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Do you know anyone who spanks? - Page 2

post #21 of 154
All of my neighbors spank... in front of everyone, all the time.

No one in my family spanks, nor does anyone in DH's family, so I guess we are fortunate to have both grown up in the environment where *not* spanking was the norm, so there was never any conflict of interest for us when it comes to disciplining dd.

I do know lots of people from different areas, and I know that for many of them, it was just how they were raised, and they just don't know any different They are all nice people, they just don't know how to discipline without spanking...
post #22 of 154
We don't spank (well, I have a couple times out of anger but I try not to and hope not to ever again). None of my friends spank their kids. However, my partner's family spanks as a rule, and my kids are the only kids (of 20 or so) who aren't hit, I'm pretty sure. My mom thinks I should spank my son. Also, I see people in public threatening to "whoop" their kids pretty often.
I feel well-cushioned by the large group of AP/natural parents I surround myself with, so I don't feel too sensitive to that stuff. However, I hate when we go to my partner's grandma's house and my kids see other kids getting hit.
post #23 of 154
Most people around me don't spank and you almost never see anyone here do it in public, but there is also A LOT of early childhood/family education in this state. My stepmom did suggest that I bite my son back when he went through his biting stage but I stood her down on that idea!

Kris
post #24 of 154
My cousin spanks, and I swear she seems to enjoy it. When her DD was 12 months old, they came to visit us and she was crawling and toddling and getting into everything--I kept moving things out of her DD's reach, and my cousin got annoyed with me and said "no, leave it there. She has to learn" and then WHAM she'd slap her DD.

I feel so bad for the little girl. And now that my DD is 16 months old, it has started to scare her to see it happen. Needless to say, we don't see them often.
post #25 of 154
Yes. My niece gets spanked for everything, and it's so weirdly 'ritualistic' - never done in anger, just done so calmly, yk? That almost makes it more sick for me. She is always talking about being spanked too, "Don't do that Flora, your mom will spank you!" for things I wouldn't dream of being angry about much less disciplining for. (Like spilling a drink...)

The little girl I babysit for, well all the kids in that family, get spanked. I've watched them all since birth, the oldest is now 10. Last time I went over there they had a wooden chair rail on the counter as a reminder to the middle child (who has some behavioral issues I BELIEVE due to food sensitivities) to behave. I tried not to show my true feelings, because I love these kids dearly and I don't want to get fired!, and I asked if she's ever had to use it but she said no she wouldn't use it, she just uses her hand and the threat of the chair rail is enough.

The youngest in that family, a 5yo girl, is like a daughter to me. I love her dearly. Her parents love her dearly too, I know they do, but they spank. It hurts me so much to think of her being hurt and know there isn't anything I can do to stop it. She also gets spanked for dumb stuff like spilling drinks, and when she spilled a drink at my house once she ran and hid and cried. She was 3.5-4 years old at the time. Even my 2.5yo knows if you spill a drink you just get the rag and wipe it up, no biggie.

In both families I've noticed they ignore their kids misbehaving at first, they don't nip things in the bud, and then when the kid is over the top and acting really inappropriately the parents go from ignoring to "it's whoopin' time". It's bizarre. Now I am bummed out from thinking about it. :
post #26 of 154
I know a few people who spank. My brother and his wife did although their kids are old enough now (9 and 11) that I'm not sure what they do now. It was terrible to watch, but fortunately we live far away and didn't see them often. My sister spanks a little bit. She does the "save it for when they do something that really puts them in danger like running into a street" so I'm not sure how much she actually does it. I don't recall ever seeing it.

The weird one is some friends we know who are very AP otherwise, but spank. They have mentioned not doing it anymore as they found it wasn't effective. I hope that's true.
post #27 of 154
A friend IRL that I know uses the Pearl's practices as outlines in To Train Up a Child. It's completely frightening. The piping tubing can be found hanging out of this lady's back pocket EVERYWHERE she goes. I was half tempted to take it out one day then saw she had two more in her diaper bag. UGH
post #28 of 154
I live downtown in Toronto, Canada, so I see alot of diversity, I don't know anyone personally who spanks except my sister.
post #29 of 154
Quote:
Ugh, I have heard stuff like that -- it's awful. Come to think of it, my ex-coworker said stuff like that. Her girls (a 4yo and a 5yo) would be standing right next to her and she'd say stuff to me like, "Yours is sweet now, but wait 'til he's old enough to be a brat like mine!"
I used to work with a nurse who referred to her 16yo twin daughters as, "The Bitches"
post #30 of 154
I don't know anyone besides us (me and dh) that doesn't spank.
post #31 of 154
I also don't know anyone else IRL who doesn't spank. Dp and I are regularly "told off" by people we work with that spanking is the only way to raise a child, you have to instill fear and respect into them, blah blah blah. Now, some of the people I know only spank as a "last resort" - you know, the "Do that one more time and you'll get a spanking" after stern talkings and a time out didn't work. I suppose that's better than whacking your kid all the time, but it is still awful in my book.

So, no, I don't think that as GD moms we're being overly sensitive about the issue - I seriously do not know ONE other person IRL who doesn't use spanking as a tool.
post #32 of 154
Quote:
spanking is the only way to raise a child, you have to instill fear and respect into them, blah blah blah.
Yuck! That is my MILs mantra- she's a big fan of "pain compliance"...needless to say, her contact w/dd is limited.:
post #33 of 154
Ack! We (DH and I) don't spank. I was never hit as a child. DH's mom hit him. I don't know anyone who spanks IRL, although I have a friend who has defended it as necessary at times...but has yet to spank her 2yo DD.

Last winter DH saw someone pulled over on the side of the highway hitting their DD. We called the cops. DH was traumatized.

DH does do timeouts with 2yo DD...and still hasn't learned that there are better ways. He'll come around, I'm sure of it, and it doesn't happen often enough for it to be a fight between us. He'll learn faster by seeing how things go with me, my parents, and others who don't do timeouts.
post #34 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shelsi
Can you imagine BITING your own child?! How ridiculous is that?!
My mom tells a story about how when I was 2 I bit other children including my baby brother. She goes on about how she tried everything and nothing worked. So, one day she bit me, and apparently that did the trick. I can't imagine biting my child, but apparently it's not that ridiculous to some people.
post #35 of 154
wow, these replies are kind of sad-just how prevalent it still seems. i guess i forget that we live in a little bubble but we really don't see spanking here. it would be pretty shocking to see someone parent that way and i think if they did they would not do it in most public places around other Berkeley parents. perhaps there is more spanking and violence than i think but it must take place fairly discreetly or behind closed doors...
post #36 of 154
Yes, I do, but I also know many parents who don't, both mainstream and not.

I also know people who say they "believe" in spanking but have never spanked, and I doubt they actually will.
post #37 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shelsi
What I've learned is that you'd be shocked sometimes with who does spank and who doesn't. For example my boss is also somewhat my friend AND most importantly she used to be an LLL leader. She bf her dd for almost 2 years until she self weaned, she's into very natural non-medicated births, no vaxes, all that kind of stuff. However she told me that when her dd would hit her she'd smack her back. When she pulled her hair she'd yank a few hairs out of her dd's head. When she got bit she bit her back! Can you imagine BITING your own child?! How ridiculous is that?! When I told her that made no sense at all to do her response was, "I'm from the south and that's how we do things." Don't worry, I know not everyone from the south does it that way! She sure doesn't make any southerners look good though with those statements!
I'm from the South too, and unfortunately I've also heard those parenting comments by more than one person. Don't worry though--my little monkey is perfectly safe with me

~Nay
post #38 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila the Honey

The youngest in that family, a 5yo girl, is like a daughter to me. I love her dearly. Her parents love her dearly too, I know they do, but they spank. It hurts me so much to think of her being hurt and know there isn't anything I can do to stop it. She also gets spanked for dumb stuff like spilling drinks, and when she spilled a drink at my house once she ran and hid and cried. She was 3.5-4 years old at the time. Even my 2.5yo knows if you spill a drink you just get the rag and wipe it up, no biggie.
Oh that is so sad! : Even my 21 month old knows to go to the drawer, get a kitchen towel, and help clean up his messes. What on earth do they think hitting their little girl is accomplishing?

~Nay
post #39 of 154
Except for some other AP moms I know, I am the only non-spanker.
post #40 of 154
Almost everyone I know. I even saw a lady smack her DD at a LLL meeting. : She was only a couple of months older than DS, like 18 or 19 months. My sister spanks. Even my mom and dad who were pretty ap spanked on occassion for the biggies, like running in the street. All of my family up to this generation did.

My other sister, who has a 10 month old DD, is not all that AP, except that she doesn't do CIO (thank goodness), and she's learning about how spanking harms so *hopefully* she will never do it.

The three ladies who were regulars at the LLL meetings I went to before I moved from ohio did NOT spank.

One of my DH's friends had two dd's and he started spanking before they were a year old. Over every. little. thing. It made me sick! There was one time, he whacked his 4 year old on the butt while she was standing, with no warning, and sent her flying into a chair and she hit her head. He apologized because he didn't mean for THAT to happen but for crying out loud, if you lose control when you spank you *really* shouldn't be doing it! (not that I think *anybody* should be doing it, but you know what I mean)

I think here in the bible belt, spanking is not only considered ok, but a necessary part of raising a child. You constantly see it in public. And strangers are real quick to offer up advice on how "a good 'pop' will teach him..."
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