My two year old wants to smoke. - Page 2

[joesmom]

Definitely AT LEAST get up & go outside when she smokes. I feel bad for your little one, to have to breathe that in day in & day out. Truthfully, you might as well let him light up, he is basically smoking all day long anyway.

Poor kid.

[mountainskymama]

my-oh-my...

the going outside every time idea is great. my dd learned around the age of two that if she sees someone smoking or smells something "toxic" (ie the cleaner isle at the grocery store) that it is poison for our bodies and she holds her breath. she will actually ask "can i breathe now mama?"

i think it's awesome that your 2-yo wanted to save the fly from the spider, but perhaps you could talk about the cycle of life and talk about death in a positive way...like the fly is here so the spider can have food and live...and talk about all the good things spiders do...tangent, sorry. but you could relate that to the mil by talking about how when we get old our bodies die, but the better we take care of our bodies the longer we will live and the better quality of life we will have. i know that's not the complete truth (having a mom who died at the age of 54 who did take good care of herself), but it might work for a young'n. perhaps that talk with ds will cause him to have a talk with mil and she will think about quitting. kids have a way of bringing about the best in people and helping them to really think about the decisions they are making.

also, i understand it is mil's house and they are her rules and all, but what about the health of her grandson? i think she should have to go outside to continue her nasty habit, if, for no other reason, because she loves and cares for her grandson and wants him to stay healthy.

just my $.02

good luck!

[cheery]

My sympathies for you and your son. Leaving the house everytime is an excellent idea, though I recommend you keep warm while doing so. You dont want to give any indiication that you are being "unreasonable" as they say. Calmly get your shoes / coat (though now I guess these are quite optional) and leave everytime mil lights up. I wonder if it is feasible for you to spend more time out of the house like at the library or other smoke free environment? I really hope you are able to resolve this soon. s

[kayabrink]

I wanted to thank you all for your responses! I'm definitely going to go with leaving when she smokes. I think it is a reasonable inasmuch as it will protect ds, and at the same time I'm not lecturing mil. I feel hypocritical saying anything to her, because I used to smoke too. But I had a talk with ds about it, trying to make it short and simple. I'm going to prep dp also to renew his discussions with his mother. She was a little bit better when we first got here about at least going to another room- although in my opinion that provides very little protection. So, since it is 30 degrees here at least, we'll just go outside.

[joesmom]

It isn't hypocritical. It is protecting your child. You USED to smoke, but NOW you don't. If you did, you would not do it around your child. Your MIL should not even consider smoking around him. She should be the one who makes the choice to protect his lungs & his life.

My best friend & her daughter suffer from HORRIBLE asthma, they cannot be anywhere near someone who is smoking... I really, sincerely hope & pray that being around secondhand smoke as much as he already has, has not damaged your son's lungs yet. There is still time to get him out of that harmful situation...

[Joannarachel]

I honestly think you need to do everything in your human power to get that child out of that environment. Just the fact that he can get his hands on lighters is terrifying enough, never mind the toxic, revolting cigarette smoke.

Talk to your local housing authority about subsidized housing. Shack up on a friend's couch. Heck, it's summer time. Move to a campgrounds for the warm months. I knew a family that did that when they didn't have a place to go and the kids had a BLAST. It never occured to any of those children that they were technically *homeless*

[manitoba_mommy]

I used to smoke as well. I educated myself on the effects and decided to make a healthier choice for my children. I have not smoked for almost 5 years now and you can bet I don't feel like a hypocrite when I tell people I do not want them smoking around my girls.

Just remember the saying, when you know better, you do better.

[Mama8]

Originally Posted by fromscatteredtribe

my mom smokes A LOT and smoked around me when I was little but not around the grandbabies now. she's been smoking for almost 40 years and she knows it is terrible but she won't quit. we can't always escape the smoke when she visits, but she does not smoke inside around us.

the kids have had the don't pretend smoke talk and asked granma why she does it, etc. i tell them it it terrible.

this is my gut reaction. this is what i would do:
YOU AND YOUR SON, day or night, cold or hot, in the middle of a conversation or in your beds or playing a a game or eating (whatever) GET UP AND WALK OUTSIDE every SINGLE time she lights up. say the same thing every single time. something like , "the air is not safe when there is smoke, let's go baby" with or wothout shoes or clothes on....you get up and go. maybe she won't quit but she will ALWAYS be ALONE when she smokes!

just my thought! it would be hard, but effective at least!

Awesome idea. This is exactly what I would do! Health of my baby comes first! I grew up in a smoking household. I now have a child with asthma. I do not smoke. I have never smoked but boy do I crave it!! That is just not right: I have also lost my colon to Ulcerative Colitis which you have a higher risk of developing if you smoke. NO ONE smokes around my children.

[ilikethedesert]

I think talking about ciggs like they are hot or dangerous- which they are-. As soon as you see him holding or going for one, saying something like ,"HOT- no touching! Then explaining how ciggs can be ouchie, and that sometimes adults do things that can be ouchie, but children may not.

Treat it like a wasp.

[LynnS6]

I love the idea of going outside.

Two other things to worry about/do:
1. If he gets ahold of a lighter, take it out of his hands and put it some place inaccessible. If it's a pain for your MIL, all the better! She'll have to think and work to get a cigarette.

2. Watch out for ash trays -- cigarette butts are toxic. OK, you'd have to ingest a lot of them to do serious harm (http://www.no-smoking.org/march99/03-22-99-3.html), but it's still not a good idea. Maybe you can move the ash trays out of reach too!

[Piglet68]

You do realize that even if you left the house every time she lit up, that your child is still being exposed to huge amounts of smoke residue just by living in that house?

I honestly don't want to berate you, but I'm having a hard time picturing a situation where I would choose to live with my young children in a house with a smoker who smokes indoors, leaves lighters and cigarettes lying around, etc. This is a major risk factor for SIDS (though your child is past that now) and is causing lung damage that could plague him for life.

You really need to get out of that situation for the sake of your child. As someone else said, he's already smoking just by being there when she lights up.

[Starflower]

Originally Posted by Roar

I think you've got a few different issues. I think the most pressing relates to the availability of lighters. They need to be kept your son can't get them. Period.

As far as his interest in smoking I would simply say "cigarettes make kids sick and you may not touch them" and then relocate him (or the cigarettes) everytime as needed.

:
I definitely think you should make a break for the exit every time grandma lights up, but the second hand smoke is not the only problem here. She needs to keep the lighters out of reach of little fingers.

My grandmother had scars all over her chest from playing with matches as a young child.

I hope your MIL has enough of a brain to at least realize the fire danger to her grandchild. Hell, if she's that insensitive in regards to other people, I'm sure she wouldn't want her own house to burn down.

I hope you and your DH can work out a better living arrangement in the near future. Sorry you are having to deal with this woman's stubborn ignorance and lack of caring toward her own kin.

And FWIW, my dad smoked when I was a kid and there are photos in my parents' family album of my me "smoking" a cigarette at around age 4 or 5. We used to play with candy/gum cigarettes too but I never liked real cigarettes and I do not smoke. I'm quite allergic to smoke now (which I attribute to my dad's smoking and also my ex-DH).

Good luck with your situation.