Do you know anyone who spanks? - Page 4

[peacelovingmama]

I live in a very progressive and highly-educated area where hitting kids is frowned upon. So I only know of one family that claims to support it (although they haven't yet hit their child). Even they acknowledge that, if you hit your kids in public around here, you will likely be glared at, if not confronted. This is, after all, the area where Jordan Riak came close to passing a no-spanking ordinance!

I personally tend to associate hitting kids with lower socio-economic groups and less educated people -- and some studies support that (although I realize it is also more prevalent among educated people in certain cultures -- e.g., certain religious followers). I hope this doesn't offend anyone -- this really is the connotation in my community. So IRL, I get the feeling that violent discipline is on the way out. But then I read about its prevalance online and feel so discouraged and sad.

[Kylix]

Can I ask where the posters who say that they dont know anyone that spanks currently live? Limabean? Catrinel? the_lissa?

I'm floored that you don't know anyone that spanks and even more surprised that you are surprised by these posts. I'm from the South and now live in the Northeast and know plenty of people that spank and believe in spanking. Who either think it is THE way or one possible way or a last resort or something you can't get away from. I hear alot "once you have your kids, you'll change your mind".

So anyway, where do you live? Your location isn't filled in in your member info section.

Kylix

[peacelovingmama]

Originally Posted by Kylix

Can I ask where the posters who say that they dont know anyone that spanks currently live? Limabean? Catrinel? the_lissa?

I'm floored that you don't know anyone that spanks and even more surprised that you are surprised by these posts. I'm from the South and now live in the Northeast and know plenty of people that spank and believe in spanking. Who either think it is THE way or one possible way or a last resort or something you can't get away from. I hear alot "once you have your kids, you'll change your mind".

So anyway, where do you live? Your location isn't filled in in your member info section.

Kylix

I am shocked by these posts! I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. My community is very progressive, fairly wealthy and educated. I think spanking rates are lower generally among those groups. Or so some studies say. I hope I am not just negative stereotyping, but those really are the perceptions around here -- that people who hit their kids are somewhat ignorant.

But on the bright side, I think it's fabulous that so many of us are NOT surrounded by hitters!

[maya44]

Originally Posted by peacelovingmama

I am shocked by these posts! I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. My community is very progressive, fairly wealthy and educated. I think spanking rates are lower generally among those groups. Or so some studies say. I hope I am not just negative stereotyping, but those really are the perceptions around here -- that people who hit their kids are somewhat ignorant.

But on the bright side, I think it's fabulous that so many of us are NOT surrounded by hitters!

I also live in a wealthy educated area of the Midwest (like a college town but not).

People here are not super progressive but they consider spanking to be something that only lower class people do. It's simply "not done" here. People here would consider alot of GD nonsense though!

[the_lissa]

I'm in Southern Ontario, Canada, and some of these posts shock me. Here, you can only "legally" spank a child between the ages of 2 and 12 and only with an open hand on the bum. When those parameters were defined a few years ago by the Supreme Court, mnany people were surprised because it was expected that the Supreme Court would make spanking illegal altogether. I don't know anyone who spanks, and I have certainly never seen anyone spank a child in public or tell someone they need to spank their kids.

Now, there is a religious community a couple hours from here that does spank. It was in the news a while back because a family had their children taken away.

[Joannarachel]

Originally Posted by peacelovingmama

I personally tend to associate hitting kids with lower socio-economic groups and less educated people -- and some studies support that (although I realize it is also more prevalent among educated people in certain cultures -- e.g., certain religious followers). I hope this doesn't offend anyone -- this really is the connotation in my community.

My parents are Ivy League educated adults with a six figure income who beat the hell outta me until I ran away at 17. Don't be too sure about that

[peacelovingmama]

Originally Posted by Joannarachel

My parents are Ivy League educated adults with a six figure income who beat the hell outta me until I ran away at 17. Don't be too sure about that

I'm so sorry to hear that. It is a generalization to be sure, with exceptions on both sides (rich and/or educated people beating kids, poor or uneducated people using GD).

[_betsy_]

I doubt I could go to a grocery store or Target or wherever without hearing someone threaten to hit their child, or see them do it. And I live in one of the wealthiest, most highly-educated counties in the country.

[ledzepplon]

I have not seen anyone spank in public around hee, although I do know some parents who do it behind closed doors (not friends of mine, just people I know). I think it's just as bad to hear the verbal abuse that goes on. For example, I took my dd to the Wild Animal Park recently and heard a mom scream at her ds (who looked about 5-6 and was running because he was excited) "Get the F!#@ back here you little sh*&!" I'm so glad my dd didn't see that. I felt so sorry for that dear litle boy.

It always floors me that the same parents that hit/yell because their toddler can't "control" their behavior are the ones who lose it in stressful situations with their kids. Pot? Kettle? Black?

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Every parent I know IRL does spank.

[JamesMama]

I won't say EVERY parent but I know quite a few that use physical discipline (popping their mouth, smacking their hands, spanking their bottom) but I know just as many that thinks spanking is child abuse...although I will say that every parent I know IRL thinks smacking their hand or popping them on the butt for doing something dangerous is okay the whole "They have to associate the street with PAIN" thing...kwim?

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by maya44

I also live in a wealthy educated area of the Midwest (like a college town but not).

People here are not super progressive but they consider spanking to be something that only lower class people do. It's simply "not done" here. People here would consider alot of GD nonsense though!

Yes, I think it's a little bit of a class difference here, too, and mostly confined to poor white parents. A large percentage of the lower income bracket here are Hispanic, and I've often noticed Hispanic parents looking askance at parents who are yelling at their kids or spanking them. And I cannot think of one time when I've seen a Hispanic parent spank their child, or yell at them. I have seen statistics that say Hispanic parents are more likely to spank, so I don't know if it's because of most of the population here is from Northwestern Mexico, and they're just less likely to, or because they sense that people might be more critical of them, so they do it very privately, or they just value gentle parenting.

[Nora'sMama]

I wrote that the only people I know IRL who spank are my relos in the South, but I totally forgot about my next-door neighbor. (I'm in San Diego, by the way, and I'm sure there are plenty of spanking parents here, but I don't hang out w/ 'em.)

Ugh. We live in a condo, and our bedroom shares a wall with this woman's bedroom...she is young, lives w/ her dad and younger sister, has an almost-3-year-old dd and is pg again (I see her boyfriend over there occasionally but I don't think he is her dd's dad). I can't swear that she spanks, but she threatens it in the most savage terms - I have heard her say on more than one occasion, "DD, get your ass back in bed or I will beat it black and blue!" - she also occasionally calls her dd a "motherf@$#er" and threatens her with the "Scream Guy", which I think is her getting in her dd's face and SCREAMING a piercing scream - heard this happen the other night .

I actually called CPS about her and they told me that they can do nothing unless I have evidence of physical abuse. I guess I always forget about her when I think of spankers (and I am 99% sure she *does* spank, besides threatening...her tone is just too vicious when she lays into her dd for not sleeping, etc...if she can't restrain herself from calling her toddler obscenities, I'm sure she can't restrain herself from hitting her) - because in order to live next door to her I kind of have to block it out. She is so nice and friendly when we see her outside - she has no idea we can hear her at night, of course - and no one would guess what she is capable of screaming at her poor dd.

I doubt that there is anywhere where spanking is really rare...it may seem like it in places like San Francisco, but that's because it has become a bit more socially unacceptable (and totally unacceptable in progressive circles) so those that do it are less likely to talk about it or do it in public. It's a step. But I don't think we will see an end to spanking on a large scale until we renounce our culture of violence. Not likely to be soon.

I can't wait to move out of this condo.

[Nature]

Originally Posted by peacelovingmama

I am shocked by these posts! I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. My community is very progressive, fairly wealthy and educated. I think spanking rates are lower generally among those groups. Or so some studies say. I hope I am not just negative stereotyping, but those really are the perceptions around here -- that people who hit their kids are somewhat ignorant.

But on the bright side, I think it's fabulous that so many of us are NOT surrounded by hitters!

I am not ignorant, but I am most certainly pretty darn poor! And I try my best to GD. My poverty status has nothing to do with how *I* parent personally, and I've known many "rich" people that hit their children.

I honestly don't see the poor/ignorant=spanking mamas connection where I am. Yes, sometimes the lower income classes seem to be more verbal about how they treat their children. (an example being all the people in my building that scream at their children 24/7 with no regard to who is there listening or watching. I watched a social worker just stand there while she hit her son, and she didn't bat an eye. Now, it might be her "right" to disciple her child, but to do so like that in FRONT of a child protective worker??? That to me is pure stupidity IMO. And thats the kind of parenting I see all around me.... )

(venting!)

People are contantly telling me my child "needs a good spanking", "beat 'em! that'll teach em!" "Uh oh! Looks like someones gonna get their butt beat!" etc... And what saddens me the most, is our neighbor has 2 boys and one on the way. My dd likes to play with her kids, but when she starts screaming at her son for something.. my dd just freezes. She is scared and unsure of the situation, and I end up taking her back upstairs. She isn't exposed to that level of violence in my home. (thank the goddess) (I NEVER let her play down there without me. EVER.)

I just wish this mama would realize how mean she is being. How totally cruel she looks to others. She is SCREAMING and swearing at a 3 and 1 year old... *sigh*

Okay vent over..

[Nature]

Originally Posted by Nora'sMama

I wrote that the only people I know IRL who spank are my relos in the South, but I totally forgot about my next-door neighbor. (I'm in San Diego, by the way, and I'm sure there are plenty of spanking parents here, but I don't hang out w/ 'em.)

Ugh. We live in a condo, and our bedroom shares a wall with this woman's bedroom...she is young, lives w/ her dad and younger sister, has an almost-3-year-old dd and is pg again (I see her boyfriend over there occasionally but I don't think he is her dd's dad). I can't swear that she spanks, but she threatens it in the most savage terms - I have heard her say on more than one occasion, "DD, get your ass back in bed or I will beat it black and blue!" - she also occasionally calls her dd a "motherf@$#er" and threatens her with the "Scream Guy", which I think is her getting in her dd's face and SCREAMING a piercing scream - heard this happen the other night .

I actually called CPS about her and they told me that they can do nothing unless I have evidence of physical abuse. I guess I always forget about her when I think of spankers (and I am 99% sure she *does* spank, besides threatening...her tone is just too vicious when she lays into her dd for not sleeping, etc...if she can't restrain herself from calling her toddler obscenities, I'm sure she can't restrain herself from hitting her) - because in order to live next door to her I kind of have to block it out. She is so nice and friendly when we see her outside - she has no idea we can hear her at night, of course - and no one would guess what she is capable of screaming at her poor dd.

I doubt that there is anywhere where spanking is really rare...it may seem like it in places like San Francisco, but that's because it has become a bit more socially unacceptable (and totally unacceptable in progressive circles) so those that do it are less likely to talk about it or do it in public. It's a step. But I don't think we will see an end to spanking on a large scale until we renounce our culture of violence. Not likely to be soon.

I can't wait to move out of this condo.

Hmmm... are you sure you aren't in my building? This woman you describe sounds exactly like my neighbor.. :

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by Nora'sMama

She is so nice and friendly when we see her outside - she has no idea we can hear her at night, of course - and no one would guess what she is capable of screaming at her poor dd.

Wow! Do you think you could talk to her? Maybe tell her you heard her and you were worried, and you'd watch her dd or something for her? Maybe if she knew you were listening, it would encourage her to think of other ways to parent.

[nznavo]

I don't know anyone who spanks, I don't think, and I've only seen it in public once. I was deeply shocked. It could be that there are spankers around me who do it privately, I guess. I am told that they still use physical punishment in schools here.

I live in Singapore. The area I'm in is a diverse mix of many nationalities.

[celrae]

About half of the people I know do spank, even the AP moms. However, it is rarly done in public.

[DevaMajka]

I have a friend who is ok with spanking (and was/is a spanker), but she told me one day (after a conversation on spanking) that her dd was so well behaved she didn't "need" spanked anymore, and that spanking didn't work on her ds. So she said she was going to STOP spanking her then 21 mo ds.

I have to imagine that some of my cousins on my dad's side spank occasionally. I'd be willing to bet money they don't see it as awful, and the probably see it as ok in certain situations. Hmmm...now I'll have to ask. I don't care if I cause a feud or not (I'm so bad lol)

I was on a mainstream board once talking about spanking, and was totally amazed at how many people defended it! Only ONE other than myself (out of 20-30 maybe?) said spanking was NOT OK! Everyone else, even if the didn't personally do it, said that it was a parent's choice. And of course, I got the "its necessary in some situations" crap.

[Kylix]

Originally Posted by peacelovingmama

I am shocked by these posts! I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. My community is very progressive, fairly wealthy and educated. I think spanking rates are lower generally among those groups. Or so some studies say. I hope I am not just negative stereotyping, but those really are the perceptions around here -- that people who hit their kids are somewhat ignorant.

I'm a little offended by this to be honest. I think this perception (that only progressive, wealthy people don't spank) perpetuates physical punishment. Whereas some people may not have the same resources or support systems to find others way other than to spank, I think it is a large sweeping generalization to say "progressive" people don't spank and "ignorant" people do. I am very against spanking but I think that people support it for a variety of reasons. And people that are very "progressive" in other ways wholeheartedly agree with spanking. And those that are "ignorant" may understand the inherent flaws in it.

I hear all the time that not spanking is "white people's discipline" or "rich people's discipline". If we keep saying those things, it creates a false cultural divide, IMO.

Kylix