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How do Dads feel about being in the delivery room? - Page 4

post #61 of 101
11/20/06 at 1:11pm
We home-birth.

I've "caught" the last 3 kiddos. She birthed in our family room twice and the bedroom twice.

I'm very much in favor of the husband/father attending the birth. Who else knows the best way to calm the birthing mother than her attentive husband? Who best to provide security and gentleness when she most needs it? Who else could possibly be better at lovingly encouraging and supporting her?

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post #62 of 101
11/20/06 at 6:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vellorian View Post
We home-birth.

I've "caught" the last 3 kiddos. She birthed in our family room twice and the bedroom twice.

I'm very much in favor of the husband/father attending the birth. Who else knows the best way to calm the birthing mother than her attentive husband? Who best to provide security and gentleness when she most needs it? Who else could possibly be better at lovingly encouraging and supporting her?
post #63 of 101
11/27/06 at 4:51pm
Thread Starter 

UpDate

well i was the one that posted this thread in the first place. i can't bleive how many people responded. thank you so much for all of your support. well guess what! he was there for the whole thing!
i ended up being in atlanta for about 5 and a half weeks before he came up. i started having contractions sunday night and went to the doctor. they sent me home monday morning and dh left that same morning. my contractions started up that night again and we went to the hospital at 3 in the morning tuesday. my water broke at 8 am (naturally). the labor was long and hard. i ended up needing pitocin. i had a little bit of drugs but by the time it was time to push the drug had worn off. i got in the water around 8pm somthing and started pushing around 10 30. i had to get out at 12 45 because i was having too much trouble getting her head out. i got on the bed and she was born at 1 05 am wednesday. 22 hrs of laboring in the hospital. my contractions had started around 9 pm monday night. so it was long and hard. he was there for the whole thing he feed me ice chips. held me duing my contractions. rubed my back. and left me alone. he was quiet when everyone else wouldn;t shut the hell up . that actually was one of the best things he did for me! he help pull my legs back and supported my neck and back as i pushed. the most wonderful thing was that he watched her crown and come out. it was amazing. i didn't have to ask. i just let him know it was important to me for him to be there but he could do what ever he wanted and i wouldn't hold it against him. and he was there for the whole thing. now he says that he's so gald that he was there. he talks about it all the time. he even told his other friends ( the ones with out children that told him he didn't have to be in there) how amazing and beautiful it was. i should have had more faith in him. we are now a whole and loving family.
if you want to see pics just got to my site. she is beautiful. her name is desiree lee fields
http://www.myspace.com/bravo86
post #64 of 101
12/1/06 at 8:15pm
Yeah!!! Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful daughter! Congratulations on the growth of your family and your relationship! Congratulations everywhere! Both of you, enjoy your babymoon!
post #65 of 101
12/8/06 at 1:43pm
My partner never wanted to go to the hospital- he is the type that thinks birth is natural and not a medical moment (in most cases). He didnt even want us to have MWs. We self transported with DD#1 he felt left out- like he was not important in the birth process. With DD#2 he was active until the MWs got there and then they kind had him standing on the side. Both cases he would have rather it been just him and I in another room alone. He has never said he was worried about his feeling of a sex life after seeing a birth. I guess to him it is just a really natural part of life. And he says it is the one single thing in this world that means the most to us- no one ever could be as in the moment as him and I at- it is a very sacred family event.
post #66 of 101
12/8/06 at 3:24pm
After having my hubby with me I can tell you that the joy, amazement and absolute respect for you that partners feel overwhelm any feelings of being "messed up sexually". My hubby is easily grossed out/turned off and after our birth experience (twin birth, vacuum extraction in an OR after hours of difficult labor in a birth center where he helped me to the bathroom and witnessed me defecating, peeing, vomiting) HE's the one who wants sex all the time and I'M the one who's turned off!

Congrats to your family. It's always wonderful when the men in our lives surprise us by being more wonderful than we knew they could be.
post #67 of 101
12/10/06 at 8:25am
CONGRATULATIONS! SO glad he was there with you. Your baby is beautiful!
post #68 of 101
12/14/06 at 8:49pm
Deleted
post #69 of 101
12/15/06 at 2:41am
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGlimmering View Post
That's interesting, we had a planned unassisted homebirth and my husband did everything but the pushing. In the thick of things I lost my modesty, bent over the side of the tub with my bits in the air and presumably gave him the sort of view such men dread. Not only did he catch her, he was eager to sleep with me the same night. Odd from my perspective since I'd spent my life more or less emulating standard, pop culture sex appeal, only getting an inkling there was something else during pregnancy. Our daughter is the limitig factor on our sex life, not his desire. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought most mainstream porn had a more gynecological focus than the average birth experience, yet that's still considered arousing, right? (Not to my tastes, however, sex is in the head.)

TheGlimmering

Great post.

And my partner feels much like this.
I believe in his mind they're a bit separate - not disassociating them, just at one point its for intimacy - another it is for intimately bringing a life into this world.
post #70 of 101
12/19/06 at 7:21pm
My dh swore he would never be in the delivery room, but we ended up doing a homebirth and he was there the whole time (at my head, massaging my back, feeding me, etc). I think it was the bradley class we took that got him realizing that he should be there, but didn't have to watch!

Best wishes in however it works out for you.
post #71 of 101
12/19/06 at 7:55pm
I was present at the birth of both my children (one on the bathroom floor) and I can say unequivocably that the idea of my wife as a sexual being was nowhere near my head. I assume he understands that girls go poop, too. Has that ruined sex for him? If you are like my wife and choose to breastfeed on demand, cosleep and all the other wonderful opportunities being a mother opens up, he should be prepared to put aside his libido for a little while.

If my SO said something like that to me, I would have a hard time considering having sex with someone who acts like a child.

Time to have a talk about the birds and the bees.
post #72 of 101
12/20/06 at 11:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamao'two View Post
I'm not sure why we insist that men be in delivery rooms. Its really a women's world in there. Men don't and really can't ever understand birth. Most men have a fix it attitude and birth can't be fixed (at least not without potentially creating new problems).
Sorry...but I have to take exception with this. Traditionally, yes, it's been a "woman's world." But to say that we don't and can't understand is, IMHO, a fallacy perpetuated by sexist stereotypes.

I was present (in fact, you could say I was the doula ) for the entire birth of my DD and never once thought that something needed to be "fixed." It's a matter of education. Men (and their SO's) need to take the initiative in being educated and not accept the macho stereotype that society attempts to force on them!

But I agree with everything else you said!
post #73 of 101
12/22/06 at 8:54pm
I just wanted to add that my DH was my rock. He beat the crap out of my back for my 2 posterior babies (back labor BIG TIME)...he knew when to be quiet, he knew when to look me in the face and tell me what I good job I was doing, he listened, he was okay just sitting, he was okay working hard with me. The partnership we came out of our births with is just amazing. I can't imagine sharing that with anyone else (much less a stranger!). We had an unintentional UC with DS#2 (came quicker than expected!!) and we really loved it just being us. He is the one person in the world I feel most comfortable with and completely 'unselfconcious'. He is offended by the thought that a DR can do it better than he can and that my body is somehow 'incapable'. Seeing what I/my body can do has only heightened his love for me. And vice versa! (what a bonding experience!!) I can't imagine the hurt I'd feel if he ever said the hard work I was about to do/had just done made him think about me in a less sexual way. I'm really glad your SO ended up 'manning up' and being there for you when the baby was born. It really does make a difference.
post #74 of 101
12/22/06 at 9:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnBreeze View Post
I still have my placenta in the freezer. I've been dying to examine it myself!! If you'd like to come over I can thaw it out

My midwife did bring it in to my bedroom to show me the size, the cord placement, and the little hole in the membranes where dd came through. But she was born at 3:33, and she was showing me the placenta at like 7:00 I was very tired! They left at 7:30, and it was already in the freezer.
hehehe... m's placenta is still in my parents' freezer because we didn't have room to store it. hopefully we can plant it this spring, finally.
we also kept a hunk of his cord: he came out with a true knot, gotta save that!
post #75 of 101
2/26/07 at 5:45pm
Wow, have to say I am surprised by the number of fathers squeamish about being in the delivery room and the idea that it will affect their sexual attraction? Get over it.

My wife's delivery was bloodier than most, at least according to our midwife, but I was as my wife's side the whole time and saw the entire progression of the birth. It's an amazing life event you won't see often and, honestly, vaginas look so incredibly different in labor that I don't think I will confuse the dilated images with the healed and undilated. You know what creeped me out the most? Her pooping! That, at least, has an unpleasant smell.

She required stitches and while that was going on the midwife told me that I "probably didn't want to look". I didn't, but mostly because I thought the midwife would think it was rude or weird. I was truely curious but decided my focus should be on my wife's and baby's faces.

Basically I went into the delivery room fully aware that there was going to be poop, pee, vomit, and blood and that my wife would never be exactly the same down there. But bodies heal, the vagina is an amazing organ, and everyone says that women who have given birth are even more sensual and fulfilling than before!
post #76 of 101
7/25/07 at 12:09am

Daddy at birth

Sea Gal (my wife) had a hb for dd. I caught. It was great! Personally, it didn't negatively affect the way I look at my wife. I think that she has become even more beautiful and sexy than prior to our daughter's birth. Nobody ever told me about that... it was perhaps one of the most pleasant surprises after dd came along.

Bodies change, it is a fact of life. It is a wonderful fact of life. Seeing her vagina do what it was made to do is amazing (both things it was made to do). Our daughter's entrance through there was beautiful, and didn't mess up the way I look sexually at my sweetheart.

Really, most of my fears of what would happen at birth were not realized. Scary things happened, the midwives took care of what they needed to. I think that after actually having the experience, I look at attending birth very differently than prior to having done so.

Not traumatic. Beautiful.
post #77 of 101
7/27/07 at 9:49pm
(I'm posting with my wife knowing, under her name)
Anyways, coming from a dad who was scared about being in the delivery room also; I AM SO GLAD I DID! to be the first one to see that little bundle of joy is amazing. Here is a little about myself, I am from a small little town (pop. 2100) I grew up on a farm raised by a set of very old fashion parents, I did time in the military and now is a police officer; needless to say I was one who was far from the of natual child birth thing, I was raised thinking the mom gave birth in a hospital and the father stayed in the waiting room with a cigar and was told by the doctor what the sex was. When my wife told me she wanted me in with her during birth I said oh NO never going to happen! She asked me why, I told her honestly, it was gross and I only want to see her in a attractive way (if you know what I mean) well after many talks (MANY!) she convinced me to be there. Well by my personal experience when my little guy was born, never once did I think anything was gross or weird, actually it was amazing. I was next to my wife the whole time and even helped out the midwife during the long hours of contractions (I was the leg holder). My first advice to you with talking to him is- tell him to suck it up and deal with it! like I learned birthing is mainly for the Mom and the dad is there for support, and the dads presence is VERY important, and that he should be thinking of someone other then himself at that time.
My main advice for you, tell him there are a lot of MILFS in the world and birthing will not mess up his mind (sexually) I promiss.

Good luck, hopefully he will be there, it will suck for him to miss it.

also...I have gone from being sceptical about even being in the same room at the hospital, to now being an excited part of planning our next..as a home birth!! Man how things change!!
post #78 of 101
7/28/07 at 12:06am
I know your insurance isn't accepted at the birth center, but would it be more expensive to pay for both of the airline tickets and the time off from work OR just pay for the birth with cash at the birth center you want to be at? Our birth center birth was $1400 total, so totally doable (compared to 2 tickets and time off from work).
Just a thought,
Sarah*
post #79 of 101
7/28/07 at 2:32am
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenityjewell View Post
I know your insurance isn't accepted at the birth center, but would it be more expensive to pay for both of the airline tickets and the time off from work OR just pay for the birth with cash at the birth center you want to be at? Our birth center birth was $1400 total, so totally doable (compared to 2 tickets and time off from work).
Just a thought,
Sarah*
Check out post #65, from December.
post #80 of 101
8/10/07 at 11:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vellorian View Post
I'm very much in favor of the husband/father attending the birth. Who else knows the best way to calm the birthing mother than her attentive husband? Who best to provide security and gentleness when she most needs it? Who else could possibly be better at lovingly encouraging and supporting her?
:

That's exactly how I felt about having my dh at my births. Who needs a doula when you have your own husband there, someone who knows and loves you?
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