I agree with much that has been said above about expectations, developmental appropriateness, and using prevention as much as possible in small children. My son is almost 29 months, so I'm right about where you are age wise. It's been said here and in many other threads that while a small child (and I'm thinking under 3 or 4, here) may "know" what to do or not to do, there is so much more to it than that, and that because their empathy and impulse control isn't even close to fully developed, it's asking a lot for them to be able to follow through on a lot of things, without a significant amount of control/conditioning...which in and of itself isn't *necessarily* a bad thing, but it can become the outline for increasing intensity and number of power struggles in other aspect of daily life.
Up to that certain age (which will be different for every child, since every child is an individual) when impulse control and empathy magically "click", I personally feel like it's my job to:
1) "Proof" as much as possible to prevent situations that bug me from happening.
2) Not expect follow through on kiddo's part a vast majority of the time, BUT still lay out my expectations to him so he "hears" them.
3) Set situations up for success...
So for the cleaning up - I totally hear you about the mess, and the safety hazards (I nearly impaled my foot on a metal car trunk last week), a couple weeks ago I did a major reorg and purge of toys, and only left out what I was comfortable with beign strewn about for the better part of the day. Going along with what Deva33 had to say, I believe that the act of cleaning up throughout the day was too "final" for DS...so I felt it was my job to reconfigure the situation. Now, we don't clean up until it's time to go to bed....and I'm OK with the level of mess that's out and about during the day (it's not dangerous or a walking hazard), the WHOLE day. Every morning, he gleefully dumps every single tub of toys, and then plays randomly with them throughout the day. And, I've become OK with that, because there are less toys out...and, he's started actually *playing* with the toys that are out, instead of being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of 'stuff" available to him, KWIM? And at night time, the very last thing we do before bath is clean up. Sometimes he's very into it, sometiems he's not. Either way it gets done, and I usually only have to remind him once that it's time for bed and all toys go away, and he doesn't try to re-dump them....now, if I try to straighten up durign the day for whatever reason, they'll end up back on the floor in a heartbeat. But that's OK....I don't worry that he's gonna be the same way when he's 6, cause the expectation of him helping at the end of the night is there every time....and he usually helps, even if it's only 1 toy, I still consider that helping at this point. I think I said in another thread something like, we don't expect a 6 yo to master calculus without going through simple math first...so I'm not worried that at 2-1/2 my kid doesn't want to clean....at 32, *I* don't want to clean most of the time....but I have the impulse control, foresight, and other emotional and intellectual abilities to see that cleaning does serve a purpose. So he sometimes puts toys away and sometimes doesn't - he sees it happening every night, hears me letting him know we expect help, and he hears us thank him when he does help, and that reinforces it all....and it will eventually click. I talk to him during cleanup about workign together, etc., so it's not like we (DH and I) just sit there and do it all silently while he ignores us.
As far as the food, when he was in a pitching stage, I just limited the amount on his tray to 2 or 3 bites, end of story. Prevention was the key to me on that one. He sometimes protested or asked for more, and that was fine, but if he only had a couple things to toss, my stress level was WAY lower than an entire plate of spaghetti on the wall and floor....and when stuff did get pitched, I'd say in a very low key, monotone voice something like "food is for your mouth/belly/eating, not for throwing. Please keep it on your tray" and that was about it. The less power and reaction I gave to his throwing, the less enticing it was to him.
I understand where you're coming from, but I do think that a lot of this does have to come from you still at this stage in the game. If he was 6, I'd maybe put more on him, but he's just 2-1/2...SO new to everything still. Just my humble opinion, feel free to take or leave any part of it!
Up to that certain age (which will be different for every child, since every child is an individual) when impulse control and empathy magically "click", I personally feel like it's my job to:
1) "Proof" as much as possible to prevent situations that bug me from happening.
2) Not expect follow through on kiddo's part a vast majority of the time, BUT still lay out my expectations to him so he "hears" them.
3) Set situations up for success...
So for the cleaning up - I totally hear you about the mess, and the safety hazards (I nearly impaled my foot on a metal car trunk last week), a couple weeks ago I did a major reorg and purge of toys, and only left out what I was comfortable with beign strewn about for the better part of the day. Going along with what Deva33 had to say, I believe that the act of cleaning up throughout the day was too "final" for DS...so I felt it was my job to reconfigure the situation. Now, we don't clean up until it's time to go to bed....and I'm OK with the level of mess that's out and about during the day (it's not dangerous or a walking hazard), the WHOLE day. Every morning, he gleefully dumps every single tub of toys, and then plays randomly with them throughout the day. And, I've become OK with that, because there are less toys out...and, he's started actually *playing* with the toys that are out, instead of being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of 'stuff" available to him, KWIM? And at night time, the very last thing we do before bath is clean up. Sometimes he's very into it, sometiems he's not. Either way it gets done, and I usually only have to remind him once that it's time for bed and all toys go away, and he doesn't try to re-dump them....now, if I try to straighten up durign the day for whatever reason, they'll end up back on the floor in a heartbeat. But that's OK....I don't worry that he's gonna be the same way when he's 6, cause the expectation of him helping at the end of the night is there every time....and he usually helps, even if it's only 1 toy, I still consider that helping at this point. I think I said in another thread something like, we don't expect a 6 yo to master calculus without going through simple math first...so I'm not worried that at 2-1/2 my kid doesn't want to clean....at 32, *I* don't want to clean most of the time....but I have the impulse control, foresight, and other emotional and intellectual abilities to see that cleaning does serve a purpose. So he sometimes puts toys away and sometimes doesn't - he sees it happening every night, hears me letting him know we expect help, and he hears us thank him when he does help, and that reinforces it all....and it will eventually click. I talk to him during cleanup about workign together, etc., so it's not like we (DH and I) just sit there and do it all silently while he ignores us.
As far as the food, when he was in a pitching stage, I just limited the amount on his tray to 2 or 3 bites, end of story. Prevention was the key to me on that one. He sometimes protested or asked for more, and that was fine, but if he only had a couple things to toss, my stress level was WAY lower than an entire plate of spaghetti on the wall and floor....and when stuff did get pitched, I'd say in a very low key, monotone voice something like "food is for your mouth/belly/eating, not for throwing. Please keep it on your tray" and that was about it. The less power and reaction I gave to his throwing, the less enticing it was to him.
I understand where you're coming from, but I do think that a lot of this does have to come from you still at this stage in the game. If he was 6, I'd maybe put more on him, but he's just 2-1/2...SO new to everything still. Just my humble opinion, feel free to take or leave any part of it!
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You could probably make one out of some plastic or a tarp.
We also let food dry before we sweep it up if it is tedious to get cleaned up otherwise. for some reason cat puke comes out of carpet better when dried too.......
: It can be maddening but I do my very best to ignore it. I am a neat freak. I clean up her toys. More and more she is helping me. I do not ask her to, she just does. It is her house too and I try to not be so bossy about how it is kept. I am responsible for keeping it clean (as in not dirty). If I want it to be not-messy, I feel that it is my responisbility to make it so. Dd likes it messy. Which person's preference wins? Dd is happy to help keep it picked up for special occasions. Like if we are going to have a dinner party, I explain that it is a special occasion and ask her if she would be willing to leave the living room intact. I also help her stick to her agreement by having her help me prepare food or setting her up near me with playdough or paint. But that is a recent phenomenon. To the OP: It will pass. If you can find a way to not stress so much about it, that might be the easier path than trying to get your ds to do something he is not ready or willing to do.
