How do Dads feel about being in the delivery room? - Page 3

[ShaggyDaddy]

I have to admit, after seeing a birth video, I was a little squeemish about sex.

My son was born in our bathtub and I was there the whole time, I felt his head before he crowned, I watched him being born and I am so happy I did. It was awesome. I was her "enforcer" with the midwifes and I was the only one she would talk to. We prepared extensivly for her birth experience together, and that really got me in the right mindset of "Support" rather than "Fix"

[Meg_s]

I had my birth at home, DH wanted to be there with me but I was sure beforehand that I would not want him (or anyone else) around. I ended up sending the midwives out and having him kneel beside me... He was thrilled to be there for me (taking orders haha). Because we were kneeling side by side he didn't watch my vagina as the baby shot out, yes he shot out onto the floor and he was glad. He said any more detail than what he witnessed would have been on the level of "medical education" and not necessary.

[Tata]

Delivery room? No. Home? Yes. Both our daughters were born at home. I held them both soon after birth. The second I half caught. If we had to go to a delivery room I'd be there to make sure everything went as Mama wished. Birth is definately an experience I wouldn't want to miss!

[SurfDaddy]

I wouldn't have missed it for the world...watching that little person pop out of there was something...didn't think it was so elastic...scared the hell out of me, a little...the midwife wanted me to cut the cord...it seemed a little cleche...so I politely declined...she pressed that 'All father's do it'...I politely replied 'I am not all father's'...I just wanted to hold her...

[lovinmy2redheads]

My husband, who is a wonderful husband and father is one of those- "I'd rather not be there" kind of men. I don't know why. And it hasn't gotten any better after 2 babies. Baby #1- he almost passed out- Baby #2 was an accidental homebirth and he saw way more than he wanted to (I needed him to check if he could see the head, etc). He is begging me not to make him be there when the next one is born. I don't know- I guess if he can get me to the 10 cm point I might be okay with him leaving during delivery. Part of being a good spouse is seeing things from both perspectives I think.

[Snowdrift]

I'm not gonna see my DH for a week almost ( ) so I'm gonna reply for him. He was not interested in spending much time with me during labor/birth, although he was there for the actual birth.

We both came across Michael Odent's writing during our research processes and found that his words rang true for us.

This worked out great and we are both happy with our decision and will probably do the same thing next time.

FWIW, DH felt much more useful not trying to be labor support--which he would have been not-so-good at (I needed a lot fo massage and coutnerpressure and he is not good at that). Instead he kept foods prepared for me the way i like them. I can be picky and in labor was *very* picky. He boiled water (I'm not kidding. We have a small-ish water heater and a large tub and I spent a lot fo time in it. He was boiling water all day). And he kept in touch for me with a friend ofr mine and his mom, bith of whom I wanted to keep apprised of what was going on, neither of whom I wnated to talk to.

[Brazilianmommy]

My DH was with me all the time in the labor and in the actual birth he hold my hand all the time:

[daddy2asweetpea]

My DW gave birth in a birth cottage and a birthing stool. i held her close as she push and gave birth to our DD experience of my life. I was a little queasy about it at first but i was soon over it. Tell him to suck it up and get in there. Because if he doesn't he'll miss the best experience of his life. Promise.

[limabean]

I think if my DH talked about the possibility of choosing not to be in the delivery room I think I'd jokingly say, "Good idea! I think maybe I'll skip it too." I mean, for crying out loud, the mama doesn't have a choice, as much as a moment might come where she thinks, "Get me out of here! I can't do this! I'm not ready!"

Luckily, I'm married to a man who counts the birth of our son as the most amazing moment of his life and wouldn't dream of being anywhere else during future births. And I couldn't believe how much I relied on him during labor -- he was a huge support, and got me through those really difficult moments where I just wanted to run away.

I'm glad you and your fiance have improved your communication about this matter -- the best of luck to you and your expanding family!

[NewCrunchyDaddy]

We had planned a home-water birth, but ended up having an emergency-transfer/emergency-C-Section and the doctor who perfomed it was a royal f-head. DW was out of it, due to that "modern marvel" anesthesia :, so I was glad that I was there (not that I would have missed it), but with DW out cold : and the MD a f-head, someone had to protect DS from the knives and needles and whatnot. So, I was glad I was in the delivery/surgery room and I have to say if anything, being present at the birth has made me love DW all the more, and has made her all the more sexier in my eyes.

[CrazyCatLady]

My husband would rather not be at the births. He thinks birth is best left to the experts (woman) and I don't really disagree with him about that. But he did end up being there both times. First time I could have done with out him (he was distant, cranky, and useless). Second time, having him there helped me a lot.

[everettdaddy]

Originally Posted by SaraBravo

this is directed to any dads out there.

how did you feel about being in the room when your wife/gf/significant other was giving birth to your child?
my fiance says that he doesnt want to be in the room because he is afraid that it will "mess him up sexually". how do we get around that, because i really do need him to be with me to support me? can we get beyond that feeling? how normal is it? i mean im not asking him to watch it actually come out or anything i just need him to encourage me, hold my hand,etc.

plz, any suggestions will help.

- a desparate 1st time mom

I was in the room when we had Wyatt, and it was amazing. The only person that was worried about there being negative effects was my fiancee. I was happier than i ever been, to be able to be there for her, and there to see the miracle of birth. I had only seen it on t.v. and let me tell you.. it is totally different. I thought I would be grossed out, but i was "In the moment" that It was just, umm.. for lack of a better word, Beautiful.

[Mr.Hoppes]

I Will Not Step Foot In A Delivery Room Period !

OK..
we are doing home birth...
I delivered our DD 20 mos. ago and will be delivering our next DD in approximately 3.5 weeks. I CAN'T WAIT !

I love delivering babies:

I won't go into a large part of why I hate hospital birth,, but if an emergency arrives we will go to a hospital. JUST N O T the one that delivered our first child, DS now 4 .5 yrs old.

And we'd better not get too much grief over doing it at home from the hospital or I will have a canary !



The following is a personal rant please do not hate me it's just how I feel ...
.




BTW as far as I am concerned the "it'll screw up sex" line is just that. Especially in this case because he hasn't done it yet. Besides if it were true there would be alot more one child families.

[NewCrunchyDaddy]

Originally Posted by Mr.Hoppes

BTW as far as I am concerned the "it'll screw up sex" line is just that. Especially in this case because he hasn't done it yet. Besides if it were true there would be alot more one child families.

[L'lyn'sDad]

I was with my GF for the labour and eventual C-section of our little girl. It was a great experience. I recommend every Father do it. I will warn that I saw a lot more of my GF that we were expecting. I had to hold her while she needed to use the bathroom and was also in labour. Later in the OR I saw her open incision which to my surprise was really neat.

Now if your boyfriend has reservations (I have read in one book about some men having issues sexually after witnessing the birth of their child or simply knowing their woman has given birth) the two of you should talk about it, let him feel comfortable being open, and then talk together to your health care provider.

[muckemom]

(muckemom's Dh here, she'll edit with those weird initial acronym things)

First off, you're gonna feel overwhelmed. You're gonna feel scared, you're gonna feel excited. You're gonna be worried, mostly about what your DP is going through. But what sets it apart from every other "momentous occasion" is that your instincts almost instantly turn from husband, lover to father. So, what I'm saying is, during the labor I went from looking at DW as a sexual being, MY sexual being, to being a mother, albeit a sensual being, but not at all sexualized. Before the labor, I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to look at DW the same way again. I was afraid I would lose my sexual attraction because we were "parents" now.

I wouldn't trade being in the delivery room for anything in the world. DW's mother was there, as well as our doula, in case 1.) I couldn't cope and 2.) she didn't want me around... as the mommy it is HER CALL.... basically your DP will regret it for ever if he is not in the room.

Afterwards, it hasn't at all, hindered DW and I's intimate relationship. I think your mind tends compartmentalize the birthing of your child and the amorous feelings for your spouse.

[NaturalDad]

I was at two births with my DW. One was a c-sec where I watched the whole thing from about 8 ft away since she was under general anesthesia. I didn't really get a lot of good birth visuals at that one. For our next child, we had a homebirth with a midwife. I was there for the entire thing and my DD even got to come into the room and touch the head while her baby brother was crowning. This was one of the coolest experiences of my life. I think it is important to take the whole birth experience as it comes especially for the father. If he just focuses on the part that is scary for him he is going to undermine the whole experience. I mean, would you cancel your dream vacation to the bahamas because someone told you they thought they saw a shark in the water?

I don't think of birth as a sexual thing. I don't think you or your fiance have anything to worry about as far as getting in the mood later. Don't worry, he's a man and will come back for more

[Autumn Breeze]

I love reading you dads, your all amazing.

I'm not a dad, but from my dh. We've discussed this before.

The birth of my son, it was not a "normal" birth. My husband watched him crown, watched the CNM place the vacum extractor, missed them cutting the episiotomy (thankfully for both of us) and watched while I pushed, and they pulled.

He also saw the birth of the placenta.

It did not "screw up our sex life". But he hated seeing the placenta. That was the one part he wished he hadn't seen.

When I mentioned (when our ds was about 5 months old) that I loved the idea of him not only being present at the birth, but of him being the one to catch our next baby. He didn't wince, or squirm, he said he'd think about it.

When I got pregnant with our daughter, I asked him again if he would like to catch our new baby. And he did, he had been thinking about it for nearly 4 years, and it was important to him to catch the baby, being "the first one to touch our daughter" was the greatest thought to him.

When it came down to it, it was either him or I (unplanned unassisted birth) and I touched her head as she crowned, and he did the rest of the catching. And they are SO bonded it's amazing, it's beautiful.

And our "sex life" is as good as it was back when we were first married

[NewCrunchyDaddy]

Originally Posted by AutumnBreeze

He also saw the birth of the placenta.

But he hated seeing the placenta. That was the one part he wished he hadn't seen.

That's the one thing I missed that I wished I had seen. DS was a home-emergency-transfer to the hospital that FUBAR'd into a CSec, so I was off with DS making sure he was OK and missed all the after birth stuff - though I did get to see all the cool layers in my wife's abdominal region.

I know. I'm weird.

[Autumn Breeze]

I still have my placenta in the freezer. I've been dying to examine it myself!! If you'd like to come over I can thaw it out

My midwife did bring it in to my bedroom to show me the size, the cord placement, and the little hole in the membranes where dd came through. But she was born at 3:33, and she was showing me the placenta at like 7:00 I was very tired! They left at 7:30, and it was already in the freezer.