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Bad mama day confessions: the guilt thread - Page 7

post #121 of 222
I love this thread, and I love all of you mamas for being unafraid to step up and make your "confessions".

My big one right now is the diaper issue . . . we started out using sposies because DD was so tiny that even the preemie dipes wouldn't fit her; I couldn't imagine putting her in cloth!

Eventually I started up the diaper service that my MIL had bought for us before DD was born . . . and although I had been 100% committed to cloth diapering beforehand, I absolutely HATED the diaper service diapers!

Currently we are trying to find someone to purchase the diaper service that is left, and we are using sposies again . . . I am planning on using the proceeds from the service sale to purchase pocket diapers so that we can do the laundry ourselves (I bought a few preemie-sized Fuzzi Bunz and loved them, but DD has outgrown them now).
post #122 of 222
You know what? Being a good mom doesn't have a whole lot to do with WHAT you do with your child, but more HOW you do it. I don't mean this in an extreme way. Of course we do what we feel is best for each child.

I good friend of mine circ's her boys, vaxes, lets them watch TV a LOT, smokes (not around the kids) and didn't breastfeed. BUT she's a GREAT mom. She really is. She loves her kids and does what she knows to be best, as much as she can. I know another mom, as crunchy as can be, all organic vegetarian, cloth dipes, no TV,...and so judgmental and untrusting of others that I can't stand to be around her.
post #123 of 222
Very well said, Mummy Marja!!
post #124 of 222
Seconded on the well put words, Mummy Marja.

Uh... I didn't even know what baby buckets were till this thread. Haha. I don't feel guilty about using all the contraptions around the house. The important thing is to take care of the babe when they need it and give them interaction, right?

I do feel guilty for some things. I'm learning to be a mom with my 2 mo old... so, I feel guilty about the times I've bumped his head walking down the stairs, on wall corners, while trying to clean in the kitchen in a sling (not a good idea for me), while putting him down on his playmat. I feel a little guilty for the sound coming from the TV while we watched the uh... monster channel. Not doing that anymore. I feel guilty that I didn't go to the breastfeeding class I signed up for. (I had no clue what to do when he got here.) And I feel guilty for being a hormonal wreck the first week my mom stayed with us and tried to help us out. I was pretty bitchy to her.

Wow that feels a lot better.
post #125 of 222
I honestly believe that most people think about hurting other people in general (not just babies) and wouldn't normally admit it. Those crazy thoughts of smashing someone's face in or throwing your baby... (geez, that sounds so harsh!! ) but I think it's extremely normal. And what makes us different from those that DO do it, is that all we are doing is THINKING it... It takes us "supermoms" to have the patience we do. Thank you for starting this thread.

And my next confession is that I nak waaaaaay too much... What can I say? THIS is my social life!


edit: this was in response to the "shaking babies" posts
post #126 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovemy2ds
: me too
me too...
post #127 of 222
i love this thread too it makes me feel human... sometimes when dd 7 months pees i wait a little while too change her because i feel lazy (it doesnt seem to bug her tho). once i needed to use the computer for a few minutes but dd was fussy so i put one of those toy stereo recorders with a microphone next to my dd and talked into the microphone so she would think i was playing with her
post #128 of 222
I whacked my DS one and threw (not literally) him out the front door because he pushed his older sister off the top bunk.

And then found out he hadn't pushed her.

I think that is my very top guilty mama moment.

I am also guilty of giving 17mo DD a sippy cup of milk, a small bowl of cereal, and putting in a DVD (Pooh is her favorite) on mornings she wakes up before I've gotten my coffee.
post #129 of 222
Yep, I feel really guilty when I bop ds head on the corner or the door! It hasn'nt happened in a while...but I did step on his little foot the other day...he loves to walk, holding my hands...and my foot stepped on his the other day....I hate when I do something that hurts him!!!!
post #130 of 222
yesterday i was typing up a post, and dd was crawling around what I thought was a pretty baby proofed area...

I heard a jingling and thought she was pulling on the Jolly Jumper, so I ignored it, and when I finally got up to play with her 2-3 minutes later I saw she was playing in a box of NAILS my dh had left by the front door :

Nothing like pulling a rusty nail out of your childs mouth to remind you what a great Mama you are!
post #131 of 222
[QUOTE=weliveintheforest]yesterday i was typing up a post, and dd was crawling around what I thought was a pretty baby proofed area...

I heard a jingling and thought she was pulling on the Jolly Jumper, so I ignored it, and when I finally got up to play with her 2-3 minutes later I saw she was playing in a box of NAILS my dh had left by the front door :

Nothing like pulling a rusty nail out of your childs mouth to remind you what a great Mama you are![/QUO

that's funny in a bad way (the way u worded it made me laugh)
post #132 of 222
My dh and I occasionally put disposables on my daughter when we want to sleep longer because they don't feel the wetness as much. Mind you they are chlorine free, chemical free, organic material ones but STILL, I feel bad.
post #133 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by hottmama
One day I locked both of my kids in a room together and yelled "you two deserve each other!" but I let them out after a minute of crying on their part and breathing on mine.
This totally had me :

I have often dreamt of doing such a thing. I feel ya mama.
post #134 of 222
Sometimes I am so tired I can't change DD in the middle of the night even though I know she needs it.
post #135 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by weliveintheforest
yesterday i was typing up a post, and dd was crawling around what I thought was a pretty baby proofed area...

I heard a jingling and thought she was pulling on the Jolly Jumper, so I ignored it, and when I finally got up to play with her 2-3 minutes later I saw she was playing in a box of NAILS my dh had left by the front door :

Nothing like pulling a rusty nail out of your childs mouth to remind you what a great Mama you are!
Two days ago i was reading this thread, and the laptop switched to battery power, and I saw that DD had crawled over and unplugged the whole thing. That was pretty bad.
post #136 of 222

You'll all feel a lot better about yourselves after reading this.

1. Was originally giving my son to my husband (we were separated when he was conceived, it was planned).
2. Hated being pregnant. Every minute. Drank the occasional glass of wine, ate salmon, tuna, unripened cheese, and tons of sugar. Gained almost 100lbs.
3. Wimped out on my UC and went to the hospital (story in the unassisted forum...'Alas, not a UC. But darn close.').
4. Went psycho when I brought my son home and told my poor dad and grandma a bunch of ugly stuff I won't dare repeat.
5. Refused to hold him for most of his first two weeks.
6. Wished I never had him several times in his first two weeks.
7. Got talked into using disposables which I sometimes don't change in a timely manner in the morning when I'm trying to catch up on sleep.
8. Never taken him out by myself. Afraid of him crying and embarrassing me.
9. Take advantage of his thus far mellow and independent nature and don't hold or interact with him as much as I should.
10. Wake my husband up in the middle of the night to change his diaper when the poor guy works 2 jobs and hasn't slept in days.
11. Let my husband take him out without me, with no breastmilk (hasn't been a problem so far, but I know it's a bad idea).
12. Have many days when I miss my old life. A lot. In fact, I'm almost positive if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't. I'd of had Ryo much later in life, if at all. There are many things I'll never do now because of the timing.
13. Pick at his cradle cap that has spread to his cheeks.
14. Spend most of our time in our room with the door closed, the computer/tv on, and him laying on the bed.

I think I win hands down for things to feel guilty about, so don't feel too bad ladies.
post #137 of 222
I'm so sorry about this. Your post makes me sad but at the same time I can understand because there were many times at the beginning of motherhood when I felt many of the same things. This is a VERY rough time. I think you should talk to somebody who knows. I saw a wonderful naturopath/therapist and she helped me change my life.
post #138 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by mummy marja
I'm so sorry about this. Your post makes me sad but at the same time I can understand because there were many times at the beginning of motherhood when I felt many of the same things. This is a VERY rough time. I think you should talk to somebody who knows. I saw a wonderful naturopath/therapist and she helped me change my life.
Not to derail the thread, but we're looking into naturopathic care for Evan, our family physician is a friggin idiot, and I'm not happy with the healthcare he's gotten since we've had him. Who did you see? Someone in Sudbury? I'd love a good reccomendation if you don't mind.
post #139 of 222
There are a lot of things that I am doing differently with my daughter who is my second child. My son was a pretty mellow baby and I only had him and a an apartment to worry about. Now I have a 21mo old and a 3 mo old and a whole house to take care of and my daughter is a CRIER. I can be holding her or have her in the sling and she will fuss. In order to preserve my sanity I put her down a lot and broke down and got her a pacifier(which she likes) just for a little peace sometimes. ( Or to clean)If I don't have any breastmilk frozen I will have dh give her formula when I go out or have some drinks-which I am doing a lot more this time around. ( I am NOT guilty about that)I guess what I feel the most guilt about is that it took me so long to feel real rushes of love and connection with her. I felt overwhelmed and depressed alot and I wish I could take that back-she has to feel it in some way.... Also I have slapped my son's hand a few times in the past couple weeks which I vowed only to do when he touched the stove I have yelled at him a couple times and hate the look of fear on his beautiful, pure little face. God I could cry right now thinking about it. BUT I know i am a wonderful mom- most of us are-and we are humans who make lots of mistakes. We will all feel overwhelmed once in a while(or a lot) and act without thinking. Oh yeah and my cat gets affection from me maybe 3 times a month and my dh gets next to nothing.
post #140 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by cjuniverse
1. Was originally giving my son to my husband (we were separated when he was conceived, it was planned).
2. Hated being pregnant. Every minute. Drank the occasional glass of wine, ate salmon, tuna, unripened cheese, and tons of sugar. Gained almost 100lbs.
3. Wimped out on my UC and went to the hospital (story in the unassisted forum...'Alas, not a UC. But darn close.').
4. Went psycho when I brought my son home and told my poor dad and grandma a bunch of ugly stuff I won't dare repeat.
5. Refused to hold him for most of his first two weeks.
6. Wished I never had him several times in his first two weeks.
7. Got talked into using disposables which I sometimes don't change in a timely manner in the morning when I'm trying to catch up on sleep.
8. Never taken him out by myself. Afraid of him crying and embarrassing me.
9. Take advantage of his thus far mellow and independent nature and don't hold or interact with him as much as I should.
10. Wake my husband up in the middle of the night to change his diaper when the poor guy works 2 jobs and hasn't slept in days.
11. Let my husband take him out without me, with no breastmilk (hasn't been a problem so far, but I know it's a bad idea).
12. Have many days when I miss my old life. A lot. In fact, I'm almost positive if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't. I'd of had Ryo much later in life, if at all. There are many things I'll never do now because of the timing.
13. Pick at his cradle cap that has spread to his cheeks.
14. Spend most of our time in our room with the door closed, the computer/tv on, and him laying on the bed.

I think I win hands down for things to feel guilty about, so don't feel too bad ladies.

have you considered going to see a therapist? i went through a lot of issues because of my life situation when DS was born and your post sounds like something i could have written a few months ago when things were really bad. depression sucks and you deserve to feel good about yourself and about your son.
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