Ignoring Kids

[tifnglen]

This is more of a vent than anything else.

I was wondering if anyone noticed how people ignore kids. WHY? I am talking about kids being seen but not heard. Only speak when spoken to. I am not saying talking back or disrespect. I remember being a child and I would get into trouble and couldnt speak my opinion. I was not trying to scream or talk back I just wanted them to see my POV. DO people think kids dont have real thought or feelings?

Thanks for listening to my vent.

[Dragonfly]

Yeah, it drives me nuts to see that. Ds is such a friendly guy and will often try to talk to people when we're out. Sometimes they just pretend like he's not even there. It's infurating.

[tifnglen]

Oh thats sad! Thats how i was treated as a child. Sometimes i got in trouble because an 'adult' told on me. And of course an adult was believed over anything, a child, could say.

[RedWine]

Yeah,I find it strange. For the most part, people smile and respond kindly to dd1, who will go up and chatter with anyone, anywhere, anytime.

Sometimes there is a, well...rude person who will glare at her when she smiles at them. I always comment on this, saying something like, "He must be having a bad day!" so dd1 knows it's nothing she did.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Originally Posted by Dragonfly

Yeah, it drives me nuts to see that. Ds is such a friendly guy and will often try to talk to people when we're out. Sometimes they just pretend like he's not even there. It's infurating.

If they are just not responding, but not being "actively" rude, I give them the benefit of the doubt that they recently encountered one of the mothers who completely freaked because a STANGER dared to speak to her child. There are lots of parents out there who assume that everyone is out to snatch their child and get very, very protective if someone gets too close. After an encounter or two like that, people may believe its better just to ignore a child than respond. Also, a child's voice can be very hard to hear, especially for older people. So it may be that they really didn't hear. Of course, they could also just be rude, but I'd rather not go through life assuming that as the first option!

[Fuamami]

Well, sometimes I ignore my own children. My dd is very talkative, and occasionally has to repeat things 4-5 times before I respond, especially if I'm in the middle of something. If it were an adult, I think they would realize that I would respond as soon as I finished looking at the different kinds of beans, or whatever, and have the patience to wait...but she doesn't and so she does get ignored sometimes.

[rmzbm]

I think this is actually one of the meanest things anyone can do. More than once I have been in the process of "hearing my child out" when someone tries to hurry me with an 'it's JUST a child' attitude. I'd really hate to think of what it would be like if something ever happened to me and as a result my speech was slower & my thoughts not always together...would it be OK to ignore me then?

[UnschoolnMa]

It's totally rude to ignore a kid, just because he's a kid. Ick. I think it's alright to want some quiet time, and to politely ask for it. But that seen and not heard thing is dreadful.

[pianojazzgirl]

My dh does this quite a bit and it infuriates me (and breaks my heart). He'll by surfing away at the computer and dd will approach him to show him something or ask him for something and he'll just ignore her - until she gets really insistent about it. I find it so rude.. and sad. When I talked to dh about it I tried to play up the whole angle of how he's teaching her that she'll only be listened to if she raises her voice, therefore making her more likely to scream about something the first time instead of asking "nicely".

Why doesn't everyone find it obvious that kids are people too!

[mamaduck]

Well, I think its a bad thing. But I am an introvert and I reach a point most days where my receptive abilities seem to just shut down. I'm not talking about hearing out their POV during a disagreement -- I'm pretty good about that. But the constant chatter -- the "thinking out loud" that goes on non-stop and doesn't really require any response -- just seems to start bouncing off me at some point in the late afternoon. Asking for space, or peace, or quiet is not really effective. It is usually met with an, "Okay mommy...." and then they dive back into their monolouge without even taking a breath. Sometimes I need to space out or I'm not going to be functional. Ocassionally I need shaking. So I am right there with you, Sarah!

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

Well, I think its a bad thing. But I am an introvert and I reach a point most days where my receptive abilities seem to just shut down. I'm not talking about hearing out their POV during a disagreement -- I'm pretty good about that. But the constant chatter -- the "thinking out loud" that goes on non-stop and doesn't really require any response -- just seems to start bouncing off me at some point in the late afternoon. Asking for space, or peace, or quiet is not really effective. It is usually met with an, "Okay mommy...." and then they dive back into their monolouge without even taking a breath. Sometimes I need to space out or I'm not going to be functional. Ocassionally I need shaking. So I am right there with you, Sarah!

Thank you Mamaduck! I have a lot of respect for mothers that can actively listen to everything their child says. My dd talks almost the entire time she's awake, and ds is starting to talk now too. I am with my children almost constantly. It's just not possible for me to not ignore them occasionally.

And I agree, I can't ask for quiet, I don't think she's really capable of stopping, nor do I want her to.

[UnschoolnMa]

I agree that the thinking out loud chatter doesn't always need a response or acknowledgement. That's cool by me. My thoughts above were about actively ignoring a child's presence, questions, POV.

[ColeysMama]

My parents did this. Well, actually they would just tell us, in not so many words, that they didn't care. I was told that as a child, I wasn't allowed to have an opinion, and what I thought didn't count.

Even now, my mom is not pleased when my opinions disagree with hers.

It really really stinks, for the kid.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

I agree that the thinking out loud chatter doesn't always need a response or acknowledgement. That's cool by me. My thoughts above were about actively ignoring a child's presence, questions, POV.

I'm right there with you, mamaduck. I think it may actually be humanly impossible for me to answer as many questions as ds asks in a day.

Also, I get lost in my imagination a lot. A whole lot, actually. So sometimes when he's talking to me, I really don't hear him. Fortunately, he seems to be able to tell the difference between that and active ignoring.