmama]

okay, let me clear up some misunderstandings that I said in my post that I offered the breast to her... It was directly offered to her. I said out loud do you want some breast but I wasn't directing it to her. I was actually speaking to my dh because he was acting like a baby and she got all excited because I guess she that I was talking to her and then when I said no... that's when she got upset. I don't know anymore. I am more confused today than I was yesterday. I think when the time comes all will be revealed (for lack of a better word) to me and I will know what I am suppose to do. Thanks both of you for your responses.

[nikirj]

My daughter wanted to try just 3 weeks after she weaned. She either didn't remember or felt awkward once she got there, because she never really latched on and it was a couple-of-seconds thing. I hear that this is pretty common, so you might want to just let your daughter try if she actually asks you some time, and see what happens.

[tnrsmom]

Arianasmama, hang in there. It will get easier. I now understand the confusion. ITA with what Nicole said. They often forget how. Once the baby is born you will do whatever feels right for yourself and your children. Nobody knows better than a mama what her kids need. You are doing just fine

[arianasmama]

thanks everyone!!!!

thanks everyone for your advice and you're right, things will work out the way they are suppose too. i guess it's just really different because no one in my family or dh's family has breastfed any of their children past 3 months. they thought i was wierd for breastfeeding past a year and when she hit 2 years, OMG!!!! they fell out and were making jokes like she'd be breastfeeding until she was 5 years old and i was like if she wants too. i truly believe in child lead weaning and this pregnancy kinda did it for her but i already know that dc #2 will be breastfed the same length, if not longer... depending on if i get pregnant. i am glad that i found this board. everyone here makes me feel like the parenting path that i have chosen is the right and not wired or wrong. THANKS SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[threermine]

I tandem nursed my 2 yo and baby, and my 5 yo, who weaned at 2 1/2 years, started asking for milkies, too. I just didn't think I could handle three nursers, so I gave him breastmilk in a cup. He loved it. He asked for a cup a day, and we called it his milkie medicine.
If you do tandem, you will have frustrating times, like when they are kicking each other, but also beautiful times, like when the two of them hold hands or pat each other.
I wish you happy nursing.

[Sariha]

I'm glad the good times of tandem nursing were mentioned. Sometimes mine pull hair and fight a bit, or refuse to nurse at the same time, but some times they touch each others hair and faces in such a gentle and sweet way, or wiggle their fingers together...stuff like that. It's nice. I've seen lots of posts about dads that don't like tandem nursing. My husband was all for it. When our second one was born and the older baby was crying to nurse, he said "you've got 2 of em, can't you nurse em both at the same time?" A little tricky in the beginning I think because newborns need to be supported to nurse, but now that they are both able to latch however they please there are rarely difficulties. good luck.

[arianasmama]

thanks

thanks everyone for your advice and support. my dh and i have come to a compromise. if dd #1 wants to nurse i will offer it to her but like everyone said... after dc #2 has nursed. i'm just afraid that i won't know how to nurse my 3 year old and my newborn but like what you all have said, it's takes time to get adjusted. thanks again.

[Mallory]

Well my boys are pretty close together, only 19 months, but I always just nursed on demand. Worrying about who nursed on which side and when would have just been one more thing to worry about. I even often let my baby have the "empty" side (after the first coupleweeks when the clostrum was less) because the full side was too fast (and the kid weighed almost 12 lbs at his two week apt- he had gained 3 lbs!, we never went back to the doctor but I don't think his growth ever slowed down)

I wonder if she just needs to know you are there for her and if she asks a few times after the baby is born and you just say sure come try, that might be all she needs, a few times. But if you put her off this need might be extended and you might really be tandem nursing. Not that that would be a bad thing, just it seems like what she really is looking for is the reasurrance. Am I making sense?