Originally Posted by kelly81
For the record, rape and murder are NOWHERE near the same content as a loss or horrible C/S. I don't know how anyone in their right mind would believe so.
Respectfully, I honestly don't believe she was saying that rape and murder were comparable to a c-section. She was demonstrating the hierarchy of bad things and how something can always be worse. So if you are raped and you try to deal with that pain, having someone say you could have been murdered so you should be grateful might feel dismissive.
That might not seem like a good comparison because some raped people wish they were dead and kill themselves afterwards. But I think in some cases women are aware they could be killed and try to preserve their life and then later feel guilty, as if they should have done more to help themselves.
People are going to have bad feelings about things that happen to them, no matter how much worse things could be. That is just human nature. I also think it is human nature when your own emotions are stretched to the breaking point that you retreat into yourself and try and recover. We will not have huge reserves of compassion in ourselves when we are so hurt ourselves--I think that is protective. I know that when I was in the open wound, my world is forever changed stage of grief, the things that had formerly moved me to tears left me dry-eyed and untouched. Eventually my capacity for empathy for more situations came back.
I don't know why a friend would feel the need to lay her sadness about having a c-section onto someone who just lost a baby and would give anything to have a c-section so she could have her child. I wouldn't be able to be around her or talk about that issue with her. I would also feel angry, like she was trying to tell me I was wrong for how I was feeling while expecting compassion for herself.
At the same time, I am not happy with the medical establishment's attitude about c-sections and how some doctors unncessarily play on the fears of parents who are trying to make an educated decision.