Not the kind of mom I want to be... - Page 2

[Eli's_mommy]

Originally Posted by newmainer

get a moby wrap. they are relatively inexpensive and way more gentle on your body than slings. they're great for new, floppy babies b/c they get to be upright and hug their bodies. once they are asleep, they can stay in there and you can do "other stuff" or nap with them, or whatever. you can easily take her in that on the bus or shuttle. honestlyl, once you get the hang of it (and it's way, way easier than a sling, which i didn'tuse with my first until 5 months when i could have her on my hip) you'll never forget it.

naking now... but for all the other stuff, i hear you. no one tells you about the tough first few weeks and sometimes months, but you are being a great mom even if it doesn't seem AP to you.

This is hilarious. I was just going to post get a moby wrap. Seriously. Absolutely by far the best thing I got at my baby shower. Amazing! It looks cumbersome at first, but it's not bad at all. My son passes out the second I put him in it, AND you can wear it and breast feed with no hands!!!!!

The other thing I was going to say, is nurse while you're sleeping!! If I couldn't nurse while I was sleeping, I'd never sleep ; )
I think it's called the side lying position. It takes a few times to get it down perfectly, but you'll be so very happy once you do. I never thought I'd end up with my boy actually sleeping in my bed every single night, but he loves it and I love it. I have a co sleeper, but he wont stay asleep for more than a couple hours without my body heat next to him. Your baby might sleep longer in bed with you also. Good luck mama!

[KerriAZ]

I am not in you DDC, but I'm not too far ahead of you... I just wanted to send you hugs and say that it DOES get better!! I know it seems endless now, but it's not.

Also, I, too, have had a tough time with the sling. I'm gonna have to check out the Moby that the PP have mentioned.

Another thing... You NEED to connect with other mommas! This will help lots. Try going to www.matchingmoms.org. You put in your info and type in your zip code and you can connect with other moms in your area! You might even find someone who might be willing to pick you up so you can all get out of the house! I have connected with a few moms in my area through this site. www.clubmom.com is another one that can help you connect to moms in your area.

Best of luck, honey!

Kerri

[Nosy]

I'll echo what everyone else says, it does get better. With regard to not being able to fall asleep when the babe is asleep, I have had this problem with both babes. What really works for me is the Hypnobabies Insomnia cd. It's meant for pregnant women, and I bought it when pregnant with my 2nd. Boy does it put me out in less than 10 minutes. I bought it on the hypnobabies website.

With regard to the yeast, are you taking lots of probiotics? I have been having a yeast battle with DS2 from the beginning, and putting probiotics on my nipples works way better than diflucan or gentian violet. I read that eliminating sugar/bread won't help with thrush because it's the lactose that causes the thrush. It should, however, help with your own yeast issues. Also, have you checked out the healing the gut thread? I'm working my way through it.

Not in your DDC but so much of what you're saying sounded familiar, I wanted to respond.

[NYCVeg]

Thanks for all the suggestions and replies--even just hearing that others have BTDT is helpful. I ordered the Moby Wrap, although it will take at least a few days to get here. There's a Washington, DC API group that meets once a month...if the wrap is here in time, and I can manage dd in it, I'll go next week.

I guess I'm going to have to investigate playgroups. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm a little reluctant to join one of the mainstream groups (like MOMS) right now...as it is, I'm fighting really hard to do all the AP stuff I believe in, and I really don't want to hear a lot of suggestions to let dd cry it out, that I need to teach her to entertain herself, etc. (I'm already getting a lot of this from my sister, who means well, but whose parenting philosophy is very different from mine.) I live in a very child-friendly neighborhood--basically the only child-friendly neighborhood in the District--so I'm sure there must be stuff around.

The bfing stuff is another major sticking point. Right now, I can only bf in the cross cradle position, with dd on two pillows. We aren't quite skilled enough to nurse lying down or in bed yet...and because of the thrush, we're actually trying to keep nursing contained to one spot in the house for the present. We're having to do so much laundry as it is to try to kill off the yeasties, that we don't want to infect all the bed linens as well (I'm currently sleeping on Chux pads...whee). For this reason, I'm also really uncomfortable NIP--not because I care about breast exposure, but because I don't know how to position dd to do it without all of my "props". I've footballed her a couple of times when I had to, but I'm pretty bad at it, and I don't like not being able to see her latch. When does bfing get more intuitive--both for me and for baby?

[Marylizah]

Hi Amanda,

Just wanted to say I'm with you on how hard it all is. Things have just started getting better for me now that George is 5 weeks-- we've figured out some BFing stuff (still not perfect, but progress) and physically I'm feeling better. Like for you, we still have a hard time getting out of the house-- George hates being on his back, so the stroller has limited use for the moment and my wrap takes 2 people to put on (still haven't mastered it!). If my mom wasn't here, I don't know what I'd do.

Just wanted to send you a and say you aren't alone. I sure hope things get better for you soon.

[Sydnee]

"[QUOTE=JayGee] Amanda

When my DS was born 4 1/2 years ago, I felt the EXACT same way. He fussed and cried, we had major nursing issues, I was horribly sleep deprived and I felt like screaming, "Is this it!? Is this what I've been waiting 9 long months for???" Adjusting from no children to one was by far the hardest for me.

I do think you need to keep an eye out for PPD. The isolation, the lack of sleep, the fact that your diet is so limited, and the BFing issues can all contribute. It happened to me after DS was born."

I will just ditto all this! You are sooo not alone, hun!! My first was a super easy baby, and a great nurser, and I STILL had the hardest time adjusting. I have always said, if Emma was born first, I'm not sure I would have had more. She was VERY needy, and I had a ton of bf'ing troubles. Hang in there, as everyone else says, it will get better!! And we are all here for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[L'lee]

Hi Amanda!

I'm with you on a lot of these issues... luckily BFing has been pretty smooth for us, but one thing I give credit for this is the My Brest Friend pillow (spelled that way on purpose) - you can clip it onto your waist and even walk around while you nurse. I think they sell them at BRU, sadly Amazon doesn't have any right now. I use it at the keyboard and it rests on the keyboard tray and I can even type with two hands while feeding him! Or, I sit in a chair with it (fits much better than a boppy) and I can read, and even use the end of it to support my book sometimes, or I put a firm, thin pillow under the end of it and rest the book on that.

Also, an investment we have made that has been handier than I could have imagined has been a super comfy LaZBoy rocker recliner - I have been sleeping in that with Emerson lying on my chest and I seem to get better sleep there than in bed. It kinda sucks from the sleeping with DH end, but I figure eventually that will happen again...

This might help you, too: pretty early on, I decided that I had to change my definition of nighttime. Once I decided that night = 10PM to 10AM I started getting a lot more sleep. Basically, we take a bath (every other night, since it helps all of us relax and Emerson really enjoys them), Emerson eats and we get into bed around 10PM. Then I feed/change him as needed throughout the night, DH gets up for work at about 7:30, and then Emerson and I stay "in bed" (the recliner is in the bedroom) until 10 AM or until I have 8 hours of sleep. This has been working well for us since probably the third week, after I started being exhausted enough to stay in bed for that long (I had trouble at first since I felt so energetic and couldn't stay in bed for more than two or three cycles).

I also recommend the Moby wrap!! I know you ordered one, but I figured one more cheer for them is fine! After a little practice, they are easier to use than at first. I haven't figured out how to easily rotate Emerson for breastfeeding, but I hope I can figure that out! Eli's_mommy, if you have any advice on this, I'd love to hear it!!

[paisley]

Hi Amanda,
I saw this thread in the new posts and I remember you from The One Thread waaaay back when. I hope you don't mind me chiming in here.

I went through the exact same bf problems with ds - the cracking, bleeding, thrush and vasospasm. I even wound up with a bout of mastitis before it was all over. What you are going through really stinks. I am so sorry. I totally remember that sinking feeling of dread when ds would open his mouth and want to nurse again. The pain was so terrible for those first few weeks - physically of course, but also emotionally because I felt like I wasn't being a "good" mom and properly bonding with my new little guy.

There are some things I wanted to share with you and for the ease of your Mama-to-a-newborn mind (and my Mama-to-a-nutty-toddler mind!) I'll just list them:

- For us, bf got a lot better around 6 weeks. There were still some issues but the pain subsided and I finally got the hang of latching him on right every time. Fwiw, I nursed him until he was 2.5 years old.

- Have you seen a lactation consultant? I can't recommend this enough. Try to find an IBCLC if you can. If one LC doesn't help 100%, call another one and another until you find the right one to help you. For us, it was LC #4 that finally truly helped and I swear, it was like the clouds parted and light shone down upon us while angels played harps. Her fee was so worth it.

- Vasospasm. Ouch. In my case, I have large nipples, so ds's mouth was too tiny to avoid chomping on them while nursing. The pain was less when his mouth grew but I don't think the vasospasm ever went away. I definitely got more used to it though and finally got to a point where it hardly bothered me.

- Thrush, also not fun. Sounds like you are doing the right thing with your diet and the chux. I also sprayed dilute vinegar on my nipples after nursing and let dry before packing them back up. Sunlight on your nipples is also supposed to work wonders if you can pull that off. I remember taking capryllic acid, garlic oil, and GSE tablets in addition to the Diflucan. I forget the dosing schedule I was on for the Diflucan, but it should be somthing like 2 or 3 pills for the first x days and then 1x/day for another week (?) after that. If this doesn't sound similar to what you're doing, you need to get your routine changed. ETA: Dr. Jack Newman advises "fluconazole 400 mg as a first dose, followed by 100 mg twice daily until you are pain free for a full week, which usually means at least two weeks."

- As far as different nursing postions, I'd say proceed with caution. I nursed ds sitting up at night for the longest time because football was the only position that worked for us. This is also something that an IBCLC can help you learn.

- Sleep deprivation is such a huge thing. I wish I had an answer for you. So many people say to sleep whenever the baby does and there is a lot of truth to that.

- Someone else mentioned PPD and I completely agree that you need to watch for that. I have btdt after all of our bf and transition-to-parenthood issues and it wasn't fun but we made it through (after letting it go untreated for over a year, not a good idea). What about a post-partum doula? She could watch the babe while you get the rest you need, maybe help with the housework a bit and also be a good gauge of how you are doing PPD-wise. If you can swing that, I think it's an excellent idea.

- While one-handed bf is still a future goal, how about books on tape? Music really helped me relax while actually bf. Also, Netflix is an awesome service. They mail DVDs to your house and you send them back in prepaid mailers for a monthly fee. I wish I would have watched more movies before ds was mobile! We get free trial codes every now and then, so if they aren't currently offering a free trial on their site, PM me and I'll find you a code.

- Don't forget to give yourself the love and credit that you deserve in all of this. Your dedication to bf your daughter in the face of all these challenges is truly admirable. You have already proven yourself as an amazing Mama by making this commitment to give her the best even though it is so hard right now. It's easy to get overwhelmed with the negative, but please do your best to stay positive and in the moment. Right now is difficult but it will get better soon and it will be like a whole new world.


Please don't hesitate to PM me if there's anything I can do for you. It might feel like you are alone with all these bf challenges but you are not. I wish you nothing but the best and am sending you lots of die yeastie die vibes.

[Ary99]

Just wanted to send a shout out of support from due in August. It is so hard at first when you have "issues" (my son had major food allergies so my diet also became very limited). It can feel so isolating. I listened to a lot of music and sat outside as much as I could and I found that really helped my mood. Once you are comfortable with your sling you will find it to be quite to conversation starter with other like-minded moms. You will find people with similar values. This has probably felt like the longest few weeks of your life, but the time will fly. My son is almost 4, and I can't believe it. I was so overwhelmed at first. You have plenty of time to evolve into the kind of mom you want to be. Hang in there!

[Mamabeakley]

Hi, Amanda!

One thing that makes it get better (I think) that others haven't mentioned is that it helps when baby gets better head control - she can 'help' get in a good position better. That'll come by 3 months at the latest, I think - possibly sooner.

Also, there's a good chance that diaper changes will become less complicated by 6 - 8 weeks - fewer of them as bladder enlarges, and for my 2 kids, less frequent poop! For me, that made night nursing much easier b/c the less time I'm awake, the easier it is for me to go back to sleep. I second the "maybe baby needs to touch you to sleep better/longer" thoughts others have shared. DS#1 needed to touch me or another person to stay asleep until about 20 months old. A co-sleeper would have been pointless. DS#2 (6 weeks! how did that happen???) is much calmer and could probably adapt to a more distant sleeping arrangement - but I'm used to sleeping with a head next to my breast so we're sticking with that :-)

I'll send "enough sleep" vibes your way . . . I live so far out in the boonies I can't help with the f2f socializing, but I would if I could . . .

[De-lovely]

Just wanted to offer hugs and support mama! Hang in there you are a wonderful mama really!!!! Oh and the Moby wrap is a great idea! I loooovvvveee my Moby! No back aches!

[HeatherKae]

I'm not from you DDC, but I"m a BTDT mom. I didn't have the health issues you do (although, I personally had a raging yeast infection that took months to control, thankfully, it didn't turn into thrush), I had tons of guilt and resentment.

It took a long time for me to figure it all out. I was totally alone, too. No friends. No playgroup. I did go to two LLL meetings. One was at a house so filthy, my feet were sticking to the carpet as I walked on it. And the next meeting was hosted by a woman who chained smoked throughout the meeting, even while nursing her baby. Needless to say, I never went back.

The best advice I have is forget the guilt. Do what you have to to get through this. Forget the guilt. What good is it going to do for you to stand true to your parenting philosophy if it is damaging your relationship with your baby? I too had lofty ideals of baby wearing, happily nursing at the beach (we lived in Hawaii), being all happy and joy joy. And it DID happen. But it took time.

My babies hate the sling, HATE all carriers for that matter, until they are about 5 or 6 mos. My daughter hardly ever slept. She was awake and fussy if I wasn't walking her around and stimulating her every minute of the day. Eventually, I stuck her in a swing (GASP) in front of pictures of baby faces and cranked the Mozart. I even purchased those dreadful Baby Einstein DVDs (GASP GASP GASP) and she would watch them just long enough for me to shower.

I carried around a lot of guilt from those first 3 mos or so. But eventually things work out better and you both get into a groove and get to know one anohther better and figure things out. It's a relationship like any other. It takes time to iron out the wrinkles. It'll happen. Do what you can to make it happen in a happy, not stressful way.

By the way, what about books on tape or movies. Personally, I am not a movie fan so I figured out how to nurse while reading fairly quickly. But then I progressed to nursing while surfing the web. I still do that. It is second only to snuggled up on bed. NOw that my nursling is 2.5, though, the computer is more likely than the bed. He just doesn't snuggle so much any more.

Anyway, you will be fine and you will parent the way you want to, it just may take detours along the way. Which is fine.

[NYCVeg]

After a couple of decent days, nursing has taken a turn for the worse.
See here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...91#post5371391

I don't know what to do anymore.

[~member~]

Can you pump until your nipples are healed and then try again?

[ltk]

I hear ya' sister....I have noticed that now that baby is 6 weeks old, I am starting to be able to rely on a rythme for taking care of him. I do have to say that even though this is true, we still have our days! It sounds like you are being pro-active and that is all you can do. Just keep your AP objectives in mind, and practice as you go. I know I have done some things that I NEVER thought I would.....it's partly about trial and error and what works for you and baby......I am throwing all my books away!

I am so sorry you are so stressed out. Do you have any friends around? Also, I bet you could host a little potluck-playgroup to get people to come to you?
Walking is great, and yes, your body will get stronger every day until it's back to normal.

I wish you all the best from one new mom to another.

[robin4kids]

NYCveg I don't think you will get rid of thrush that way!

You are discribing ME, 6 years ago. I got the cracked nipples and thrush soooo bad. I had these terrible pimple like things all over my chest! I did the Violet stuff and diflucan. I got a terrible reaction to the diflucan! First off, did you know that stuff stays in your system for 3 days! So if you are taking it every day, it is building up and up in your body. The thing is you probably are not allergic to, you just are taking too much at once!
The Violet stuff did nothing for me, except turn everything I touched, purple. I was in tears and stuck on vaction when all this happened. It was a nightmare!
I had thrush for 2 years with my dd and got it again with my ds.
I now use a cream and only this cream to keep the thrush under control. The cream is a compound that need to be made my a "real" pharmacist. I would try looking on the web or asking you obif they know what it is. This cream is the BEST!!!! You leave it on even when you nurse. Every time I feel a little sore, I rub some on for a few days and it keeps the thrush from coming back.

Just my 2cents! Good luck!

[counterGOPI]

NYC VEG!! i miss you!! i hope things are better!! ive been asking around on the vegfamily about you!!