"I can't believe you're still pumping!..."

[sehbub]

This is the comment an acquaintance made when she saw me giving DD a bottle of breastmilk the other night. When I explained to her that we still can't nurse, so I'm pumping, she was shocked to hear that I was still pumping after 7 weeks! Apparently when her DD1 was born, she tried to nurse her twice, and babe couldn't latch correctly, so she sent her back to the nursery and asked them to give her formula. "It was just too much work. Besides, she's healthy enough. But man, it took at least 2 weeks for my milk to dry up! I can't understand why it took so long! Luckily it didn't take nearly as long with DD2." She didn't even try to nurse DD2 because she knew that it wouldn't work, since it didn't work with DD1.

Honestly, this makes me sad, more than anything else, that this mama didn't get the help she needed when DD1 was born, so she assumed she'd fail with DD2. It's just a shame that there isn't enough help to go around, especially with young mamas (I think she was 19 when DD1 was born) and first-time mamas.

Should have seen her face when I told her I was going to try and nurse with a nipple shield, so that my DD could learn to latch. "Really? Wow...that's SO much work! It's not like she would get sick or something if you gave her formula. You're going to stop soon though, right?"

[kyle98sean02]

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by sehbub

Apparently when her DD1 was born, she tried to nurse her twice, and babe couldn't latch correctly, so she sent her back to the nursery and asked them to give her formula. "It was just too much work. Besides, she's healthy enough. But man, it took at least 2 weeks for my milk to dry up! I can't understand why it took so long! Luckily it didn't take nearly as long with DD2."

It's not like she would get sick or something if you gave her formula.

Um, yea, she might. But here's probably a good translation: "I didn't make my daughter sick giving her formula, right? I'm a good enough mother, right? Why isn't what I gave my child good enough for yours? Didn't I do enough?"

So the trick is extending compassion and support and information all at the same time. Give compassion and some people think you're being soft ("she should have known better! at least for the second one!" yea but...), give information and some people think you're being cruel ("she did the best she could! formula's ok, even if it's not The Best!" yea but...). Oy.

Just very sad all around.

On a related note, GO YOU!!!! : : You rock!

[tash11]

its really sad that "its hard to learn" is a reason to not bf....

I had a hard time at first too. (still do sometimes). But I gave birth at home and didnt have a nursery to ship her off to (not that I would have anyway). I sat up all night with a frustrated crying baby who couldnt latch on. I went to the LC the next day.

[MaryJaneLouise]

Originally Posted by sehbub

Honestly, this makes me sad, more than anything else, that this mama didn't get the help she needed when DD1 was born, so she assumed she'd fail with DD2. It's just a shame that there isn't enough help to go around, especially with young mamas (I think she was 19 when DD1 was born) and first-time mamas.

: Yes I agree. The lack of support given to bfing moms is just appalling.

But I agree, it is very for us with problems to hear stuff like "it took 2 weeks to dry up !!!:

[kallieb]

Originally Posted by MaryJaneLouise

: Yes I agree. The lack of support given to bfing moms is just appalling.

But I agree, it is very for us with problems to hear stuff like "it took 2 weeks to dry up !!!:

:

[DreamsInDigital]

Ugh.

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by DreamsInDigital

Ugh.

:

[hopefulfaith]

Originally Posted by sehbub

it took at least 2 weeks for my milk to dry up! I can't understand why it took so long!

I would kill for two more weeks of breastmilk for my son.

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by hopefulfaith

I would kill for two more weeks of breastmilk for my son.

[mom2ken1cam2]

Oh...I'm feeling your pain on this one! I had a family member ask "is that all you got after all that pumping?" Say that to a momma who's pumping her brains out and still has a low supply and watch the tears flow! Some people honestly don't understand!! to you!! Keep up the good work!

[l_olive]

To heck with your friend. You're an amazing mom, doing an amazing thing for your daughter. It IS hard work, and it's more than worth it.

--Olive

[sehbub]

I've gotten that comment many times. I spend half an hour double pumping/massaging/hand pumping/warm compresses, then come downstairs triumphant with my ounce of milk, and my DH's coworker says, "That's it? Hardly seems worth it. Is that even enough to make Sam (DD) full?"

Poor DH. He wanted to smack the guy, but couldn't. Instead, he stood up and told him he'd see him at work tomorrow. Meanwhile I was upstairs bawling and cuddling my babe, apologizing to her that I couldn't feed her enough. :

[peaceful_mama]

AAAAGGHHH Stupid people!!

I did it for 6 months. Let's see, that's approximately 180 days, OK we'll say 150 because the comments didn't REALLY fly till DS was over a month old, of listening to my dad (who we lived with at the time) say things like "None of you were bf and you're fine..." or "what's wrong with formula?' or (my personal "favorite") "when can he go on regular milk?"

The thing I had to keep reminding myself of was that I'm adopted--and nobody bf adopted kids in my day, well, nobody where I live anyway. And my brothers were all born in the "formula is scientific so it's better" generation.

And I got plenty of "that's it?" type comments on amount...
They *all* suck.
I understand

[nz mummy]

Hi, i'm new here from NZ and are so grateful to have found this forum, I feel like the odd one out with my social network here, due to the beliefs I have etc...

I'm one of those first time mums who didn't have the right support in the first week, so after DD not nutritionally feeding (a term the midwives in hospital used) I pumped in desperation and have been doing it ever since. She'll be 5 mths on the 18th Jan. So in the first 5 - 6 weeks, I expressed (pumped) every 3 hrs day and night, then dropped a night express and increased the time frame to get to my 5 expresses in 24 hours. It's hard work and during the hardest times of 3hrly, day and night, i were an emotional wreck. Not only because of the lack of sleep and inexperience of being a mum, but for the lack of support and encouragement I had. DH was good, but often suggested that I gave it up because he saw how tired I were. Some family and friends had the negative comments like previously mentioned at the start of this thread and for many reasons I couldn't bring myself to stop. My supply was and still is good so I figured my body was providing me with the BM for a reason so I stuck with it and will continue to do so for as long as I can. My goal whilst pregnant was to breastfeed for atleast a year. And I intend to do this. It's hard getting out and having a normal life, but thats part of the exciting big change of motherhood - change of "normal life". I'm happy, and know that as she gets older and moves onto solids, the expressing will decrease.

We did try to relatch with LLL support but it didn't work.

[mchalehm]

I pumped for six months through a major supply problem. I still feel guilty about stopping then.

There's no right answer but people could at least TRY to support your decisions, wouldn't you think? Sigh.

[frontierpsych]

I pumped for a few weeks after my first was stillborn to try and find someone who needed donor milk (which I didn't of course, because everyone just seems to go straight to formula, plus I didn't have a computer at the time). I simply can't imagine just letting the milk dry up and going to formula. It hurt me emotionally to let my milk dry up. I knew there were babies who needed it, even if I couldn't find them.