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would you use a male midwife??

post #1 of 79
Thread Starter 
just curious...

I don't want to be gender prejudiced, but I would not feel comfortable with one for several reasons. I don't like a man doing vaginal/pelvic exams on me. I don't think they can understand what it's like because they don't even have the body parts they are examining. I know a midwife who hasn't had a baby could be considered limited too, but at least they are still women and I think that puts them WAY ahead of any man. I don't think they have the women's intuition needed for birth.
post #2 of 79
no- I wouldn't use a midwife who had never given birth either. There is just a level of empathy there between a woman who has given birth and a laboring woman that is very important to me.
post #3 of 79
I wouldn't choose a midwife (or doula, for that matter) who had not themselves experienced childbirth. So, that leaves a man out, lol.

I actually found out after the fact that one of the midwives I used with my ds had not yet had a child of her own; she was not the main midwife, but I was pretty irked. I think that childbirth is such a crucible that you really have to have experienced it before you can do a good job of supporting another through it.
post #4 of 79
My first thought was "no way!." But I can think of a few men who are very capable of providing the emotional support that I would need during labor. If I was able to connect with a male midwife on the same level I could connect with a female one, I would definitely consider him. I think it would certainly be more difficult to find a man capable of providing the level of care that we think most midwives provide (and an open-mind!), but I'm sure it's not impossible.

I don't do VE's anyway, so that's not a deal for me. It's also not very important to me that a male midwife does not know what giving birth feels like. There are plenty of doulas and midwives who do not have their own children who are quite capable of supporting a mom-to-be. So, that's also not an issue for me.

Interesting question.
post #5 of 79
I've worked with a great male midwife (his wife had all home births and he was her primary support person) and I would see him in a second. He was really amazing.
post #6 of 79
Sure. If I connected with him and my family did as well, I could. I have had doulas at two of my births. One had given birth, one hadnot. The one who had is the one who inspired my doula journey. Theone who had not (but became pregnant right after my birth!) just plain inspired me as a doula. For me, it has more to do with the person than anything. Part of me wants to say that I would not have a care provider who had not given birth, but the rest of me says that anyone could provide me care if there was connection and knowledge.

Using the logic that someone couldnot attend you at birth who had not givenbirth, would that too discount first-time fathers from being sole support?

Namaste, Tara
post #7 of 79
shoot NO! we did have several UA's with my husband.

I agree and would not use a CBE, Doula or MW who had not had a few births of her own (birth is about more then technical learning).

I also don't get my haircut by anyone who has bad looking hair.
post #8 of 79
So strange, I had never thought of this and DH asked me last night if male midwives existed. I told him no, I didn't think so, women want to labor and deliver with someone that has "been there, done that". But it looks like there are a few women who'd be comfortable with a male midwife, but I doubt enough to make it worth a guy's time to go to school for it.
post #9 of 79
I think that I would if his philosophy was "with woman".

My OB for my first daughter was male and a very caring individual. I've never had a female (L&D nurse, CNM, or my GP) be as gentle as that OB was giving VEs. That's why I continue to see him for well-woman care. Unfortunately I didn't really agree with his birth philosophies so he won't be attending my second child's birth when that time comes.
post #10 of 79
Personally unless there's some extenuating emergency, the only guy I like seeing (let alone touching) my vagina is my husband, thanks!
post #11 of 79
no but i have been sexually assaulted and don't like men down there
post #12 of 79
I would use a male midwife, nothing about the idea turns me off. But I do prefer using a midwife who has given birth (unmedicated). I like knowing that they really understand what I'm going through during labor.
post #13 of 79
If he wasn't a "medwife", why not? My female GP has four kids of her own, and she has less empathy about my c-sections and all the crap I've been through than either of my male doctors do. I'd rather have a real midwife who happened to me male, than a female who thinks I'm unfairly endangering my baby because I hate baby-ectomies.
post #14 of 79
My son was caught by a male midwife.
He's an amazing midwife, and certainly one of the most raved about midwives in my state!
I won't use a male OB/GYN, but I was thrilled with my male midwife!
post #15 of 79
Originally Posted by Melaya
I would use a male midwife, nothing about the idea turns me off. But I do prefer using a midwife who has given birth (unmedicated). I like knowing that they really understand what I'm going through during labor.
I think you just captured the thing that bugs me about the whole "why use someone who's never given birth?" thing.

Say your midwife has two kids, and they were both "easy" labours...not very long, baby "popped" out, no positioning difficulties, etc., etc. How does that make her "really understand" what her client is going through if the client is having 40-50 hours of absolutely excruciating labour with a malpositioned baby or something? I mean...unless she had the exact same labour, she doesn't necessarily understand any better than a really empathetic woman with no kids.
post #16 of 79
Nope.. I need to have a woman there. Like a pp said, I have to feel that she has been there, done that. I need to be able to relax and I couldn't do that fully with a male care provider.

Oddly enough, this was a discussion on another forum for medical professionals and I was the only one who said I would have an issue with it ???
post #17 of 79
Even though the midwife may have had a totally different labor experience, she still knows what it's like to give birth- the intense emotions, your overwhelming need to bond, etc.. that's what I meant.. not sure about everyone else.
post #18 of 79
Fair enough.
I'm a mom and you wouldn't want me there, either, if that's the case. I haven't got the faintest idea what it's like to give birth...
post #19 of 79
Yeah, I would. I'm planning to use a midwife if/when we have another baby, but my two children were both born in hospitals, and were delivered by male OBs. The first one sucked and the second one was awesome! I think it depends on the individual.
post #20 of 79
Yep. I'd have no problem with it as long as he had the philosophy I was looking for. But I've never been one to enjoy girls' stuff and bonding and never looked for a mother-figure in a midwife.

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