would you use a male midwife?? - Page 3

[CrazyCatLady]

I didn't say it guarenteed that this midwife would be any better. I also didn't say that it was even a requirement for me when choosing a midwife. But after that last labor, I am hopeing for someone who might understand a little bit better. It will either work out or it won't.

I'm a personal trainer. I've been turned down by a lot of potiential clients because they don't feel comfortable working with someone who's skinny. They want somebody bigger, they think it will help them feel more comfortable (which is funny, because I used to be huge myself). I personally don't understand it or even agree with it. But I don't judge people or put down their reasoning. Sometimes what makes people feel comfortable (not matter how odd their reasoning) might not make sense to others.

[huggerwocky]

No and I also would not have a midwife without own children/births/pregnancy

[Storm Bride]

Melaya: As I said, it's your own reasoning, and I have no quarrel with it. It just sounds to me as though you're anticipating a different attitude from the midwife if they've been through labour, and that's the part I don't understand. If people are more comfortable with a bigger trainer or a female midwife/OB or whatever, that's just a matter of personal preference. But, the way you described your reasoning, it didn't sound, to me, like you were only talking about a personal preference. It sounded as though you were talking about what kind of attitude you were expecting from the other party.

I don't know if what I'm saying is making any sense. It really doesn't matter, anyway - I'm just confused by the reasoning, and was hoping to find out why people think that way. As I said, the idea that women will be more supportive, more empathetic, more understanding, etc. runs contrary to my own personal experience.

When it comes to something like what poetess is saying - that some (many?) women are simply not comfortable with a man looking at them or being around them during the birth, that makes sense to me...it's about personal boundaries and comfort zones, not about expectations or beliefs about what the other person's attitude will be.

I don't know if that made sense. I'm just working my way through my own views on this.

[Lovinmy2babies+1]

I would use anyone, male or female, that would support me in the birth I choose.

[mb722toddler]

Would prefer female midwife & doula

I would be most comfortable with a female midwife & doula. I needed someone who gave birth themselves as a doula. I prefered a midwife who also gave birth and would understand the nature of it. I also needed a woman to "mother" me -- hence my female doula.

[mom*of*6]

I dont have a preference. I have had male OBs and female Midwives deliver our kids. In the Military you get what is there usually. Here at Ft Leonard wood, there is 1 midwife, but she only delivers monday - Friday during business hours. She is a civilian and has different working times.

[Lovinmy2babies+1]

Ok, this had me thinking all night. I'm currently going to school right now with an end goal to become a certified nurse midwife. I have 2 children both born by c-sections. The reason why I wanted to become a CNM is to prevent what happened to me. Is this going to affect who is willing to see me?

[Attached Mama]

I would NEVER use a midwife or doula who had had c-sections and no successful vbac - but that's just me. I don't think that they would have the strong belief in natural childbirth that I need to have a vbac with my next one. I think because it didn't work for them there would always be that negative vibe that maybe it also won't work for me. Please don't take this personally, as I said, that's just me and how I feel after an awful c/s. Some women would maybe prefer that you knew what they had gone thru w a c/s if they were trying for a vbac and then would prefer you.

[maxmama]

Originally Posted by Lovinmy2babies+1

Ok, this had me thinking all night. I'm currently going to school right now with an end goal to become a certified nurse midwife. I have 2 children both born by c-sections. The reason why I wanted to become a CNM is to prevent what happened to me. Is this going to affect who is willing to see me?

Honestly, I've never once asked a provider if they have kids and how they birthed them. Some of them have volunteered the information, but I never considered it my business to ask, any more than I would ask my dentist if he had ever had a root canal.

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by Daisie125

Gender is not an issue for me. Trusting in the way natural birth progresses is so much more important.

My thoughts exactly!

I've been with my male RE for oh...13 years now. He is the most compassionate and empathetic "female parts doctor" I've ever met. I went through a female OB and 3 female midwives before deciding on my current male OB for this delivery - who is by far the nicest, has the best bedside manner and truly believes that pregnancy is normal and all he needs to do is catch the baby as he comes out.

So yeah, I go for the individual and their beliefs, not their gender.

[GalateaDunkel]

I made the mistake of hiring a HB MW who had never given birth. The lack of empathy was astounding. After I had my baby in the hospital, nurses told me they had never met her before. I was like "wow, I'm her first transfer ever?" (only hospital in town) and they said "no, just the first one who didn't dump her like a ton of bricks when you transferred."

You can pick as many logical nits as you like about having the "exact" same experience, but I think at rock bottom whether or not you've had another human being emerge within from your abdomen - or not - is a black and white dividing line. It's true that many women who've had easy births are unsympathetic to those whose experiences are not like their own. But having no experience *at all* can hardly improve matters.

[cottonwood]

I'm not interested in having either a man or women sit between my legs during childbirth. Squicks me out. If I had to choose, though, I'd feel slightly less inhibited with a woman.

[mama_at_home]

No, I wouldn't. Are there even male midwives out there?

[mama in the forest]

I wouldn't want a male or female midwife present at my births.....it's not for me.

On the other hand, men that have a passion for looking at women's yonis all day (thank you whoever started that word here, that's awesome) creep me out. I don't understand why a man would want to do that.

I can't help it but my mind goes here too. I can understand why women want to help other women.......but men focusing on women's reproductive health, & well, BOTTOMS.....really creeps me out too. Come to think of it, I think next time I'm in for a pap test with the midwives that practice near me.......I'm going to catch the male doc they have lurking about there and ask him just exactly why he chose to be a pussy doctor.

[loving-my-babies]

there's a male midwife where I live, and I interviewed him when I was pg with my son. I felt weird about it, maybe it's unfounded but dh and I both felt sort of weird. He "discourages" epidurals quite strongly and that turned me off only because I though "yeah, since you know so much about labor pains". I am not pro or anti epidurals, btw, I just think you shouldn't say you can't have one, especially if you don't know what you're talking about.

[poetesss]

Originally Posted by mama in the forest

I'm going to catch the male doc they have lurking about there and ask him just exactly why he chose to be a pussy doctor.

:

I always wanted to do that myself! It just seems to counter intuitive to me for a guy to be a woman's specialist.

ETA: well, okay I guess there are the ones who are super woman friendly and wanna be a counter force against all the mainstream crap, so maybe I shouldn't knock those guys, eh? But the ones who are just being ob/gyns "just because"...hmmm, I dunno....

[Attila the Honey]

I would use a male midwife, his/her philosophy and approach to birth is more important than gender for me.

I think, in another life, my dh would be an excellent midwife! He's so patient, empathetic, and truly awed by pregnancy and birth. For him it wouldn't be about looking at crotches (how often to midwives look at crotches anyway?? Usually just at births, right? Not exactly a very sexy moment, I'd say).

I think the bias against male birth attendants is kinda sad. The majority of midwives I have had to deal with have been MEDwives to the hilt, I somehow doubt a male midwife could do much worse.

[ntengwall]

The birth center that I went to with my second son has a male midwife (Special Beginnings in Arnold, MD). At first I was VERY skeptical because I had never been to a man for *any* gynecological issues. I always assumed that women are always better (BTW--I have found most women OBs to be way more mean and nasty than male OBs).
I was shocked at how much I liked David and how warm and caring he was (he's older and was a midwife for a good # of years in the Air Force). He's probably in his early-mid 50's if I had to guess.
I didn't have him for my birth, but I wouldn't have been dissapointed if I had. I attended my sister-in-laws birth there as her doula when I was 8 months pg with my third son (a homebirth) and David was on call. He was amazing--better than any female midwife I had ever seen except for my homebirth midwife of course. Exceptionally good for a CNM. She was in labor all night and got to 10 cm around 6:30 am. My s-i-l was concerned because she didn't really want a new midwife to come on just as she was getting ready to push (they change shifts at 7 am). David looked at her and said, "I promise I will stay with you until you give birth." And he did. He stayed on until 10 am! I don't know many CNM's who would have done that.
All this to say that I still might be a bit wary of a male midwife but the only experience I have had with one has been wonderful!

edited to say: I wanted to add that I had a student take my class recently who absolutely wanted David to attend her birth and not the other females there. He told her that he would be there no matter who was supposed to be on call unless he was teaching at the college (classes for midwives in training). He was NOT on call when she went into labor and he attended her birth anyway. Just another illustration of how wonderful he is!

[lalaland42]

Absolutely. Unless he is hot. I have gone to male and female gyns and I have never had a preference based on gender except this one time I saw this gorgeous male gyn. I was 27-ish at the time and I remember thinking just how cute he was when he started telling me that since I was getting older (yuck) my breast tissue was becoming less dense and it would be easier to find lumps. Or at least that is what I took away from the conversation. All I really heard was Dr. Cutie saying, "since you are getting older..."

My midwife was a woman and had 30 years experience. I have since moved 2000 miles but I told dh if he wants another child, we have to go back home for the last trimester so I can use the same midwife again. Why change a good thing?

[huggerwocky]

Originally Posted by mama in the forest

I wouldn't want a male or female midwife present at my births.....it's not for me.



I can't help it but my mind goes here too. I can understand why women want to help other women.......but men focusing on women's reproductive health, & well, BOTTOMS.....really creeps me out too. Come to think of it, I think next time I'm in for a pap test with the midwives that practice near me.......I'm going to catch the male doc they have lurking about there and ask him just exactly why he chose to be a pussy doctor.

Don't forget to update us !

Someone once asked this an ob/gyn on a forum once and he said because he's interested in surgery...makes me think he wasn't good enough to become a surgeon.