Aagh. Just got home from a very trying day out. I'm still processing what happened, and am not sure what I think. I'd like to have other perspectives for that reason!
I have a very rule-following 5yo, a very lively, clownish, mischievous 3 yo, and an 18 month old who finds his sisters' antics hysterically funny. I decided today to take them all to our little amusement park, where I have a membership. We go there at least 10 times a year, and it's all very familiar to them. I don't tend to go to other places much without dh or a friend, but feel fairly comfortable going to the amusement park as the girls know their way around and we have a good routine and understood way of doing things so that I can keep them all supervised.
Anyway, my 3 yo started off on a bad note. She decided she wanted a toy from the souvenir store, and threw a major tantrum when I said no. Sitting in the pathway, screaming, kicking, hitting - the whole 9 yards. I see this as totally normal behaviour, and took the 20 mins it needed to help her work through it. Fortunately ds was happy in the backpack at that time, and my 5 yo wandered around looking at things nearby and wasnt too bothered about waiting. But I was sooooo acutely aware of eyes on me. I really struggle with the temptation at times like this to resort to the sort of old-fashioned parenting that I went through (not spanking, that's not an issue, but threats, and an attitude that this sort of behaviour is brattish, manipulative and ungrateful, not normal 3 yo frustration.)
I struggled with myself to stay focused and try to validate her feelings, and not resort to threats, but I could hear in my mind all the people around thinking what a soft touch I am. Does anyone else struggle wiht this?
Anyway, we got over that one, but the issue kept coming up over and over during the day. Every little reminder would set her off again, although not to the full tantrum, just enough to make life difficult for all of us.
So, then about 15 mins before the place shut, they wanted to try out a balancing log beam over a shallow water pool. They've never done it before, but I thought what the heck, we'll have some fun. I took off my own shoes so that I could walk with them and help them the first few times, then left them to try on their own. I had one change of clothes for each of them, which they both needed after 5 minutes. Not because they fell in, but because they both managed to wet themselves.
They wanted to go on it again, so I said that if they did, they had to understand that if they got wet they'd have to go home wet, I had no more clothes wtih me. They then got wild. I mean, wild. Dd#2 especially. She's such a clown and dd#1 lives vicariously through her sister, egging her on and enjoying the show. And the 18 month old on my back was shouting at her, "ooh me, ooh my!" (his latest phrase when anything they do makes him laugh.) So, the 3 yo starts 'falling in' on purpose, sitting in the water, throwing it around, screeching with laughter, etc etc. (There were no other kids going across, the place was almost closed, but there were families walking past as they made their way out).
It was honestly really quite funny, althouhg I didnt show it as I knew that once I'd laughed aloud, that would have been it and I'd have had dd#1 in there too. I didnt really want her sitting in teh water (it's not too clean.) But I could see how it was just too tempting to a 3 yo not to get carried away. Heck, earlier I'd had to ask a group of ten 5th graders in a school party not to throw water at each other right by me and the baby.
OK, so I did get frustrated (but tried not to show it) after 5 or 10 minutes when she wouldnt tone it down and come out. I was gently/firmly trying to bring an end to the antics, I didnt laugh at her, but was at a loss after a while as to how to get her to calm it down. But my feelings were definitely magnified 100x by the looks I was getting from people walking past. It's not that I'd actively think it OK for my child to cavort in a pond, but given that she was doing so, I don't see it as the worst misbehaviour in the world. I don't like who I become when I'm dealing with misbehaviour in public. I felt like everyone around me was thinking that I should be 'disciplining' her, ie yelling/shouting/threatening/physically carrying her out the park. I was working to getting her out and home, but I wasnt prepared to wade into the pool with a toddler on my back, and try lugging her out. FIrst, it wouldnt have felt right, and second, it probalby wouldnt have worked. She's not a tiny thing, and I had a 30lb toddler on my back. I'd have probably ended up sitting in the pond myself.
So, if you walked past a scene like this, how would you feel? Personally, I think I"d smile at the mum, maybe if I had a spare hand, ask if she needed help (I had bags around me and dripping clothing lying out on the floor), or maybe even make a comment about the exhuberance of childhood. Certainly I wouldnt glare at her and make her feel crappy, as if her children were the most out of control monsters in town.
Or am I just too lax in my acceptance of childhood stuff?
Typing it out now, it all seems quite funny. I did get them into the car and tell them that if they didnt listen to me in future we'd not be able to go there without dh, meaning that they'd only get to go occasionally at weekends. That did sink in, and they both understood that they had been out of order. To me, that's far more valuable than yelling at them at the time, although of course none of those families saw that side of my disciplining.
God, I need to get these kids to bed tonight and have a stiff drink. This was definitely one of those more memorable days.
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I have a very rule-following 5yo, a very lively, clownish, mischievous 3 yo, and an 18 month old who finds his sisters' antics hysterically funny. I decided today to take them all to our little amusement park, where I have a membership. We go there at least 10 times a year, and it's all very familiar to them. I don't tend to go to other places much without dh or a friend, but feel fairly comfortable going to the amusement park as the girls know their way around and we have a good routine and understood way of doing things so that I can keep them all supervised.
Anyway, my 3 yo started off on a bad note. She decided she wanted a toy from the souvenir store, and threw a major tantrum when I said no. Sitting in the pathway, screaming, kicking, hitting - the whole 9 yards. I see this as totally normal behaviour, and took the 20 mins it needed to help her work through it. Fortunately ds was happy in the backpack at that time, and my 5 yo wandered around looking at things nearby and wasnt too bothered about waiting. But I was sooooo acutely aware of eyes on me. I really struggle with the temptation at times like this to resort to the sort of old-fashioned parenting that I went through (not spanking, that's not an issue, but threats, and an attitude that this sort of behaviour is brattish, manipulative and ungrateful, not normal 3 yo frustration.)
I struggled with myself to stay focused and try to validate her feelings, and not resort to threats, but I could hear in my mind all the people around thinking what a soft touch I am. Does anyone else struggle wiht this?
Anyway, we got over that one, but the issue kept coming up over and over during the day. Every little reminder would set her off again, although not to the full tantrum, just enough to make life difficult for all of us.
So, then about 15 mins before the place shut, they wanted to try out a balancing log beam over a shallow water pool. They've never done it before, but I thought what the heck, we'll have some fun. I took off my own shoes so that I could walk with them and help them the first few times, then left them to try on their own. I had one change of clothes for each of them, which they both needed after 5 minutes. Not because they fell in, but because they both managed to wet themselves.
They wanted to go on it again, so I said that if they did, they had to understand that if they got wet they'd have to go home wet, I had no more clothes wtih me. They then got wild. I mean, wild. Dd#2 especially. She's such a clown and dd#1 lives vicariously through her sister, egging her on and enjoying the show. And the 18 month old on my back was shouting at her, "ooh me, ooh my!" (his latest phrase when anything they do makes him laugh.) So, the 3 yo starts 'falling in' on purpose, sitting in the water, throwing it around, screeching with laughter, etc etc. (There were no other kids going across, the place was almost closed, but there were families walking past as they made their way out).
It was honestly really quite funny, althouhg I didnt show it as I knew that once I'd laughed aloud, that would have been it and I'd have had dd#1 in there too. I didnt really want her sitting in teh water (it's not too clean.) But I could see how it was just too tempting to a 3 yo not to get carried away. Heck, earlier I'd had to ask a group of ten 5th graders in a school party not to throw water at each other right by me and the baby.
OK, so I did get frustrated (but tried not to show it) after 5 or 10 minutes when she wouldnt tone it down and come out. I was gently/firmly trying to bring an end to the antics, I didnt laugh at her, but was at a loss after a while as to how to get her to calm it down. But my feelings were definitely magnified 100x by the looks I was getting from people walking past. It's not that I'd actively think it OK for my child to cavort in a pond, but given that she was doing so, I don't see it as the worst misbehaviour in the world. I don't like who I become when I'm dealing with misbehaviour in public. I felt like everyone around me was thinking that I should be 'disciplining' her, ie yelling/shouting/threatening/physically carrying her out the park. I was working to getting her out and home, but I wasnt prepared to wade into the pool with a toddler on my back, and try lugging her out. FIrst, it wouldnt have felt right, and second, it probalby wouldnt have worked. She's not a tiny thing, and I had a 30lb toddler on my back. I'd have probably ended up sitting in the pond myself.
So, if you walked past a scene like this, how would you feel? Personally, I think I"d smile at the mum, maybe if I had a spare hand, ask if she needed help (I had bags around me and dripping clothing lying out on the floor), or maybe even make a comment about the exhuberance of childhood. Certainly I wouldnt glare at her and make her feel crappy, as if her children were the most out of control monsters in town.
Or am I just too lax in my acceptance of childhood stuff?
Typing it out now, it all seems quite funny. I did get them into the car and tell them that if they didnt listen to me in future we'd not be able to go there without dh, meaning that they'd only get to go occasionally at weekends. That did sink in, and they both understood that they had been out of order. To me, that's far more valuable than yelling at them at the time, although of course none of those families saw that side of my disciplining.
God, I need to get these kids to bed tonight and have a stiff drink. This was definitely one of those more memorable days.
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