my mornings have been awful

[spiralmg]

My mornings have been just terrible lately (well, actually this isn't completely new, it seemed to get better but now is bad again) and I'm really struggling with how to be a better mom. Yesterday was awful. Today was slightly better but I am oh so close to losing it between the time we get up and the time we get out the door to go to the park (at about 10 or so).


I am always tired and not a morning person to begin with. But this whole routine of trying to get DS to eat breakfast (so he's not horrid later), while simultaneously trying to eat food myself and deal with numerous baby pees and poos (this is also my worst EC time of the day, and I tend to miss a lot, which in some cases makes a mess to add to it all and bums me out even if she is wearing a diaper) and get out the door - is enough to drive me mad.

I don't like how aggravated and irritated and mad I get. 3 yo DS eggs me on to some extent but I can't really blame it on him as his the child and I am the adult. Obviously it is not the baby's fault! If I could wear her more in the morning it might help but I'm just not feeling up to that either until I get myself together a bit more.

So, come on DDDC mamas. Do you have any secret morning formula/routine that I can follow? Special foods (Jen?). Little games to make it go smoother (Michelle)? I don't want to be this kind of cranky mama...

[IncaMama]

ack i didn't see this until just now. i have to get ava down for a nap right now but i'll come back and post. :

[mariposita]

linda, that sounds a lot like what i try and accomplish in the mornings with reed and carter. we also aim to get out the door by 10am. what time does your day start? how many hours are we talking about? when does your dh leave for work?

i am soooo not a morning person, so i hear you. also, mornings are the times i usually miss more pees because he goes so frequently compared to the rest of the day. i know this is completely normal physiologically speaking, so maybe try and conciously release that guilt. you're doing so much for them, please don't feel bad for those misses.

one thing i constantly remind myself is that nothing in nature is perfect, yet everything is in balance. so tat's what i strive for - balance. it's a hard road for me since i'm a bit of a perfectionist, but by reminding myself of that mantra, it helps my emotions stay in check.

as for practical solutions, can you make breakfast the night before? i make up a bunch of steel cut oats and then just toss i some honey, flax seed and berries and heat it up. it doesn't take much time. also to get your 3yo to eat could you get some namaste pancake mix (dairy/wheat free) and pour it into cookie cutter shapes to make it fun? or use cookie cutters to cut out fruit. or make faces on whatever else you might eat with a puree of some sort? make meals fun? i am unspired (and intimidated) by this website. she makes food so fun! http://www.veganlunchbox.blogspot.com/ is your son in a highchair? that always helps carter be motivated to finish because he wants down. maybe you can put on some fun music you like and make it a routine too finish the meal by the end of a certain song. that way you enjoy the music, have some distraction, and a bit of a game too.

do you have some sort of baby holding device (besides you, lol)? we didn't with carter, but we have a swing for reed. he doesn't like it a whole lot, but i can usually use it for 1/2 hour in the morning to get done the things i have to do. i just move it around with me from room to room. it's the only time we ever use it, but it sure does help!

last thought - could you somehow leave a little ealier to the park? i know that sounds counter-productive since you are stretched for time already, but maybe leaving earlier might make things feel like they're not dragging on so much.

anyhow, i hope you find something that helps you out. if nothing else works, you can call me and we can gripe our way through the morning.

[amygoforth]

Originally Posted by mariposita

do you have some sort of baby holding device (besides you, lol)? we didn't with carter, but we have a swing for reed. he doesn't like it a whole lot, but i can usually use it for 1/2 hour in the morning to get done the things i have to do. i just move it around with me from room to room. it's the only time we ever use it, but it sure does help!

TOTALLY! We have a Jump-a-Roo and a exersaucer. Drew loves them both and will play for at least 30 minutes at a time. It's a lifesaver for me in the morning after DH leaves for school, leaving me to get the boys and myself dressed and out the door for daycare/work. I can nurse and dress Drew, then leave him to play while I get Evan--who's waaaaayy more work--ready to go.

[spiralmg]

Thank you.

These are all good suggestions. I think that maybe a swing or exersaucer could be a lot of fun for her, and give me some relief, too. I kind of forgot that those kinds of things exist. The veganlunchbox site looks great - i'm going to go check it out more later.

I wish we could get out the door sooner - but that is my entire problem. We just can't get out the door most mornings.

We wake up around 6 or 6:30...DH leaves at about 5:30 each morning. It used to be 8, then awhile ago he switched to 6:30, and now it seems like it just keeps getting earlier. He doesn't get home until 6:30 p.m., usually, either. However, he is sweet enough to leave us some food. The problem is, it is always the exactly same thing everyday. A pot of oatmeal. A pot with 3 boiled eggs. I cannot tell you how sick and tired I am of boiled eggs!!! I try to make myself tea, but even that seems like an insurmountable task sometimes...

[allnaturalmama]

I'm sorry your mornings have been so rough, Linda.

Hmmm, advice. I don't know if I have any nutritional miracles to pull out of my sleeve, but I wish I did. What is your family's eating preference (ie, vegan, etc)? That would help me know the parameters for making suggestions. What are you currently eating for breakfast?

What exactly is the issue with DS at breakfast? Is he pokey? picky? both?

Any thoughts as to why you're so tired in the am? Are you getting to bed early enough? Not getting enough protein? Could your liver or thyroid be sluggish? Or is it just truly that you aren't a morning person, even on a perfect diet/rest/health regimen?

I really struggled with grumpiness in the AM last fall, actually. I just wanted to sleep in, and the kids drove me nuts in the morning. My foul mood in the beginning of the day ruined the entire day, because we started on the wrong foot.

I conquered it with a two-prong approach:

1- I actually got up earlier, yes earlier, and took a 30-minute walk before DH left for work. I still do this now, and it is such a centering time to be out alone in the quiet morning while the day is just beginning. I come home refreshed, wide awake, and ready to face whatever the kids have for me. It also gives me a little quiet time to prepare for the day before they are awake.

2- This is kinda silly, but I have a mental image that really helps. When I wake up in the morning, I envision a rope hanging over the bed. I can grab this rope and swing over to a good, bright, sunny day, or I can choose to swing over to a dark, grumpy, unhappy day. Or, I can hang passively on the end of the rope and let the day happen to me. The choice is mine.

I know, I'm a dork, but that image really helps. I really do think of it first thing when I wake up each morning.

I'll be watching for your answers to my myriad of questions...

[allnaturalmama]

Oh boy, I see we cross-posted, and that a morning walk is out.

I'll keep mulling this over for ya...

[IncaMama]

firstly - yes, find some fun device for DD. exersaucers are friggin awesome. yes, i said it. and i don't care who hears me. : ava hates to sit so swings are no fun, but in an exersaucer she can bop around, spin around, jump around, and i can do other things. alternatively, you could put her in a highchair (if you have one) and give her some fun stuff to chew on or look at.

nutrition - do the exact opposite of me. : jk. sorta. on mornings when i just can't get my shit together, breakfast is a banana and cheerios. and on my good days, it's um...a banana and cheerios. LMAO!! no but seriously, i am not a morning person. so i am my least creative in the morning and just need easy stuff. i've given him breakfast bars too (health valley - hey they have the word 'health' in them, they can't be that bad, right??) if you do decide to do something better (like pps have mentioned), i'd suggest NOT tackling it in the morning. make a bunch of pancakes on sunday and freeze 'em so you can just re-heat them in the morning for like a minute and you're good to go. yogurt's good in the AM too. i just plain old don't cook in the morning (other than the aforementioned pancake brilliance). homeboy gets eggs in the afternoon. :

so. games. ok i'm feelin the pressure now. fun things. fun things. funnnn thinnnngs. well shit, i must have taken my boring pill today. : my son is totally UNimpressed with fun food things (like smileys, fun shapes, etc) because he's got so many food issues he just plain old won't eat it if it looks any different than he's used to.

my games often consist of me just making a damn fool of myself. around here we're very fond of several doozies:

1. mommy trips down the stairs (fake. ok, ok sometimes not fake. that's how we discovered how much fun it was in the first place.)
2. mommy puts her bra on the outside of her shirt
3. mommy puts both legs into the same pant leg
4. mommy tries to put rowan's clothes on ava
5. the significantly harder mommy tries to put ava's clothes on rowan
6. mommy tries to wear a diaper
7. mommy puts her slippers on her ears (no my ears are not big enough for them to stick)
8. do everything backwards (walk backwards, mostly. don't do this in flip flops. or down the stairs. they learn. that's bad. LOL)
9. whisper morning (this isn't as much fun as it might seem)
10. dance around to loud music (this is way fun)

that's all i got right now. :


ETA: yes i realize that this may end up convincing my children that their mother is an incompetent idiot. but really, by the time they figure that out i will hopefully have shown them some of my redeeming qualities as well. and i will do anything to hear my son laugh *that laugh*. you know the one.

[spiralmg]

Michelle, you sound like my husband. He is completely able to make a fool of himself in the worst of times to turn it all around. I on the other hand am incapable of this in the worst of times - although I can manage it pretty much otherwise.

This afternoon, evening - I am fine. My son is the one making a fool of himself now, trying to make me laugh, wearing MY shoes and handing toys to the baby. DH is not coming home until midnight tonight so thank goodness DS at least is making me laugh now...but this is the same child that made me see stars this morning.

The bra on the outside of the shirt does me in....

--
Maybe all I really need to do is print out your list of doozies and pull it out of my pocket when I am feeling really on the edge. If that doesn't shake me out of it, probably nothing will! Gives me the giggles.

[spiralmg]

Originally Posted by allnaturalmama

What is your family's eating preference (ie, vegan, etc)? That would help me know the parameters for making suggestions. What are you currently eating for breakfast?

We are kind of vegan except we eat meat and eggs, if that makes any sense. I only eat organic unless it's unavoidable not to), and we eat a lot of raw foods too. Right now due to DS's dr.s orders we are not eating any cow's milk and wheat (we eat goat yogurt, I drink goat milk, soy milk and grain milks). The only sugar I really eat is in the chai I make in the morning and I have thought of cutting that out.

What exactly is the issue with DS at breakfast? Is he pokey? picky? both?

He just doesn't want to take the time to eat. When he wakes up he wants to nurse and I really don't want to do that, especially then, so I offer him milk at first. When I make him sit down at the table, he will eat, and eats a lot. But it is such a struggle to get him there. Plus, while I am sitting next to him, often holding the baby, he keeps putting his feet on me. Don't know why, but that is the straw that breaks the camels back. It makes me crazy angry; want to throw him out the window (not that I EVER do that of course).

Any thoughts as to why you're so tired in the am? Are you getting to bed early enough? Not getting enough protein? Could your liver or thyroid be sluggish? Or is it just truly that you aren't a morning person, even on a perfect diet/rest/health regimen?

All of the above? Probalby I am not getting enough protein. Right after DD was born I think I was eating better than now. Also I actually am working on a liver deficiency issue with my TCM dr. She gave me some herbs to take which have helped. Of course now, a week ago, I burned the herbs while making them which ruined my special teapot and who knows when I will be able to go get a new one. So until then...

I really struggled with grumpiness in the AM last fall, actually. I just wanted to sleep in, and the kids drove me nuts in the morning. My foul mood in the beginning of the day ruined the entire day, because we started on the wrong foot.

THIS SOUNDS LIKE ME EXACTLY.: IF ONLY I had time for a walk first....I will try to do the mental image.You know, often I do okay for the first hour or so. But then my composure just slips away from me and then all is lost.After we are outside awhile it gets better. By the end of the day, I'm exhausted but just deal so much better and more clearly with it all.

[perditafoster]

No flames here, this is the best I've been able to do lately...Ivy has viral bronchiolitis for the fourth time, or maybe third, I can't remember. Anyway, she wakes up every 45 minutes to hour and a half or so all night long. To say that I am crazy in the morning is putting it lightly! Anyway, here's what I've been doing to just survive. This is not maintenance, nor do I intend to do it forever. This is just what helps me when we are in a family crisis, like now.

1) Make coffee the night before and program it to start brewing 30 mins before I think Bridget will get up. Nothing like the smell of coffee to help me get out of bed.

2) Have string cheese, cut up fruit, a bagel, or something that Bridget can get for herself out of the refrig all ready to go. That way, when she comes storming in my room wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to early, I just say, "Go get _______ to eat out of the fridge. Mommy will be right there." This accomplishes two goals: makes her feel like a big girl and it gives me just a few more seconds to get my exhausted butt out of bed.

3) Turn on the TV for a pre-determined amount of time, usually 15 minutes. I know, evil TV, but in the mornings, I am desperate to avoid the insanity of a toddler and a sick infant at the same time, and TV is the only thing I can do sometimes. When Ivy isn't sick, the TV is never on. Period. But when I have already given her two breathing treatments in the night, nursed her 7 or 8 times, and she's already up and screaming, I do whatever it takes to not sell both my children on ebay

So my advice is, maybe just manage until your baby gets a little older and your toddler gets into another stage? Good luck and you're not alone! I'm having a great morning right now, btw. It's Saturday and dh is napping with Bridget and Ivy is asleep! Yeah for mommy time

[amygoforth]

Originally Posted by perditafoster

Turn on the TV for a pre-determined amount of time, usually 15 minutes. I know, evil TV, but in the mornings, I am desperate to avoid the insanity of a toddler and a sick infant at the same time, and TV is the only thing I can do sometimes.

I think I'm gonna stop calling the TV evil. It is a total saviour sometimes. I'll shamelessly bribe Evan w/ it... as in, "Let's get your clothes on then you can go watch Cinderella!" Or Harry Potter (he LOVES Dobby). Or whatever DH brought home from the library. I do feel like an icky mommy sometimes for doing it, but it hasn't stopped me. It works.

[IncaMama]

pft. i have never once thought that TV was evil. sure, if i'm plopping my ass in front of it all day long that's an issue. but really, less because of the TV being there and more because i'm sitting on my ass all day. it would be just as bad for me to be staring at a blank wall, lifeless and listless all day. ok, if the wall also had commercials. :

but yeah, use modern conveniences as tools, not crutches, and i think you're golden.

[Spark]

Sending you love.

[allnaturalmama]

Originally Posted by spiralmg

He just doesn't want to take the time to eat. When he wakes up he wants to nurse and I really don't want to do that, especially then, so I offer him milk at first. When I make him sit down at the table, he will eat, and eats a lot. But it is such a struggle to get him there. Plus, while I am sitting next to him, often holding the baby, he keeps putting his feet on me. Don't know why, but that is the straw that breaks the camels back. It makes me crazy angry; want to throw him out the window (not that I EVER do that of course)..

LOL, DH and I actually have a stupid little song that we sing "The wiiiiindow, the wiiiiindow, I'll throw him/her out the wiiiindow...." when the kids are pushing us to the limits. Believe it or not, it does help to lighten our spirits. I have a theory that the Rock-a-bye-baby lullaby is based on this principle, too

OK, so what can you do to change that drag-him-to-the-table dynamic? Is there some other food that he would just come running for (other than bm, lol!)? Could you let him "decorate" his oatmeal with a happy face with dried fruit or something, maybe do a parade to special music, with him marching his "artwork" to the table? Just throwing out ideas here...

Oh, and it ABSOLUTELY gives me the heebie-jeebies when either of my kids put their feet on me. DS always wants to do that while we're HSing, and it just makes my skin crawl. I used to snap at him to get them off, and realized that wasn't really how I was wanting to communicate with him. Can you tell D that you guys are going to invent a new code language, come up with some physical symbol like tugging on your ear, and tell him that means "put your feet down" or something like that?

Originally Posted by spiralmg

Probalby I am not getting enough protein. Right after DD was born I think I was eating better than now. Also I actually am working on a liver deficiency issue with my TCM dr. She gave me some herbs to take which have helped. Of course now, a week ago, I burned the herbs while making them which ruined my special teapot and who knows when I will be able to go get a new one. So until then... .

OK, Linda, get it in gear here and put your health at the top of your priority list. I know how easy it is to let it slide, trust me I do, but you've got to get on top of it, or it'll contaminate every area of your life. Up the protein, get the new teapot (hug, I'm sorry it was ruined), and take care of yourself, mama!

Originally Posted by spiralmg

THIS SOUNDS LIKE ME EXACTLY.: IF ONLY I had time for a walk first....I will try to do the mental image.You know, often I do okay for the first hour or so. But then my composure just slips away from me and then all is lost.After we are outside awhile it gets better. By the end of the day, I'm exhausted but just deal so much better and more clearly with it all.

I was wondering, now that schools are getting out for summer, would there be a little girl in your building or nearby who might be willing to come over in the mornings as a mother's helper? I did this after DD was born, and it was a huge lifesaver. I'm thinking she could come for maybe like 3 hours 7-10, and love on K for you while you deal with D, maybe fold laundry, find that shoe that's always missing, etc. I'll bet even one or two days a week would make a huge impact on your disposition...

Since you'll be home, it's not like she has to be old enough to be trusted alone with the children. Just someone who would like cooing at a baby while baby's mama takes care of big bro, or even vice versa.

Oh, and I do agree with perditafoster

Originally Posted by perditafoster

So my advice is, maybe just manage until your baby gets a little older and your toddler gets into another stage?

While we're going through it, it often feels like we're in the depths of despair, and there's no end in sight. But as I'm sure you know by now, each of these seasons of our children's lives are soooo shortlived. Try to remember, "this too shall pass."

Love ya!