or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › would you use a male midwife??
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

would you use a male midwife?? - Page 2

post #21 of 79
I would and have I always said I would never use a male Gyn, and when I found the birth center I used for both pregnancies, there was a male midwife. (same as Lotusdebi's ) Anyway, all of the midwives in that practice are great and the male is raved about by nearly everyone I have ever talked to who has used that birth center. He may not have ever experienced birth, but he is very careing and very sympathetic. He was there for the birth of my first child, and did a great deal to help comfort me during my birth. Had I never met him, I would probably be saying no with everyone else.
post #22 of 79
Quote:
I think you just captured the thing that bugs me about the whole "why use someone who's never given birth?" thing.

Say your midwife has two kids, and they were both "easy" labours...not very long, baby "popped" out, no positioning difficulties, etc., etc. How does that make her "really understand" what her client is going through if the client is having 40-50 hours of absolutely excruciating labour with a malpositioned baby or something? I mean...unless she had the exact same labour, she doesn't necessarily understand any better than a really empathetic woman with no kids.
I guess it really doesn't make a difference. My last labor happened when I was out of town. I went to a hospital where I didn't know the doctor. Every time he'd come in the room he'd bark an order at me like "lay still so I can check you". The couple times I asked him to wait until my contraction was over, he would literally throw his gloves off, and storm out of the room pissed and mentioning how much easier the woman who use epidurals are to "deal with". I also had my mom there (who had done 4 very easy natural labors of her own). You'd think she'd be supportive right? Well she turned out to be just as unsupportive as the doctor since she considers labor to be "no big deal". She doesn't understand why woman make such a "fuss" and do things like yell or moan (neither of which I even did).

So that labor made an impression on me. That's why this time I looked for a midwife who had done a natural birth. I'm hopeing that it will lead to a little more sympathy during this labor. I never said that I would rule out a male midwife. Nothing about the idea seems wrong or icky to me. I'm actually usually more comfortable around men, I might even prefer a male midwife during labor. Either way, I don't even know of any male midwives. So it's not even an option for me anyways.

I don't see why my reason is any less satisfactory than the woman who say no because of sexual abuse issues.
post #23 of 79
as long as he was a supportive person, sure!
post #24 of 79
Not in my home. I would use a male midwife in a hospital or birth center though if he was great (and if I was to birth in either place). There is something about inviting someone into my home though that is totally intimate in a different way and I wouldn't be comfortable with that person being a male. I have nothing against male midwifes at all though.
post #25 of 79

NO, Never

I would not use a male midwife or a male OB, I try not to see a male doc of any kind (okay, eye dr. or dentist is fine) because we are talking about my body. If you don't share the same body parts, I don't want to hear it.

I would however hire a midwife or doula who had not given birth. I think there are some very special women who are called to that line of work before having children or who are barren who do an EXCELLENT job at what they do. I mean, some of the best doulas I know have had c-sections, not the vaginal birth they are being hired to support. I also think that they can sometimes be better doulas/midwives because they are not hampered by the demands of children at home. Two of my favorite midwives in town and two of the most respected have been childless. I would not have found my pathway (being a birth advocate, professional and supporter) had I not had my children, but for those women who find it without that, I think is very very special.

On the other hand, men that have a passion for looking at women's yonis all day (thank you whoever started that word here, that's awesome) creep me out. I don't understand why a man would want to do that. But I do deeply respect men like Marsden Wagner, Michel Odont, and Dick Grantley Read. I have always said if I had a breach baby, I would fly to france and have my baby in a big glass tub with Odont, so I guess I would have a man as long he didn't touch me.

Blessings,
micky
post #26 of 79
I agree with the posters that say male midwives can be MORE empathetic than females. I find that often with male ob/gyns vs female ones. I think the males are almost always more empathetic.
post #27 of 79
Quote:
no- I wouldn't use a midwife who had never given birth either. There is just a level of empathy there between a woman who has given birth and a laboring woman that is very important to me.
My mw has no children. I still think that her philosophies on birthing and pregnancy are awesome. I don't think that is a good reason for me not to use her services, so in the same thought, if I meshed well with a male midwife I'd use him.
post #28 of 79
I wouldn't use a male midwife, but I would see a midwife who doesn't have children. My midwife's student didn't have children, and I wanted her at my first birth, but that didn't happen unfortunately.
post #29 of 79
I would. The whole "male doing a vaginal exam" thing doesn't bother me, my regular gynocologist is male. I've seen a few male doulas too! Obviously if a man was not passionate about childbirth in a more natural means they would not choose to be a midwife. I don't think, especially for a male, that is a career that you just fall into.
post #30 of 79
Hm, my initial reaction was to say no, but it would depend on the man.
If I have a choice, I would choose a woman who had experienced birth herself.
post #31 of 79
As long as he had the same faith in a woman's ability to birth without any 'help' and I had a good connection with him, I would.

Gender is not an issue for me. Trusting in the way natural birth progresses is so much more important.
post #32 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by Synthea™
So strange, I had never thought of this and DH asked me last night if male midwives existed. I told him no, I didn't think so, women want to labor and deliver with someone that has "been there, done that". But it looks like there are a few women who'd be comfortable with a male midwife, but I doubt enough to make it worth a guy's time to go to school for it.
There aren't many, but they do exist. I have a friend attending Bastyr in Seattle to learn how to be a naturopath/midwife, and he's really excited about it, but there are obstacles he's facing simply because of his gender. I don't understand why people are so against it, when most OBs are male (most drs. are male, really). He's one of the kindest, gentlest, crunchiest, women-can-do-anything believing people I know, and if I'd known the midwife who attended my birth would be basically an OB with different lettering after her name, I would have searched high & low for someone with Elias's temperament & if that was a man, so be it.
post #33 of 79
I don't think I would, no. I really prefer another woman... I don't need the motherly figure so much as a the sister-friend sort of relationship.

I didn't want a male OB either, FWIW.
post #34 of 79
I don't think I'd be really comfortable using a male midwife.

I would, and have, use a female midwife who did not have children. And a doula who had never had a vag. birth.
post #35 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride
I think you just captured the thing that bugs me about the whole "why use someone who's never given birth?" thing.

Say your midwife has two kids, and they were both "easy" labours...not very long, baby "popped" out, no positioning difficulties, etc., etc. How does that make her "really understand" what her client is going through if the client is having 40-50 hours of absolutely excruciating labour with a malpositioned baby or something? I mean...unless she had the exact same labour, she doesn't necessarily understand any better than a really empathetic woman with no kids.
Is that really very fair? I'm a great doula (so I've been told) but I haven't experienced some of the labors I have attended. I've never been induced. I've never planned a c/s. Or had need for an emergency one. I've had long labors and super quick ones, I've had positioning problems, but nothing extra-ordinary. So what you are saying is that only women who have experienced the samething can attend other women? Because if so, no one could ever attend anyone because no one knows how a birth is going to go!

Namaste, Tara
post #36 of 79
I think this is a great question!

Before I found my midwife, I had been to a ob/gyn practice of 3 men & 1 woman. The woman was my ob, but w/my first dd I ended up seeing everyone in the practice since any one of them could be on call when I delivered. I have to say that 2 of the men were considerably more empathetic & open than my former OB. Of course, the 3rd man was the one who ended up "catching" my dd.:

So, despite having the same "equipment" and even having experienced childbirth, women do not necessarily have the same capacity for empathy as men. In fact, with my former OB, she was so abrasive and uncaring that I finally ended up switching to my MW @ 36 weeks gestation w/dd2!

IME, I think that attitude, aptitude & shared belief systems are way more important than gender and/or birth experience.
post #37 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by poetesss
Personally unless there's some extenuating emergency, the only guy I like seeing (let alone touching) my vagina is my husband, thanks!
I totally agree with you. Having a doc or midwife no matter what gender between your privates is like hiring someone to make love with. Thats why Unassisted birth is going to be my choice when it comes to me giving birth(one of the reasons why)
post #38 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaTaraX
Is that really very fair? I'm a great doula (so I've been told) but I haven't experienced some of the labors I have attended. I've never been induced. I've never planned a c/s. Or had need for an emergency one. I've had long labors and super quick ones, I've had positioning problems, but nothing extra-ordinary. So what you are saying is that only women who have experienced the samething can attend other women? Because if so, no one could ever attend anyone because no one knows how a birth is going to go!

Namaste, Tara
Tara - that was the point I was trying to make. Someone said they would want a midwife who had given birth herself, because then the midwife would "get it". That just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. For one thing, as my earlier post mentioned (and you backed me up), births are unpredictable, and having experienced birth doesn't necessarily mean that the woman "gets" birth. The single woman in real life who has best understood my disappointment, anger, etc. about my c-sections has no kids. None of the moms I know, whether they had their babies vaginally or through surgery, have a clue what I'm talking about. My point was that I'd rather have a supportive, empathetic midwife/doula who had never had kids (or a man) than have a woman of the "oh, you cheated by having a c-section" or "you're so lucky you had a c-section" school of though.
post #39 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melaya
I guess it really doesn't make a difference. My last labor happened when I was out of town. I went to a hospital where I didn't know the doctor. Every time he'd come in the room he'd bark an order at me like "lay still so I can check you". The couple times I asked him to wait until my contraction was over, he would literally throw his gloves off, and storm out of the room pissed and mentioning how much easier the woman who use epidurals are to "deal with". I also had my mom there (who had done 4 very easy natural labors of her own). You'd think she'd be supportive right? Well she turned out to be just as unsupportive as the doctor since she considers labor to be "no big deal". She doesn't understand why woman make such a "fuss" and do things like yell or moan (neither of which I even did).

So that labor made an impression on me. That's why this time I looked for a midwife who had done a natural birth. I'm hopeing that it will lead to a little more sympathy during this labor. I never said that I would rule out a male midwife. Nothing about the idea seems wrong or icky to me. I'm actually usually more comfortable around men, I might even prefer a male midwife during labor. Either way, I don't even know of any male midwives. So it's not even an option for me anyways.

I don't see why my reason is any less satisfactory than the woman who say no because of sexual abuse issues.
Melaya, I don't think your reason is "less satisfactory" - it's your answer, not mine. But, you kind of repeated my reasoning yourself, imo. Your mom has had four natural labours, but wasn't sympathetic or supportive. Who says a midwife would necessarily be any better? I've known several women who told me that the worst nurses on L&D are the ones who have had easy births themselves. I also had one nurse that I really liked after one of my sections - she was the only one on the ward who didn't have children. I guess I just don't see where having given birth is necessarily going to make a woman supportive of another woman giving birth...different women process birth differently.
post #40 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennnk
I have a friend attending Bastyr in Seattle to learn how to be a naturopath/midwife, and he's really excited about it, but there are obstacles he's facing simply because of his gender. I don't understand why people are so against it, when most OBs are male (most drs. are male, really). He's one of the kindest, gentlest, crunchiest, women-can-do-anything believing people I know, (snip...)
Just the simple issue of the fact that it is a man, and birth is a process that involves a woman's genitals makes a lot of women uncomfortable with a man being their midwife/OB. It's not only the crunchiness factor that many women want, it's the idea of being with the gender you feel more comfortable with.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Birth and Beyond
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › would you use a male midwife??