How could I have better handled this?

[Best Feeling]

DH is out of town. We all (two DDs and I) slept poorly last night. Nothing huge, we were all just more restless than usual, probably because DH was not there. Both kids were up before 6am (a good hour earlier than normal). DDs are 2.75 yrs and 16 mos.

First, I tried to convince them to go back to sleep or lay quietly. Failing that, I asked them to play quietly on the bed. Once it was clear that they were not going to settle back down, I asked them to go play in the loft. Oldest DD didn’t want to so younger DD wasn’t going anywhere either.

I didn’t insist that they play elsewhere. I thought about going to sleep in one of the beds in another room but I think they would have just followed me.

After half an hour, I ended up just giving in to their being rambunctious and started the day. The problem with this is that I was extremely short fused. I believe this is totally my issue and I (thankfully) did not act on it. However, this is not a natural thing for me; I have to work really hard at it. I know I can’t control when my kids wake up, I’m not looking for advice there. Does anyone have advice as to what to suggest to the kids when they wake up really early? I’m comfortable with them playing unsupervised in the house. I know other people won’t like that but it’s within my own comfort zone with my children. Is there something I can set up for them?

If it helps to know, I don’t subscribe to a particular belief (UP, consensual living, or whatever). However, we generally tend towards doing things in a way that is agreeable to everyone and we ALL compromise frequently to reach that point. Well, maybe not the 16 m.o. but my 2.75 y.o. has a good grasp of the concept of compromise. Clearly, the outcome of the early wake-up call didn't fall into the category of compromise or being at all agreeable for ME, LOL.

The reason I’m asking for help from the wise mamas here is not that I'm a selfish mama looking for more sleep. My fear is that I’ll give in to my short fuse which is more prevalent when I am tired. I used to yell at DD1 a lot and have worked very very hard to break that habit for reasons I surely don't need to explain here. I will say that once I gave up the yelling and the power-tripping, our household became a lot more harmonious.

My DH is going to be traveling quite a bit more than usual for the next few months. These are the hardest times. DD1 is more likely to act up, I’m more likely to be extra tired because my “resources” are drained, and it’s harder for me to keep my taught/inborn(?) tendencies at bay. and so you all don't think I'm totally unrealistic, I don't really require that much sleep. I really was just trying to buy ~20 minutes more rest.

[peilover010202]

Well, I do a couple of things with my ds when he wakes up early (he'll be 3 in August.)

1. Tell him that it's too early to be up (still nighttime) and to go back to sleep. - for me, this works about 75% of the time.

2. Get him up, pull his highchair into our bedroom and give him a bowl of cereal to eat, turn on cartoons, then I sleep until he's finished (which is usually 20-30 minutes). If your kids don't eat cereal, you could try giving the older one playdough in a highchair or watercolors. Maybe a handful of dry cheerios or some other snack for the younger one?

3. Get up with him, and then have him take an earlier nap (which I include myself in!)

mama! BTDT and it's not fun

[irinam]

I so know what you mean mama. Even a 1/2 hour in the morning makes a huge difference

Both of my DC at certain age (though I think it was later, like around 4yo) play alone in the living room on Saturdays and Sundays mornings (Mommy's and Daddy's sleep-in days)

What I would suggest - can you have some interesting activity (a new coloring book, a puzzle, playdoh, etc.,) reserved JUST for such mornings?

As in "it's your lucky day girls, mom wants to sleep some more so you get to play with the not-available-before-XYZ!"

Then, of course, you need to have another "XYZ" for the next time

PS. I am not suggesting that the girls know they have something "special" hidden and don't get to play with it until whatever-time. That would be teasing.

[mbravebird]

Originally Posted by peilover010202

2. Get him up, pull his highchair into our bedroom and give him a bowl of cereal to eat, turn on cartoons, then I sleep until he's finished (which is usually 20-30 minutes).

My husband travels, and I know from experience that I will get short fused when tired if I'm not really careful, especially if it's been a night of more frequent wakings. If my ds does not respond to requests to go back to sleep or play/read quietly next to me in bed, then we move into the office and turn on a video while I get an extra 30 minutes. It's not ideal, but it keeps me sane until I can catch up a bit at naptime. And he doesn't seem to "cash in" on the video time as much as you would imagine. Sometimes we get to that point, sometimes we don't.

The other thing I do when dh is traveling is try not to do any videos (other than the desperate occasional morning one, lol) or, for me, computer while ds is awake. For some reason, when I really don't have a break with dh gone, trying to take one on the computer or with a video just makes me grumpy and takes me out of the flow of our day. I don't know if this is just me, but it has turned out to be a good rule. It somehow keeps me fresher to just *totally* be in the ds flow. This would probably work great when dh is home, too, but I get tempted to do things, even just pay the bills, etc, whereas when he is gone I really put everything else aside except sleep, child, and playdates.

[Best Feeling]

Thanks for the suggestions mamas and for the commiseration. I always dreamed I'd be a sweet gentle mama with a soft voice and that nothing would rattle me. It's so hard to accept that it isn't my natural tendency to be what I consider ideal. I hate that I have to work so hard at being a mama. Hate might be a bit strong, I just wish it came more naturally to me. Anyway, I digress...


Neither DD is very interested in TV or videos. I don't think TV is a big deal in moderation so, of course, I get kids who have little interest in it

If it was just an issue with DD1, I could manage. It is usually easy to get her to snooze a bit longer or to set up with an activity. DD2...another story. When she's up she is UP

I trust her (DD2) to play on her own but I can't hand over crayons or anything. She likes to eat them

I think I need to come up with a "special" breakfast. DD2 is waaaay messy so it needs to be something that can be thrown around and not damage furniture. And it needs to be something I can prepare fast. I'll have to think on this one a bit more...

[pianojazzgirl]

Originally Posted by Best Feeling

I think I need to come up with a "special" breakfast. DD2 is waaaay messy so it needs to be something that can be thrown around and not damage furniture. And it needs to be something I can prepare fast. I'll have to think on this one a bit more...

My dd loves frozen organic waffles with just a bit of butter melted on top.

[mommy68]

I think that age is too young for children to be playing while you are sleeping, unless you are in the same exact room while they are on the floor and you are on a couch or something. I'm sorry, but I just disagree. If your oldest child were a few years older then it would make more sense to leave them.

Is there a reason why you can't wake up when they do? Try going to bed earlier or wait and nap when they nap each day. As an adult we do have to make sacrifices once have children.

[mommy68]

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[Best Feeling]

Mommy68 thank you for your post. I'm sorry your 3 y.o. cut her finger.

However, I really was looking for ideas not a lecture. I know one can't get the whole picture from one or two posts but you assumed an awful lot about me. As my DH says, you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Anyway, I took full responsibility for my weaknesses in my very first post. I KNOW it's my issue, I'm not blaming my kids for that. Geez.

There is no reason I could not get up with my kids and that is just what I did. It's a rare occasion that this sequence of events occurs and 20 minutes, yes just 20 minutes, would have given me that little bit of extra rest that my body was craving.

Maybe you don't struggle with a short fuse. If that's the case, then I truly envy that about you. But I know this is an issue of mine that I work hard to overcome. Whether I like it or not, being tired makes the issue more prevalent. I'm not "blaming" the tiredness or whatever. It is what it is.

It's not really relevant but I do WOH. Napping is not an option nor is it the cure for the short-fuse I have to squelch in the morning time.

I wasn't necessarily looking for ideas for "putting them out of the room" but merely mentioned that I was comfortable with them playing in another room as an option. Perhaps it will put your mind at ease to know the layout of my house? If they were to play in the loft (my first choice), they'd be right outside my open bedroom door. If they were to play elsewhere, I would, in fact move my tired self to be in the same room as them (i.e. rest on the couch while they play in the living room).

Maybe there isn't an answer and I just have to deal with this sucky trait of mine. I'm okay with that but I thought maybe I was boxing myself in b/c I couldn't come up with an alternative. That's why I came here for ideas.

I really don't think there's anything wrong with trying to have a plan in place on the occasions where I know it's more likely to be an issue (like yesterday morning).